In Plain Sight
by melissophobia
Summary: When Dumbledore finds an abused Harry, he decides Harry needs to go into hiding. Under the guise of a Student exchange program, Harry's id is changed and he is resorted into Slytherin. Au after book 5. Beta'd by Graenr!
1. Crystal Ball

"Lines ever more unclear, Not sure I'm even here, The more I look the more I think that I'm starting to disappear.Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball, Save us all, tell me life is beautiful, Mirror, mirror on the wall. Oh, crystal ball, hear my song, I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong, So put me where I belong." Keane

Fawkes screeched loudly. For a moment Albus Dumbledore thought that the old bird was about to die again, and thought nothing of it until the bird screeched louder. Looking up the old wizard saw the bird ripping out his tail feathers and crying. The tears landed softly on the second disregarded feather.

Albus felt the lemon drop fall out of his open mouth. Quickly finding his voice he whispered, "Voldemort?"

"No" came the ancient voice, raw from the cry, "The muggles."

"Take me" Albus pleaded.

The red and gold bird swiftly flew down from his perch in the great office and once the old man had grabbed hold of his feet, the two of them vanished.

The Phoenix and the old man arrived in a flash in a small dark room. Looking around he noted there was no furniture, no sources of light, just a clump of rags in one corner. Turning to face the bird, he noticed the Phoenix staring at the rags, looking back over to that corner of the room he noticed them move.

"Harry?"

"No, please no more," came the weak cry. Carefully the Headmaster walked over to the bundle. Gently, he reached down and moved the foul blanket away revealing a bruised and bloody Harry Potter.

Albus let out a sigh, "Oh my poor boy."

"Please." Harry begged as he moved himself into a tight ball. "I'll be good Uncle Vernon, honest.

Not knowing what to do, Albus spelled the young man asleep.

The next day passed in what only a tempest could call a fury. It had taken the powerful wizard three hours to stabilize Harry's condition. He finished as dawn lit the sky and the woman he had placed trust in holler for a boy who could not awake. It was only at hour number twenty three that Albus could allow himself to feel good in verbalizing the fact that the Dursley's were alive. Of course 'alive' meant that they were all sound asleep awaiting true loves kiss. Or a counter curse from his wand. They were going to have to hope for love. Not that any of them had any real idea of what that was. Eight more hours delivered him a plan and a place to protect Harry and see that his absence would not be questioned.

Harry's condition was deplorable by any normal wizards' standard, but the child would live, yet again. He had bruises and a few cuts. Those were the easiest to heal, and yet the ones that were present on his face were the hardest to look at. There were also some odd burns on his back that puzzled the headmaster but he healed them to the best of his abilities. They would scar without a potion or a mediwitch, but those were issues to be fixed later, when they returned to Hogwarts. To his surprise, only one rib was broken. Albus had healed it crudely. It was a battle fix, but it too would also have to do. Right now, The Headmaster was more afraid of facing Poppy than he was of Voldemort. All that was left now was to wake the boy. Swishing his wand over his sleeping charge, he brought him awake.

Harry awoke lazily, feeling soft and warm were not things he imagined existed in summer. Nor was the nice bed he was laying in something to be taken for granted. Not in summer. Then it hit him, this was summer. Quickly he opened his eyes and found Dumbledore staring down at him.

"Headmaster?" Harry asked quickly looking around, nothing seemed familiar. "Where are we?"

"In a snow globe, beneath a loose board in what I imagine was Dudley's second best room next to a rather handsome photo album."

"Oh" Harry said trying to make it sound like that was the most natural place in the world to be.

"Lemon drop?"

"No thank you Sir," Harry replied sitting up in bed. "Why a snow globe?"

"Well Harry, after last year, I was fearful in removing you from the Dursley's without adequate protection. To take you to Hogwarts would have alerted the Minister of Magic and Voldemort. Rest assured Harry, you will never be returning here after this summer. But I need time to formulate a plan of action so to speak, so I decided to keep us here as school will start in a few days. It will give you the benefit of the blood wards, and then a school year to plot the next summer. Understand my dear boy."

While Harry understood the idea, he still didn't know why the man chose a snow globe."

"Harry, my boy" The headmaster started, quite unsure of where he was going. How could he possibly apologize for the grievous trust in the idea of family? How was he ever going to make things right? Looking down at the small raven hair child he could not help but wish that tragic scar away. How he wanted to give the boy who never lived a normal life just that, a normal life. But no man could change his past. He needed to protect the child's future, and to do so would mean to hide him.

And then the Headmaster had a brilliant idea.

"Harry my boy," The headmaster started more confidently than before, "Do you know where the best place to hide someone is?"

Dull green eyes looked up at him and meekly shook his head.

"Why in plain site of course."

"Sir?"

"Let's see," Dumbledore said, but it appeared he was really talking only to himself. "It has been a very long time since there was a student exchange program at Hogwarts. I think we should start it up anew this year. You will be going to Durmstrang for sixth year and I think we will ask Neil Cain to join us here."

At this Harry sat up straighter in his chair. The old man had finally lost it. "You're sending me to Durmstrang? But Sir it's a dark school."

"Yes Harry, I am. But never worry. Neil Cain will be at Hogwarts."

"I don't understand."

"You are Neil Cain, Harry. Of course we will have to make some changes. Dye your eyes for example. Change your hair as well, but all in all, easy things for an old warlock for me to do. This is splendid Neil. Why ever did we not think of it earlier?"

"What about Durmstrang Sir, won't people know I am not there?"

"True point Neil" The Headmaster nodded his head in thought. "Well Neil is from there, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Harry was exchanged there. I mean if several schools participated, we could always leave the school Harry is at purposefully blank. Of course," Dumbledore voice rose in excitement, "For Harry's safety!"

"But I am Harry." Harry said feeling rather confused.

"Of course you are, Never forget that Neil! We must always remember who we are. Think about this as a great adventure. You will be an average student. No one will suspect you, or try to hurt you."

_No one to stare at my scar_, Harry thought. It did sound rather nice. And he would still be with his friends.

"We have a less than a week to prepare." The Headmaster continued "I seem to remember you once telling me that the Sorting Hat was a little indecisive in which house you belonged."

"Gryffindor or Slytherin," Harry said softly suddenly dreading where this was going. "Is Neil going to be a Gryffindor?"

"No. I am sorry; this time around we will need you to be placed in Slytherin."

Harry stood up immediately, "There is no way Sir. Snape will be my head of house!"

"I am counting on it Neil." The Headmaster replied with the twinkle in his eye almost blinding, "I am counting on it."

"But Sir,"

"Now, now, it's Professor Snape Neil." Dumbledore clapped his hands and a house elf appeared. "Dinner I think and then plotting."

After dinner and the cakes with lemon icing eaten the Headmaster lead Harry down the hall. They arrived in a large marble bathroom, which Harry thought was twice the size of Dudley's second best room.

"First, I think we should spell you eyesight Neil, and then change their color."

Harry couldn't help but look himself in the mirror and see his mother's eyes.

"Don't worry child it isn't permanent. What color do you think, blue, silver, brown or black?"

"Brown Sir, I think a little more common the better."

"Yes, I agree brown hair as well then, and perhaps a little straighter?"

Harry nodded his head. He watched as Dumbledore raised his wand and swished it around his head. He felt the air grow hot, it was about to burn his face. His eyes stung watered at the heat and instinctively he clinched them shut. The air started to cool. Harry slowly opened his eyes and found everything a blur. He tried not to panic as he realized the old man had blinded him.

"Oh yes, how foolish of me," the Headmaster chuckled "we probably should have started with you removing your glasses first."

Harry reached up and touched the glasses on his face and slowly removed them.

He caught his reflection clearly in the mirror. He almost didn't recognize himself. His light brown hair lay neatly in a long crew cut. His eyes were warm brown, almost like Remus. Softly he touched his scar.

"We will need to hide that as well."

"I didn't think it could be removed."

"Removed no, but covered."

Harry turned to face the Headmaster two more time a flick of the old man's wrist and the scar was covered and a light covering of freckles found his nose.

"We will need to do this every day until you return to school Neil, the stronger the better. The charms are designed only to cover the part of you we wish to hide. So they are harder to discover. But if someone tries to remove the spells, they would have to remove the exact amount before the saw you."

Harry nodded his understanding. "Sir, don't you think while we are here you could call me Harry?"

"No child, I am afraid not. The sooner you get use to your new name the better. Now Mr. Cain let me see your writing hand."

Deftly Dumbledore took Harry's hand in his. Seeing the pencil like scars he leaned in closer, "I will not tell lies." He read, "Harry?"

"Umbridge, Sir in detention." Harry said softly not looking up.

"She used a blood quill in my school." Dumbledore seethed under his breath. Immediately Harry found himself shivering.

"I uh…thought you knew." Harry stammered quickly. Looking up he saw his Headmasters face fall at the statement. "I mean, I wasn't the only one."

Dumbledore sucked in his breath and dropped Harry's hand like it had been on fire. Quickly turning from the boy he whispered to himself, "What have I done."

"You didn't do anything Sir. It was Umbridge."

"Harry, please."

"No" Harry cried out grabbing hold of Dumbledore's hand, this wasn't the old mans fault. "It was Umbridge Sir, not you. We all know that she was deranged."

"Harry you don't understand, it is my responsibility. I have failed…"

But before the Headmaster could finish Harry cut off "Its Neil Sir, I am Neil. You can cover it like my scar right. I mean its okay Sir, not nearly as bad as Voldemort's."

_That would be li__ke covering the multitudes of my sins_ Albus thought darkly. "We will not be coving this, this which should never have been there." Closing his eyes, he took Harry's scarred hand and coved it in his.

Harry heard a stain of Latin leave his professors lips echoed by a faint hiss. He saw the words etch their way on to the old hand.

"Sir, you are bleeding…What did you do?"

"I took it for my own." The Headmaster said darkly. "The mark is now mine Harry."

Harry's eyes went wide at the sound of the despair\ in Dumbledore's voice. He had hurt the headmaster. It wasn't right; Dumbledore was too good to feel that kind of pain. Taking a deep breath of air he tried to get the old man's attention. "Its Neil sir," Harry said trying to steel his voice to sound convincing, trying hard to keep the tears away.

"So it is Neil," Dumbledore said with a little more light to his voice, "So it is. Now the spell I think." With a flick of the wand a strange warmth spread across Harry's hand. But the young man saw no change.

Sensing the boy's question he said, "You will not notice it until you write something. It will alter your handwriting enough to fool my most cunning professors."

"Sir what about my voice? My friends will recognize my voice."

"I have something in mind for that. Tomorrow. Now I think we could both use a bit of sleep."

Harry felt the next few days passed in what could only be called a wild manner. His voice and all the hiding spells were renewed at such a frequent manner that Harry himself was unsure the exact number of times the counter spell would need to be cast before he could be himself again. Dumbledore had taught him the spells and he had practiced but without seeing the results, Harry was unsure if they would work.

In addition to the spells, the Headmaster had also made him drink fortifying potions that helped rebalance his some of his nutritional deficits. Combined with three hearty meals the snow globe's house elf prepared, Harry was starting to feel bloated. But it seemed the old man had even taken that into consideration as well. On the second day in the globe, the Headmaster had left to gather some clothes for Harry, most of which were trimmed in fur, like the ones he had seen Victor Krum wore when he stayed at Hogwarts. He also had a new set of basic Hogwarts robes, with the school crest in place of the house. They all fit perfectly.

A plan had even been worked out so that Harry could keep in touch with Ron and Hermione. His friends would be giving Dumbledore letters that he would in turn let Harry read in his office. Then, he would allow Harry some time to respond, and deliver the letters a few days latter. That way, no owl would need to be sent, which would only deliver the letter to Neil. When Harry verbalized his concerns as to weather or not his friends would abide by this, Dumbledore decided he would tell them that failure to do so would alert Voldemort, since he would be sure Harry's mail would be watched. Additionally Dumbledore would be directing all of Harry's mail to his office.

Furthermore, Dumbledore had placed a spell on Harry that would make it "Rather difficult" to yell out his friends names. Harry was sure he saw Dumbledore sway just a bit when he asked if Sirius, Cedric and Uncle Vernon could be added as well.

To Harry, that only left one problem, Slytherin. There was no way in Harry's mind that he would survive the school year being sorted into the death eater's house. Harry tried to plead his case several times over the days, and each time he was shot down. It was only when he mentioned how protective Gryffindor was did he realize it was a loosing battle.

"Mr. Cain, I must impart on you that Gryffindor while a noble house is not the only house which views protection highly. This I must say is the last time that we will be having this discussion. I do not believe after all is said and done, that the hat will place you anywhere other than Slytherin especially after what has transpired these past five years. I hope you will trust me on this Neil, I know I have failed that trust too much to hope for it even now, but you will do well in Slytherin. Far better than if you were sorted say, into my office. Just remember, every house has a secret life that the other houses don't see. I know that you worry about Professor Snape, but remember, when you are sorted into his house; he will see you only as Neil Cain, a Slytherin. Have you ever seen him treat his Slytherin's less than kind?"

Harry had to agree that Snape did treat his Slytherins' well, and he would be just another student, not the boy who lived. Still it made him uneasy.

Then again, uneasy was a constant thing to feel in the snow globe. Since his arrival, Dumbledore would at times try to talk to Harry about what transpired at the Dursley's. Off handedly the old man would ask how he got the burns on his back, and every time the Headmaster's eyes would loose their sparkle and his voice sounded pained. Harry knew the idea of those burns scared the old man, he knew the Headmaster felt guilty and pained. While Harry was sure the Headmaster would understand the pain he felt in losing Sirius, he knew Dumbledore would never understand about the Dursley's. The world in which the Great Albus Dumbledore lived knew not of the things that happen to children who live under the stairs. Harry couldn't tell him. Instead he would softly reply, "Nothing, Nothing has ever happened to Neil."

To that Dumbledore could only sadly nod his head.

And so quickly, the day to leave for school arrived. With a pop, Dumbledore and a young boy named Neil Cain left the snow globe that lay hidden beneath a loose board in Dudley's second best bedroom. The headmaster shrunk all of Harry Potter's belongings and placed them securely in his pocket. In exchange the old man pulled out a small medal medallion and gave it to Neil.

"Wear this always. Once on, it will be invisible to all except those who know it exist. It will, in an emergency, take you directly to my office."

"Thank you Sir,"

"You are most welcome Mr. Cain. Now this ticket is a portkey to platform 9 ¾ , it will activate as soon as you say school. Are there any questions?"

"No Sir." Harry said shaking his head.

"Good. Well then," The Headmaster said taking one last look at the room. "Grab your trunk, and remember the plan. I will see you at the sorting."


	2. Oh simple thing

_"Oh simple thing where have you gone?__I'm getting old and I need something to rely on__So__ tell me when you're __gonna__ let me in__I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin" Keane_

Harry looked around Kings Cross nervously. The full realization of what Dumbledore's plan entailed hit him hard. He was nobody. He had no friends. It was like spending the school year with the Dursley's. Even the beatings and the talking down to he was sure would transpire as soon as the Hat told him his new house. The sheer amount of lies he was going to tell this year made him realize that the blood quill might have been right if not premature. He had to pretend that he had no memory, that he had no idea who Ron's favorite team was, or what table in the library Hermione liked to study at. He wasn't allowed to know who they were until they introduced themselves. He wasn't even supposed to know why Malfoy reminded him of a ferret. Merlin help him, he was now destined to be Malfoy's dorm mate. Somehow this was all supposed to make him safe.

School which had always been his solace had now turned into a nightmare, and he had yet to get on the train. The year ahead robbed him not only of his friends, but also of his owl Hedwig. There would also be no more flying around the pitch since Dumbledore felt that fighting the ministry over the mater would prove problematic in the end. But the cherry that topped it all was his wand. While it was still the same wand, Fawkes tail feather and Holly, the design was off. It felt odd in Harry's hand. The grip seemed all wrong, but the Headmaster had promised it would feel 'right as rain'. Another lie, if any one asked, it contained unicorn's hair.

It all seemed so overwhelming that he didn't want to get on the train. But when the whistle blew, his feet instinctively marched him forward. He deposited his trunk that was clearly labeled N.C. and turned to board the train.

Then Harry heard her voice.

"Ron! There you are. Hurry or you will miss the train."

"Sorry Mione, but I can't find Harry." Ron replied.

Harry told himself he couldn't look.

"Maybe he has already got a compartment." She replied.

Harry couldn't help it, he turned and saw them approaching. Without giving him a second glance they hurried pass and boarded the train. Harry felt as if he had been stabbed. Dropping his shoulders he followed suit.

As a rule on the Hogwarts express, the first compartment, the one nearest the conductor was almost always empty. Quickly he made his way there, trying to ignore his fellow student's cheerful reunions. Reunions this year he would know nothing of. Lost in his own thoughts he failed to notice a blond haired girl following him.

It wasn't until he had settled his backpack on the seat and turned to close the compartments door did he notice her standing there.

"Well, aren't you like looking at a thestral!" Luna exclaimed closing the door and taking a seat.

"Uh excuse me?" Harry said sitting down across from her.

"Well," she said rather impatiently, "what is your name?"

"I am Neil Cain."

"That is a very nice name," Luna said airily, "But I think all wrong for you. After all that has happened. I wonder why you picked it."

"I didn't. My parents did."

"Naturally" Luna replied softly rolling her eyes. "It's just a big hurdle is all. But don't worry, you can jump it."

Harry was thoroughly confused and tried to change the subject. "Aren't you going to tell me your name?"

"Why?" she said looking puzzled. "We've met before."

"I don't think so," Harry said puzzled.

"Hmm" said Luna dreamy, "do you really think you have ever really met someone. Sometimes I don't even think I really ever met my father." Luna stared out of the window for a moment before turning abruptly back to Harry. "Say what house do you suppose you will be in?"

"I don't know" Harry replied shrugging his shoulders.

"I think it would be nifty if you found your way into Ravenclaw. I mean you should branch out a bit, discover the other houses, or at least one."

"I am sure I will, since I am bound to be sorted into one of them." Harry said. Were all his conversations with Luna this strange?

"I think Mr. Boardman would be very proud no matter what house you chose."

"Uh who is Mr. Boardman?" Harry asked. What he really wanted to know was exactly what type of mushrooms Luna ate before getting on the train.

"Oh how sad," she said looking suddenly very solemn. Truth be told, she almost looked like she could cry. "I guess when they say denial is the first step they mean it. I sort of thought you would at least be somewhere near acceptance."

"I'm sorry," Harry asked. "Accept what?"

"Don't be," Luna said sincerely, "we all need our own time."

Harry was about to ask if she was talking to a nargle instead of him, but was saved when Neville opened the door.

"Hey Luna, I've been looking for you."

"You have." Luna said happily, like no one in the world had ever thought to look for her before.

"Yeah," Neville replied. "We got a compartment down the aisle." Then looking at Harry for the first time, he said "You can join us too if you want."

Good ole Neville, Harry thought to himself. "No, it's okay. Thanks though. I want to read for a little bit before we arrive at school."

After the two left the rest of the train ride passed much more quietly. Harry pulled out his potions book and started to read with Snape as his head of house he was going to need all the help he could get. He stopped only treat himself with a couple of cauldron cakes and some candy as the refreshment witch passed by. After he had stuffed himself with sweets, he returned to his reading for the rest of the train ride.

Harry was relived to find that the Headmaster had arraigned for him to travel to the castle with his year mates, instead of by boats with the first years. However upon entering the castle, Professor McGonagall met him, and introduced herself briefly. She explained quickly what the sorting would entail and that he was to be sorted after the first years. Afterwards she briskly told him to follow her as they made their way to meet the first years.

If Harry thought that being sorted the first time was nerve racking, then the second time was all out mind melting. He actually knew the people in the room. What if something went wrong? What if the Hat cried out he was an imposter? What if the sorting hat sent him to Gryffindor?

Wait, Harry thought, that wasn't such a bad idea. What if he could be resorted back to where he belonged? It worked the first time right.

Lost in his own thoughts Harry didn't notice that the last first year had been sorted into Ravenclaw. It wasn't until McGonagall called his name the second time did he look up and watch as the Headmaster stood up at this moment and addressed the great hall.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts dear students and faculty. It is with great pleasure I announce to you that Hogwarts has chosen to participate this year in a student exchange program. One of our own has been plucked from the castle and sent abroad to learn new insights into the world in which we all live. It is my hope that we will welcome him back this time next year with open arms. "

A soft murmur erupted throughout the great hall, drawing attention away from the Headmaster and on to speculation as to who had left. Even the faculty was exchanging a few whispers, and like the students glancing around trying to decipher who was missing.

Dumbledore however placed up his hand to silence the crowd once more. "While we will not be going on such a journey, Hogwarts has opened its doors to an exchange student herself. And now, I would like to introduce you to Neil Cain, sixth year student from Durmstrang. While he will not replace our dear Harry Potter, I hope he will find a special place in all of our hearts."

With that bombshell the great hall exploded. The Slytherins the loudest, although Harry could swear he could Ron's cry from where he was standing.

"Now Mr. Cain, please take a seat on the stool and I will place the Hat on your head." McGonagall instructed and Harry numbly obeyed. Quickly looking out into the sea of faces in the great hall Harry noticed that all the attention was not on him as he had originally feared. Instead everyone was too busy gossiping with each other. Great, Harry thought to himself, the best way to distract people from him was by him. But before Harry could think more on the brilliance of Dumbledore's plan, he felt the Hat fall on his head.

"So Potter…Or is it Cain now….Back again?"

"Yes. Please do you think you can put me in Gryffindor?

"Hmmmm you were hard to sort the first time around, and harder still. So tell me, is it safety you seek? Do you want protection?"

"Yes"

"And the tools to fight?"

"Of course," Harry pleaded

"You need something to rely on, a place to be understood." It whispered in his head. "Quite special really that Hogwarts has such a place." The Hat said simplistically.

Harry held his breath. This was it, it had to be Gryffindor.

"SLYTHERIN," the hat screamed out, then quietly once more for just Harry to hear "Don't worry, all will be well."

The head of Gryffindor quietly removed the hat and pointed to the far side of the great hall. "Tables over there. Go on and take your seat." Harry tried not to look defeated walked over to join his new house.

Severus Snape did not have time to register that he had acquired a new student. His mind was still reeling at the thought of a Potter free year. Immediately he thought he had heard wrong, so he asked Vector. When indeed the reply came that Harry Potter was at another school. He turned to Trelawney. He used Legilimens on the old bat and discovered that it was true. Blinking his eyes slowly, he realized great changes would be taking place this year. His schedule was going to have to be rearranged. Instead of waking, disrupting Potter's rule breaking, eating, starring down Potter, teaching, making Potter's life hell, potion making, figuring out how to poison Potter, and then administering detention to said Potter. Well now he was left with only eating, teaching and potion making.

As that idea slowly sank into his mind, Severus Snape, actually felt the strange desire to hug the Headmaster.

Maybe that was going too far, he instantly chided himself. Perhaps he could just accept one of those blasted lemon drops. Hell, he was going to have plenty of time to do so now.

A/N Thanks to all those who reviewed or put me on alert. (Accio more reviews!) For those who read "Through Her Eyes" sorry about the repeated use of Mr. Boardman. I can't help it. Hope you enjoyed.


	3. everybody's changing

A/N This was a hard chapter to write, I kept wanting to write chapter 4 instead. Thanks for all the reviews. (and to Bloody Snake 2…well, you'll see)

SSSSSSSSSS

"I guess I'm a toy that is broken

I guess we're just older now " Keane

SSSSSSSSSS

The rest of the welcoming feast passed in a blur for Harry. He meekly said hello to the Slytherins seated at the table. He made himself a plate of food, but found his appetite was waning with each moment. So Instead of eating he decided to push the food around on his plate with his fork.

"Come on mate, I'll show you to the dorm. No need for you to have to follow the first years."

Harry looked up and saw Theodore Nott.

"I don't bite." Theodore said, "Names Nott. Theodore Nott."

"Neil Cain" Harry replied standing from the table. Quickly Malfoy, Zambini and Parkinson followed. Once introduction were made, the Slytherins lead Harry to his new lair.

The Slytherin common room was large, much larger than Harry remembered it being. But then again, in second year he didn't have the luxury of looking around. It was also loud, as many of the students were catching up with old friends. Harry quietly decided to look around. The décor was done in dark tones. Black wood and forest green carpet. Snakes were everywhere; some so subtle Harry almost missed them. There was a large portrait over the fireplace that caught his eye. Two bloody snakes, one green one silver, each with fangs out. They appeared to be fighting each other.

The common room went silent when Professor Severus Snape entered. Intensely, his eyes roamed the room sizing up each Slytherin before moving on to the next.

"Many have said that Slytherin is a dark house. Others have bemoaned that there is not a witch or wizard that didn't go bad here." Snape started quietly. "The other houses of Hogwarts, while noble, look down their righteous noses at us. They don't trust us, they don't respect us and they will never know us, all because of the patch that is now on your robes. To that I say only this, let them. Let their stupidity condemn them.

We are the dark house to their light. The light cannot harbor anything it does not see as pure. The things that cause your peers in other houses to have nightmares is something none here would ever give a second glance. You my little snakes have seen true darkness. You have seen depravity, most of you have seen deaths ugly face, but still you stand. Why? You have learned early and hard how to adapt. You know that not all knowledge is taught in a book. You understand the difference between blind loyalty and common ideas. You know sacrifice, true sacrifice. Not the glorious sacrifice that others seek, but the quiet one that can only be known within.

I do not ask that you like your house mates. I do demand that you respect them. From here on out, we are of one fiber. A united house does not fall. You may hex your fellow snake within the common room but in the main rooms of Hogwarts you will fight only by their side. And you will do so knowing that while you may not agree with them, you understand them. That is the first rule of Slytherin, United.

When you walk through the common room door, your appearance will be immaculate your manners impeccable. Your grades will be to the best of your ability. Let it be known to all the houses that no matter how many points they take, or slurs they throw, you will always have your pride. What, my little snakes is Slytherin rule number two?

"Pride" came the resounding answer.

For those who are purebred, they truly understand the role that I am assigned. But for those who do not let me educate you to our ways. The head of house in old wizarding families is responsible for the welfare of everyone in his house. You will be residing in Slytherin for nine months of the year. Suffice to say, this is your home. I am you head of house. You. Are. Mine. If someone is hurting you, you will come to me. If you are being treated unfairly, above par for this school, you will come to me. Whatever is bothering you, I will know about it.

"Now for those of you who do not think you will be at Hogwarts long, or" He said looking at Harry, "here only for a year, please remember Slytherin House rule number three,"

"Once a Slytherin, Always a Slytherin."

"All of you are now in my protection. And if any of you think that protection is weak, think again. As any head of house in a noble line would, I will fight to the death for you. But like all protection, there is a price. I expect honesty. You need not be worried if you think my loyalties lie elsewhere. I will respect you if you are honest.

As you head of house, I demand two things from you. Honesty and rule number one."

"No pain"

"Very good my little snakes. No one in this house shall ever be in pain. If I ever find you walking through a twisted ankle, or hiding a headache, I will know, and their will be demerits. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Sir."

"Very well then, tomorrow, your student leaders will explain in more detail the inner workings of this house. For now, I suggest you gather into your study groups. For those who had summer assignments, I will be collecting them tomorrow night. First years, please gather around the fireplace. Mr. Cain if you would also join them. If any one else needs to be here, please make you way now. The hour is getting quite late."

Harry nervously joined the first years near the fireplace where Snape stood, leaning against the mantle.

"Ten new little snakes, sorry, eleven." Snape said with a warm smile. Harry found it almost inviting, if he didn't already know the man. "What a fine contribution to Slytherin I am sure you will all make. Now I will ask you to think upon what you have just heard. In a moment we will be flooing directly into the Hospital wing, one at a time; Where Madam Pomfrey will be giving each of you a physical and collecting your medical history. These findings will be confidential. Only the Mediwitch and I will know of them. When this is done, you will return to the common room. After the last student, I will return and place you temporarily in a study group and dorm. As this is your first year here, these arraignments may be altered to best suit your needs.

Snape had decided to start with the first years first, which Harry thought was a blessing. It bought him more time. There was no way he wanted Snape to see his back.

One by one Snape would come out of the fire and take one of the new first years to the hospital wing. Harry noticed that some returned quickly while others were gone longer. Harry had watched as the last first year, a small red haired girl entered the fire, thirty minutes later Snape returned alone.

"Mr. Cain, if you would."

"Uh Professor Snape it isn't necessary, I had a physical just before starting school. Clean bill of health. I could have my relatives send you a copy if you would like."

"That will be prudent Mr. Cain," Snape said sizing up the boy. "However, I will have you examined all the same."

"But" Harry started.

"No exceptions Mr. Cain. You have nothing to worry about."

Just then Draco Malfoy walked up to the fireplace, causing Snape to turn quickly.

"Are you in need of visiting the infirmary?"

"Yes Professor." Draco replied, "I injured my wrist."

Harry watched as Snape's eyes became dark. "How did it happen?"

"I fell off my broom," Draco said as small pink spots appeared on his cheeks. "Honest Sir, I was trying a new move out."

"Very well, Mr. Cain this should only take a moment, please stay where you are."

A few minutes later Draco reappeared with Snape.

"Mr. Cain." Snape called.

Harry swallowed nervously and followed his new head of house to the infirmary.

"Well Mr. Cain," Madam Pomfrey said smiling at him, "What a pleasure to meet you. Now if you would, please have a seat on the bed and I will spell you into the hospital gown."

Before Harry had a chance to fully sit on the bed his clothes were replace.

"Now, Mr. Cain do you have any medical problems we should be aware of?"

"No Ma'am" Harry replied, "Oh wait, I do get headaches sometimes. Migraines really."

"How often would you say?"

"At least once a month" Harry replied nervously.

"Do you see auras?" Severus asked.

Harry looked at the man confused. "No Sir, I haven't been able to see auras. I tried once but"

"That is not what I meant Mr. Cain. Some people who suffer from migraines often have what is called an aura before the pain starts. They might see colors, smell something odd, or sometimes hear a buzzing."

"Oh" Harry said dumbstruck "that doesn't happened to me."

"Now then Mr. Cain" Madam Pomfrey said "I am going to scan you and take your medical history. Please hold still."

Harry instinctively held his breath. What if he was discovered? Surely Snape wouldn't kill him. They would just take him to Dumbledore.

"All done." Madam Pomfrey said. Harry watched as she touched the tip of her wand to parchment and muttered and incantation. Instantly the tip of the wand turned read and the paper began to fill up with writing. When it stopped it was over two feet long.

Quickly scanning the parchment she handed it over to Snape.

"Now, Mr. Cain," she said and Harry couldn't help but notice her voice was softer, "I am going to do a current scan that will alert me to any injuries that you are still suffering from."

Another swish of her wand and Harry tired not to flinch away.

"Well, you have a fractured rib and a hair line fracture on your left wrist." She said softly, and Harry saw Snape look up from his reading. "You also have a contusion to your left kidney."

"Clean bill of health indeed, Mr. Cain." Snape said staring into Harry's eyes intently. Harry felt himself flush and looked away.

"More disconcerting is the unusual burns on your back. Mr. Cain, I need to take a look." Then turning to Snape she said "I detected ash."

Harry watched as she moved to walk around the bed. It was only when Snape made move to follow did Harry freak out. "No. I am fine." Harry cried as he jumped off the bed. There was no way Harry was going to allow Snape to see his back. The two adults started to follow him, causing Harry to back up. Step after step he found himself retreating backwards until his back hit a wall. Pain coursed through him as he let out a small cry.

"Mr. Cain," Snape said moving so he was close to Harry, too close for Harry's comfort. "Do not be foolish; Madam Pomfrey and I _will_ examine you back." Harry watched as the man turned his attention to his right arm shirt sleeve. Quickly undoing the cuff he pushed the shirt sleeve up to his elbow. Turning his attention back to Harry he showed his new student his bare forearm.

"Do you really think that you are alone," He said quietly, "That you are the only one whose relatives like a fine cigar?" Harry looked at Snape's arm and at first didn't notice anything. Then he saw it, small round circles, paler than the surrounding skin. Snape continued, "Now I do not like to repeat myself so let me make this very clear. No one in my house is to be in any pain. You are hiding your pain well. But there is no need for it. _It will be remo__ved_. Please return to the bed."

Snape's voice was stern. It was demanding, but Harry noticed something else there. Some quality he couldn't quite name. Regardless, for a moment Harry felt safe. Instinctively he obeyed and returned to the bed.

Snape and Pomfrey took advantage of the silent boy and moved to examine his back. There were four burns on his back, each perfectly round and blistered dark.

"Accio Burn paste number 7" Snape whispered. After the jar hit his hand, Snape turned to Madam Pomfrey and said, "You heal his bones and I will get started here. After that the kidney."

And so Harry Potter sat sandwiched between Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape, while the Mediwitch gently held his hand and spelled his bones together, Harry's potion professor gently rubbed burn paste on his back. If either of the adults saw the silent tears falling from the young mans face, they said nothing of it, to which Harry was grateful.

When they were done with their tender ministrations, Pomfrey held a potions vial to Harry's lips and asked him to drink. Once drank, she told Harry to lie down on the bed.

"Mr. Cain I feel that it would be prudent for you to spend the night here. In the morning you may floo back to the common room and leave for classes with your dorm mates." Snape said softly.

"Why" Harry asked.

But it was Madam Pomfrey who replied. "The contusion to you kidney. The potion should heal it just fine, but you're dehydrated as well. I want to keep you here overnight give you some fluids and make sure everything is healing as it should. Now be a good lad and try to get some sleep."

"I will see you in the morning Mr. Cain." Snape said, "Good night."

"Good night." Harry replied weakly.

After Madam Pomfrey had secured a privacy divider around his bed, Harry tried to fall asleep. But the sound of the floo kept him awake. Seven more students must have visited the hospital wing, Harry thought to himself, because 14 was the number of times he heard the fire flare before falling asleep.


	4. Don't laugh

"And I've fallen by the wayside now, And I don't understand the same things as you, But I do. Don't laugh at me, Don't look away" Keane.

Harry was surprised that it was Snape who woke him in the morning instead of Madam Pomfrey. The man had even asked Harry if he had slept well. Once convinced of Harry's restful night, the head of house handed Harry his schedule of classes.

"Your student leader is Draco Malfoy, Mr. Cain; I believe you met him last night. Albeit briefly. Additionally you will be in his study group along with Mr. Nott and Mr. Zabini. If you have any questions you may seek me or Mr. Draco. Now you must hurry, you need to get breakfast before starting your day. I expect to see you in attendance of all meals in the great hall. Good day."

_Great_, Harry thought to himself. _Not only am I in Snape's house I have to listen to Malfoy._

And with that, Harry watched as Snape left the infirmary. Moments later Madam Pomfrey was at his side leading him to the fireplace.

"Have a good day, Mr. Cain. I expect to see you back here in tomorrow for a check up." She said offering him the floo powder.

"Thank you." Harry replied softly, and stepped into the fireplace.

When he entered the Slytherin common room he was surprised to find Nott and Malfoy waiting for him. They showed him to the dorm, and waited for him to change so they could escort him to the main hall for breakfast.

Neither boy said anything about Harry having to spend the night in the infirmary. To which Harry was thankful.

"Did Snape give you a schedule yet?" Malfoy asked.

"Yea," Harry replied, "Although I haven't had time to look at it yet."

"Well," Malfoy said, "its Monday so we have double DADA, with Professor Lupin"

"He is a werewolf, so be careful." Nott interrupted.

Harry's eyes went wide. _Mooney is teaching this year,_ he thought to himself.

"Relax Cain, he isn't that bad. It's the Gryffindors we are paired with that are bad." Nott stated.

"Hey at least Potter isn't here this year." Zabini replied and Harry wanted to laugh, _if only they knew._

"You're telling me." Nott seconded.

"Anyways," Malfoy said breaking in between the two, "after that we have Charms with Professor Flickwick, herbology with Sprout, then lunch and a free period, Transfiguration with McGonagall, and finally double potions with Snape."

"I hate potions before dinner." Zambini cried

"Me too," Nott agreed "all that slimy stuff, and the smells."

"Well Cain," Malfoy pointedly addressed Harry, trying to ignore the repeated interruptions from Zabini and Nott. "We do that every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we have Double History with professor Binns, who is a ghost," he said looking at Nott, "and boring" he said to Zabini before turning back to Harry. "Then charms and herbology. After lunch free period then double care of magical creatures with Hagrid. He used to just be the ground keeper but he is now a teacher. Go figure."

"You better eat something." Nott said to Harry, "If Snape catches you missing a meal he will take a demerit."

"Demerit, you mean house points?"

"No. you see, all the houses compete for house points, and all the teachers can take them. It's a Hogwarts thing. But demerits and scales, well that is a Slytherin thing. You earn scales for good work, and lose them for not following the rules." Nott explained

"Great" Harry said under his breath, "more rules."

"Uh it's a little more complicated than that." Zabini offered.

"What do you mean?"

"Well the way you earn your scales or demerits is kind of between you and Snape. It's not really the same for everyone."

"That doesn't sound fair."

"It is in its own way." Malfoy said gingerly. "Nott here doesn't have to go to the infirmary for a check up. I do." Malfoy said. "If I go, on time, I get a scale. If I miss and make Pomfrey or Snape look for me, then I get a demerit."

"That still doesn't sound fair." Harry said even though part of him understood.

"Okay what about this.

"I'm really good at potions. So if I get anything less than an 'E' on a test I would get a demerit whereas if Crabbe over there got an 'E' on a test, he would probably get ten scales."

"At least." Nott agreed.

"But what if you don't know what the rules are?" Harry asked.

"Snape won't just punish you." Nott said rather taken back. To that Harry just shook his head. There was no way he was going to believe that.

"Trust me, you'll know." Zabini added.

"I should add that there are universal rules too. He hates it when someone misses a meal." Malfoy said staring at Cain's untouched plate.

"Gotch ya." Harry replied picking up his fork.

The classes passed in the same way they did almost every year. The first day of term was usually a welcome, and an overview of the syllabus. Harry took his meals in the great hall on the request of his housemates and to his own chagrin. Where else was there to eat? Sure Harry knew of the kitchens entrance, but Neil didn't. Furthermore, what kind of student would eat all of their meals there?

Later that evening, Harry found himself sequestered in the Slytherin common room with his newly appointed study group. Draco it appeared was responsible for making a study outline based on the sylbuses they had received earlier that day. Draco took into account the groups weaknesses in certain subjects so that more time could be allotted for harder assignments in that class. Harry couldn't help but think that Hermionie would be impressed.

Harry noticed that the room suddenly went quieter. Looking up he noticed Snape had just entered. Mezmerized, he watched the man stride gracefully to an empty arm chair near an abandoned desk and sit down. Reaching into his pockets, Snape pulled out a copy of The Daily Prophet, and began to read.

"What is he doing?" Harry asked his study mates.

"Oh that." Nott said pointing at Snape. Seeing Harry nod he continued. "Well, during study time, Snape will sit there, for about twenty minutes. If you have anything you would like to ask him, or talk to him about, nonacademic that is you can approach him and talk."

Harry looked at Nott dumbfound. Slytherins actually talked to Snape, about personal things? Harry was having trouble processing this and it must have showed because Nott asked him, "What?"

Thinking quickly Harry stuttered "What if you have a question about homework or class?"

"Oh," Nott said knowingly, "just wait till he sits at the desk. That is when he sits at the desk."

"How long does he sit there for? At the desk?"

"About thirty to forty minute Spends really on how many questions are asked and if everyone gets it."

The group went back to studying, although Harry was distracted by the watchful Snape. Finally after what must have been thirty minutes Snape stud up and cleared his throat. The room fell silent.

"If you were assigned a special summer project, I will be making rounds and collecting them now. Please fetch them if they are not with you now." Snape said before moving over to a seventh year study group.

Nott stud up quickly and raced away, only to return a few moments later with a rolled parchment and a poorly carved wooden dragon whose wings were in full expanse.

"What is that?" Harry asked intrigued.

"Oh, I had a summer project. I went to Romania and visited a dragon tamer.

Harry's mind instantly went to Charlie.

"Is that were you got that thing?" Zabini asked pointing at the dragon statue.

"Yes." Nott said.

"How was it?" Draco asked

"Bloody brilliant." Nott said excitedly.

"Language Mr. Nott. One demerit." Snape said. "Have you completed you essay?"

"Yes Sir," Nott replied handing over the parchment.

"And was the taming of dragons insightful?"

"Very insightful Sir," Nott said nodding his head. "I had a lot of fun too."

"Fun taming dragons? Clearly that stinks of Gryffindor foolishness." Snape said sharply. To Harry's surprise, his study mates giggled.

Snape made to leave the table, but Nott called after him, "Uh Sir?"

"Is there something else Mr. Nott?" Snape asked.

"Yes Sir. ..I uh…got this for you." Nott stuttered as he handed the dragon to Snape."

Snape looking over the wooden carving closely soflty asked, "You purchased this?

"Um..No. I made it."

"Indeed." Snape'e eyebrow arched and Harry saw him take a renewed interest in the ugly thing.

"It appears to be burnt here on the wings." Snape commented while fingering the wings.

"It is Sir."

"Intrigueing, what spell did you use?"

Nott looked down, eyes searching the floor and replied. "I didn't, I carved it."

That simple sentence caused Snape to look up sharply. Harry watched as his features hardened, then turned soft. He watched as Snape slowly kneeled down in front of Nott.

"You carved this?"Snape asked in a quiet voice.

Nott's head nodded affirmative. Then Snape gently asked how it became burnt.

"On my first day, there was this Dragon, aHungarian Horntail and they were having trouble charming him to sleep. Well he let out a roar fire was everywhere. It burnt a tree badly before one of the tamers spelled water on it. Well that night, it was rough, and I was you know." Nott said turning red, then quickly looked up into Snape's eyes before continuing rapidly, "I didn't do anything. I told Charlie about it you know…how I wanted to, and he said he had an idea. So he took me out to the tree and cut a piece of it off. He said that scorched wood from dragon's breath is sacred in its own way. It has its own special power, because it didn't give itself over to the flames. It resists and that makes it stronger."

Nott must have sensed he was talking perhaps a bit too much, but Snape moved him to continue by saying "go on."

"Well we returned to his house with the wood, and he gave me a carving knife. He told me to be careful because it was really sharp."

Harry saw Snape's eyes darken. Nott must have too because he continued rapidly.

"He said that he charmed it though, so that it would only cut the wood. Nothing else. I didn't think such a charm existed. He told me to keep it. And anytime I felt like doing something to work on my project. At first I didn't know what I should make, but then thought a dragon would be appropriate."

"It is a fine specimen." Snape said looking with a renewed interest at the dragon.

"It has a nick there." Nott said pointing to the dragons right wing. "I got really frustrated and cut it with a little to much force. I thought of starting over but Charlie said you would like it more for that. That the nick was there instead of…" Nott didn't finish.

"Charlie is indeed correct." Snape said running his hand down the wing's imperfection. "I must ask of you Mr. Nott if at any time you,"

But Nott cut him off. "No Sir, not once. I wanted to a couple of times, but I did like you told me Sir, I told Charlie, or I carved the dragon. And you know what? Right before I left Charlie gave me the knife to keep and some more wood. He told me that he had never spelled the knife dull. It was sharp the whole time. I never even tried or I would have known. Not once Sir. He did want me to tell you he placed an alert spell on it so he would have known."

"Mr. Nott that in and of itself is a fine accomplishment."

"Thank you Sir." Nott's face lit up. He reached into his robe and pulled out a sheathed knife. "Charlie told me that when I returned here, I should give it to you to keep. He said sometimes even when you tame a dragon it can still burn you."

"When you have free time, Mr. Nott and your studies are up to date, you may find me and I will let you continue this new skill. Now lets see, you were away for three months approximately, I will say, thirty scales for your work."

Nott looked as if the air had suddenly left the room. "Thirty scales?"

To that Snape nodded his head, and thanked him again for the wooden dragon. Carrying it like it was made of delicate rarities; he walked over to his desk, and placed it gingerly on the corner facing him. Clearing his throat he asked the Slytherins if they had any homework questions.

The next afternoon found Harry lying on the grass by the lake. He was pretty sure that he was supposed to be in his common room, with his assigned study group, reviewing the day's lessons. But the thought of stuffed in the dungeons with people he wanted to hate seemed to large an idea to contemplate. Instead he thought of just laying on the crisp green grass, staring at the white clouds and not thinking.

Except his mind kept going round and round.

He knew that the Slytherins were always looked at suspiciously. He just never really knew what that felt like. He had heard them bemoan that they were treated unfairly by the other teachers, much in the same way the Gryffindors felt in potions class. For five years he thought they were just prima donnas complaining. But now he knew the truth. The points Harry would have lost Gryffindor now doubled now that he was in Slytherin. While they may be spoiled in a purely materialistic way, he knew that they never knew the emotional spoiling someone like Ron lived with everyday. Harry knew that if he was honest with the house of snakes, he would have been embraced with open arms. He wouldn't have to lie to his friends about his Uncle beating him; He wouldn't have to pretend that things weren't as bad as they were.

Then there was Snape. The whole school knew he favored his snakes. Being in Slytherin however showed Harry that it was more than house loyalty. The man actually cared. He still could not get over that scene with Nott and Snape last night; he still didn't know what it was all about. He knew Snape was proud of Nott for something and that something Harry was certain was not Nott's new found carving skills.

Then there were the physicals. The more he thought about it, why was it that the other houses never did that? Not that it would have made any difference in the end, since he _had_ to return to the Dursley's every summer, but it would have made his first months at Hogwarts more comfortable.

A small part of Harry wanted Snape to care for him the way that the man cared for his new dorm mates. But it was a lie. If Snape ever found out who he really was, well suffice to say, Harry didn't want to be anywhere near him when he did.

Lost in his thoughts he barely noticed as someone laid down next to him.

"Hi ya!" Luna exclaimed cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Fine," Harry responded, "How are you classes?"

"Good, I bet yours were rather difficult." She said turning to face the sky.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, aren't you with Gryffindor a lot?"

While for some reason, Harry thought it was the Headmasters doing, the amount of Slytherin Gryffindor classes was half of what it normally was, but maybe that was just because they didn't share potions this year. It was comforting on one hand to see Ron and Hermione so close but on the other hand it seemed painful too. At least they didn't have potions together. Harry wasn't sure if he would have been able to handle that.

"I was thinking," Luna said turning back to face Harry, "What is your middle name."

"I don't have one"

"Oh," Luna replied crestfallen.

"Why do you ask?"

"I was looking for something else to call you. I don't agree with your name. I guess I will have to nickname you."

"What's wrong with my name?"

"Well," Luna started looking dreamy "Some people say that a person is their name."

"Of course they are."

"Not like that silly. They become what they mean. I still don't think it was a good idea to name yourself Neil Cain." She whispered the last part.

"I told you I didn't choose it, it was chosen for me. I don't understand what you are saying."

"Well look at me, my name of course is Luna Lovegood. Luna means moon, out of this world, it is also part of Lunatic, or loony, meaning crazy. Sometimes my ideas are seen that way crazy. And Lovegood, well, you know me." She said finishing with a small smile.

"So what about me, my name?" Harry asked.

"Well, Neil, means Champion." Luna said airily.

"Whats wrong with that?"

"Well nothing really," she said looking a little upset. "Just you know… paired with Cain."

"What about Cain?" Harry asked innocently.

"It wasn't your fault you know." Luna replied staring deep into his eyes.

Harry was becoming unnerved. "Luna what does it mean?"

"Well do you remember the story about Cain and Able."She started slowly.

"Yeah a little," Harry remembering the summer the Dursley's took him to Sunday school. "Didn't Able kill Cain"

"No" Luna said her silvery eyes going moist, "Cain killed Able his brother. He was the first murderer."

Harry was finding it a little harder to breathe; nevertheless he had to hear the rest, "so?"

"So put together," Luna replied. "Champion Murderer."

_Cedric_, Harry thought, immediately he sat straight up. He was a murderer. The headmaster told him it wasn't his fault but had named him one. It all made sense, Slytherin wasn't for protection, it was punishment. "I got to go" Harry muttered quickly grabbing his bag. Without looking at Luna he took off and ran to the castle. Not bothering to stop when he reached the doors he continued running until he had reached the second story girls bathroom. Reaching a stall he promptly threw up the contents of his stomach.

Harry hated getting sick. I made him feel weak and small. He remembered the several times at the Dursley's when he had contracted a stomach virus. They would just laugh. Point and laugh. Harry numbly rubbed his watery eyes, feeling his stomach rumble again.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder as he hunched over the girls toilet. Instinctively Harry flinched and in a muttered breath pleaded, "Don't laugh at me."

"Mr. Cain?"

It was Snape, just when he thought his day could not possibly get any better.

"Sorry Sir," was all Harry was able to say.

"Infirmary, I think."

Feeling slightly dizzy from vomiting, Harry didn't notice the walk down to the hospital wing. It wasn't until he was seated on the bed that he realized Snape was still there and apparently wanting answers.

"You're sick what caused it?"

"I don't know" Harry dumbly answered.

"As you skipped dinner, it seems improbable that this was brought on by lunch. So" Snape drawled "What were you doing prior to getting sick?"

"Nothing," Harry said shrugging his shoulders looking away.

"I don't believe that. Don't look away." Snape huffed "what where you doing?"

"Talking." He replied feeling queasy again.

"About what?"

"Nothing." Harry said this time with a bit of a bite. _Why wasn't Madam Pomfrey taking care of him_? He thought to himself.

"Demerit, Mr. Cain" Snape said smoothly.

"What Why?" Harry demanded. "You can't do that."

"I can and I just did, would you like to make it two?" Snape said, and Harry could tell that his teacher was losing his patients, and decided to remain silent.

"Good," Snape said with a slight sneer, "now what where you talking about?"

"Nothing." Harry pleaded.

"Demerit Mr. Cain."

Harry's mind suddenly wanted to ask how many demerits equaled a detention. Merlin this was going to be a long year.

"Mr. Cain, I am waiting."

"Don't you get it," Harry said hotly, "I don't want to talk to you about it."

"Scale Mr. Cain for finally giving me an honest answer. Now listen to me. I am your head of house," he said softly. "If there is something bothering you and you need to talk I am here, as is Madam Pomfrey. I dislike seeing any of my students worried to the point of retching. I am not requiring you to tell me everything, but do not disrespect me by lying to me. If broach a subject you are weary of simply tell me so. Understood?"

Harry instantly felt guilty. The man was only worried about him, much like the way Remus would be if he had found him in the bathroom instead of Snape. He doesn't know it's me, harry reminded himself before saying "Yes Sir, Sorry Sir, I was thinking about how different it is here from my last school. It just sort of hit me all at once." There Harry said to himself, at least it wasn't an outright lie.

"Thank you Mr. Cain, for trusting me enough to tell me. It is not unexpected that someone of your age to be homesick. As Madam Pomfrey can attest, two years ago when we hosted the triwizard tournament, several of the students from abroad were in fact homesick and they traveled with several students and teachers from their own school."

Harry wasn't sure if it was Snape being nice or mention of the tournament again that made his stomach lurch, only that something did. Snape must have noticed his face pale because before Harry could possibly process the information, a bucket was held under him mouth and a potion summoned into Snape's hand.

Once his last bout of retching had stopped Snape handed him a vial, "For your stomach." Once the contents were drunk, Harry was handed another, "To calm." Harry finished it just as quickly.

"The combined effects of these potions" Snape said softly, "have been known to have a sedating effect. You are to rest here for a while. If you wish you may spend the night. However, if you chose you may join your housemates in the common room at nine."

Harry barely heard his words as his eyes fluttered shut.

"And Mr. Cain, two scales for the truth."

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

A/N Thank you for all your reviews. I hope Snape wasn't too OOC, I just think that there are more reasons why the Slytherins are loyal to him, besides his death eater status.

once more...ACCIO REVIEWS...worked last time.


	5. Bad Dream

"I wake up, it's a bad dream,

No one on my side,

I was fighting

But I just feel too tired

to be fighting,

guess I'm not the fighting kind." Keane

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The cat nap in the infirmary did wonders for Harry. He awoke with a clear head and a settled stomach. Not that he was going to thank Snape for that. The man had made him talk, something which galled Harry. Snape wasn't his friend, mentor or even protector. He was a greasy git. Harry was not now, nor would he ever be a Slytherin. He was only staying there because of Dumbledore.

A fresh ball of unease found his stomach once more, and Harry tried to swallow it down. The Headmaster proved, by naming him Neil Cain, that the Dursley's were right, he was a freak. But more than that, he was alone.

Dumbledore was no better than Snape. No, Harry thought to himself, at least Snape was honest. From day one he had hated Harry. It made him wonder what Ron and Hermione really thought about him. Were they too just pretending to be his friends? Were they simply too afraid to come out and tell him the truth like Dumbledore?

It didn't matter, not anymore. Harry now knew the truth. He didn't need anyone. For eleven years he was on his own. He could simply do the same until Voldemort died. With a renewed sense of self, Harry hopped off the bed and walked out of the hospital wing.

Once he entered the Slytherin common room he was called over by Malfoy, Nott, and Zabini. They instantly asked where he had been. Harry waved them off and told them he needed to get some sleep. Looking at Nott, he remembered the point system and decided he was going to need more of a clarification.

"The scales and demerits, what does it mean exactly; I mean what becomes of them?"

"Well, the student with the most Scales at the end of the year gets the Slytherin year cup." Nott said.

"But they can also be used for other things as well. If say you have ten you can stay up after curfew. Things like that, the rewards are really between you and Snape." Zabini added.

"Of course" Harry said trying not to roll his eyes.

"You also have to be in the positive if you want to go to Hogsmead." Malfoy said. "If you get a demerit, it takes two scales to clear it. Also ten demerits equal an essay, fifteen you have to write lines and twenty make for a detention."

"What about after twenty." Harry asked.

"I don't know." Draco replied, "I don't think I would want to know."

"Is there a tally somewhere? Where you can keep track?" Harry asked.

Zabini replied "Yes, in the dorm room, on the back of the door."

"I once heard that if you get a hundred scales in one year, Snape will buy you a snake." Nott said. "I am going to try for it; I mean I already got thirty scales."

"Twenty eight," Malfoy said sounding a little peeved, "you got a demerit for saying bloody."

"Still," Nott said. "It's worth a try."

"Indeed it is." Snape said from behind Harry, causing him to jump just a bit. "Mr. Malfoy, demerit for language. How are your studies coming? Have you caught up Mr. Cain?"

"Good Sir," Draco said. "Um Neil just got here and said he wanted to get some sleep."

"Very well, Mr. Cain I will escort you to your dorm."

Harry was about to argue that he could make it to the dorm on his own but found that Snape was already walking away.

"Mr. Cain, I wish to impart upon you that in Slytherin study groups are an assignment, view them as you would a class. They are not to be missed. Missing one without proper clearance is subject to demerits. Furthermore, skipping meals is also subject to demerits. If you, for the rest of this week, make it to each study group and meal, I will assign you five scales. Is that clear?"

"Yes Sir."

"Undoubtedly you have asked your peers about this system. While the punishments remain the same, the rewards vary is there anything you wish to work for Mr. Cain?"

Harry wasn't to sure what he was saying, "Sir?"

"For example, I am aware that your Hogmead permission slip has not been signed off. As it stands, you are unable to visit the town. I would say that after accumulating twenty scales, I can take you on a potion gathering expedition in the town. Since this is viewed academically, I would not require parental permission outside of your enrollment at this school."

"Alright Sir," Harry said passively.

"Think upon it. And other rewards you might find worthy of your time. Furthermore, I usually call the first years into a meeting each Saturday at nine. While I am aware in a gap in your ages, I desire you to attend at least the first two sessions. After that alternate plans may be made. Questions?"

"No Sir."

"Very well. I am available should you need answers. Good night Mr. Cain."

If Harry thought he could sleep anymore that night he was wrong. In place of slumber Harry could not help to stay awake and thru his mangled thoughts of trust destroyed he listened to the happy sounds of his dorm mates retiring for the evening.

Happy Slytherins. Harry realized he was in hell. But where else should a murder go? If Cedric was an accident, then what was the excuse for Sirius? His blood was pounding through the black heart of Voldemort. Harry told himself that he deserved this punishment. He bit back the bitter tears that threatened his eyes and remembered something his Uncle once told him. He didn't deserve to cry.

Time rolled on in a sedated pace for Harry. Classes blurred in such a state Harry had a hard time distinguishing charms from transfiguration, care of magical creatures from herbology. He ate his meals in the great hall, as asked and sat across from his assigned study group in the evenings. He tried to bear his punishment stoically. Others thought him subdued and quiet. Harry found alienation brought a level of invisibility.

Defense brought out the only emotion Harry showed the world. But only if someone was quick to look. He watched with longing the interactions of the Gryffindors with the professor, but mainly that of Ron, Hermione and Remus. He wished more than anything to join them. But he knew he couldn't. Sometimes in this class he would stare solely at Neville and wonder if perhaps the world would have been better off if Neville received the mark instead of himself.

Night was the worst. Carefully he would pull the curtains around his bed and with a whisper the silencing spell Dumbledore taught him. Lying back against the pillows he would relive the worst nights of his life until he could no longer tell where his memories ended and the nightmares began.

And so the first week passed.

At lunch on Friday, Harry received a school owl, attached was a simple note requesting his presence in the Headmasters office after lunch. Harry let out a groan.

"What is it?" Malfoy asked.

"I have to visit the Headmaster." Harry replied flatly.

"Did you do something wrong?" Questioned Nott.

"No, He told me before I started here that he was going to have check ins with me. I suppose all exchange students have to do it." Harry replied.

"Wouldn't know," Zabini stated, "never had exchange students before."

Harry looked up and noticed that Dumbledore had already left. "I guess I should go and get this over with." He said to the table before picking up his book bag and heading out.

He stood before the stone gargoyle for a few moments trying to steel his nerves. "Lemon Lollies" Harry muttered under his breath.

Slowly Harry climbed the steps to the Headmaster's office. Knocking timidly on the door, he was beckoned to enter.

"Ah, Mr. Cain" the Headmaster started, and Harry flinched. Harry swore right then he would never let the Headmaster know how hurtful that name was. "I see that you received my invitation. Please have a seat. Lemon drop?"

"No thank you Sir." Harry replied while taking a seat.

"Well, tell me how are you finding things in Slytherin?"

"It's fine Sir." Harry said flatly.

"Any problems I should be aware of?" Dumbledore asked.

_Yeah, I know about my name,_ Harry thought to himself before saying aloud, "No."

There was a strained moment of silence before Dumbledore reached into his desk drawer and pulled out two envelopes. "These are from your friends."

Harry took the letters from the Headmaster.

"I must insist that you read them here and also respond to them while in my office."

Harry numbly nodded his head. The first letter he opened was from Ron. His friend missed him and worried about Gryffindors house team. He thought it highly unfair that some other school now had their star seeker.

Hermione's letter stated she was thrilled he was learning new skills in a different school, but still missed him.

They both eagerly told him that Remus was back teaching DADA and demanded that Harry keep in touch. Harry found, looking at the familiar handwriting that he could not compose any kind of response right now.

"Can I write them later Sir?"

"Are you sure you want to wait Mr. Cain? I do not foresee you being called back to my office until next Friday."

Harry nodded his head and handed the letters back reluctantly to the Headmaster. The man had told him when they were in the snow globe that he would not be allowed to keep them. He was not even allowed to state 'their' names in the office for fear of the portraits talking. Silently he stood and walked out of Dumbledore's office.

The rest of the day passed in a blurred motion to Harry. He found himself eating dinner in the great hall without any relish, staring across the hall at the last table, knowing he should have sent his friends replies. But as to what he would have said, he had no idea.

During study group, Snape stopped by the table and awarded him points he found he could care less about. Shortly afterward he excused himself to go to bed. And without knowing it, he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Sleep found Harry a new playground…

It was the graveyard. A mist filled the ground. Death eaters surrounded him, their white masks simmering creepily in the partial moonlight. Harry could sense Voldemort somewhere in the background laughing bitterly with Bellatrix. Bit by bit the Death eaters approached him. Little by little they sent cutting hexes at him, all the while chanting "Murderer".

Harry screamed out but none heard his voice. Instead the Death eaters laughed. He tried blocking their spells, but found he had no wand. His helpless motions caused the Death eaters to laugh.

It was in those distorted laughs that suddenly something felt wrong. He knew those laughs. His heart twisted in the familiarity of those sounds.

As if sensing his internal distress the figures approached, slowly, one by one, removed their masks.

Clad in black stood Remus, Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore. Turning around he found Sirius and Cedric approaching from behind.

"No," Harry breathed out in disbelief.

Suddenly they turned around and bowed. Harry saw two figures approach. He knew they had to be Voldemort and Bellatrix. But as the figures grew close Harry saw it to be none other than Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia.

"Kill the freak!" His uncle screamed.

Harry turned and saw his Death Eater friends rise and point their wands at him.

"No please." Harry pleaded.

Suddenly, there was a hand on Harry's shoulder, spinning him around. It was Snape.

Wand pointed at the Death Eaters he cast a shielding spell, causing the hexes to stop.

"Potter there is only one way; give me your left forearm."

When Harry didn't respond Snape grabbed his arm and pushed up the sleeve. Out of nowhere a branding iron appeared the metal red hot. Before Harry could fully understand its use, it came slamming down on his bared flesh.

Harry's screaming voice could not keep up with the intensity of the pain. Looking down he saw through the melted skin and smoke the brand of a green snake.

"Now he is a freak." Hermione spat out.

"Mr. Cain!" Snape yelled shaking his shoulder again. Harry tried to get away from him…from all of them. In the background he could still hear the chants of 'murderer'.

"He always was a freak."Sirius growled.

"Mr. Cain!" Snape said again, shaking him roughly. He couldn't get out of the grasp. Harry needed to leave.

Suddenly his face was wet. Cold wet. The water found his mouth and Harry started coughing hard. Finally able to take a deep breath he opened his eyes. Snape was standing over him.

"Mr. Cain, are you alright?" The professor asked noting the sudden look of fear in the boy's eyes.

"Finally." Someone muttered and Harry looked across the room. It was Nott. He was in Slytherin, Harry told himself, he was safe.

"Mr. Cain, if you would please follow me." Snape said, turning to leave the room.

Or not, Harry thought sarcastically.

"In Slytherin," Malfoy muttered sleepily, "we try to grow out of our nightmares by third year."

Harry tried to ignore the barb as he hurried to catch up with the professor.

Adrenalin still pumping Harry followed his head of house through a door in the common room. Once through the door, he found himself in Snape's office. Harry watched as the professor opened a cupboard and removed two small identical vials.

"Mr. Cain, do you wish to discuss the events of that night terror you subjected all of us to?"

"No Sir." Harry responded quickly. He heard Snape sigh.

"This is a calming draught. It is too far gone to give you a proper sleeping draught. Please take it now." He said holding out one of the vials.

Harry had not realized his hands were shaking until he saw half the potion fall on the stone floor. Hearing Snape sigh again, he watched as the man pointed his wand and spelled the mess away.

"Sorry Sir." Harry muttered.

Snape appeared to ignore him, instead stating, "Do you think you might be able to return to sleep."

Harry voice failed him and instead he nodded his head.

"Very well, please return to your dorm."

Harry turned to leave quickly, but upon reaching the door found his conscious stopping him. "Thank you Sir." He said weakly before bolting back to his dorm.

Snape let himself fall rather ungracefully into his office chair. Removing the cork to the second bottle of calming draught, he quickly drank it down. He could still hear Mr. Cain's screams. Closing his eyes he could still see the boy grabbing his left forearm in pain. Snape knew there was no mark on the boy, and Merlin help him, he wouldn't let there be one. Now all he had to do was draw out the boy's trust. Tonight he was perhaps a little to harsh, but the raw fear in which the Cain had looked at Snape told the teacher that tonight was not the night. Hopefully some progress could be made with the first years meeting tomorrow.

A/N : Happy New Year !!! Thank you all for reading and reviewing. And to those who have asked, I do not have a beta so all the mistakes are mine. (Which is about all I do own in this story.)


	6. Strangers

"We might as well be strangers in another town,

We might as well be living in a different world,

We might as well, we might as well, be strangers." –Keane

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The next morning Harry was determined to avoid Snape, and his fellow dorm mates as much as possible. And yet like so many other things in his life, it was not to be.

He woke early Saturday and rushed to the great hall. Breakfast was at eight and he realized he still had a half hour to go till he ate. No sooner had he sat down, did Snape approach him and remind him of the first years meeting.

Somehow Harry was able to tell his head of house that he had not forgotten, although he had. Snape nodded in return and walked away. A moment later he was greeted by Nott.

"Tough night eh?"

Harry dumbly nodded his head.

"Don't worry about it." Nott said with an easy voice, "Happens to all of us. Hope they have pancakes today."

Harry was shocked at Nott's kind words. Why wasn't the other boy ribbing him about waking up the whole dorm last night?

"Me too" Harry said, "and um…sorry bout waking you guys up last night."

"Like I said don't worry about it. You should have seen us third year. We were all waking ourselves up out of our nightmares, by nightmares. You have no idea how chilling it is to wake up from a bad dream by Draco's ear splinting scream. I don't think Snape slept at all that year."

Harry thought about that year, it was the year Sirius had escaped Azkaban and was allegedly attacking Hogwarts. It was also the year Remus first taught. Looking at the other boy Harry smiled and said "Thanks Nott."

"Oh, that's another thing, unofficial Slytherin rule number 26 : being woken up by a fellow snakes dream automatically requires first name usage Neil. You like all the other losers in the house can call me Theo."

Harry wondered if the Hat hadn't budged, if there were no such things as Houses, would Theo be a close friend? His musings were interrupted by addition of Malfoy.

"Morning Draco." Harry said boldly.

"Good morning. I see someone learned number 26." Draco said with a smirk. "But did you _have_ to learn it last night. I was having a splendid dream about this fair witch..."

At that moment Theo coughed and Harry thought it sounded surprisingly like 'cranger', and ended in a chuckle. Looking back at Draco, Harry saw the blonds eyebrows arch.

"Anyway," Draco said sounding a little peeved, "what's on the agenda for this morning."

The two boys talked about things they wanted to accomplish, and to Harry it sounded like a lot of nonsense. But then he realized that they had little homework left to finish, and there was still the study group that night. It wouldn't be a problem. With an inward chuckle Harry realized that was what Hermione had been trying to explain to them all theses years.

"Okay so look for the chamber of secrets, then we go flying before lunch." Theo said looking for agreement. Harry had asked why they were looking for it if the chamber had already been found. Theo explained that no one would tell them where it was, so as a matter of pride to Slytherin, they would find it, open it and then promptly discard it as not being good enough for them.

"I think we should look for crooks after lunch." Draco added. And Harry saw Theo's eyes roll.

"What is look for crooks?"

Both Theo and Draco started talking at the same time so Harry couldn't make out a word of it. On top of that breakfast was being served.

"Pancakes!" Theo said excitedly. Harry found it odd that a Slytherin could find such joy in food.

"I'll explain crooks later. It's a d-thing." Draco said in a low tone.

"Alright," Harry replied wondering what a 'd-thing' was as well. _Leave it to Slytherins to talk forever in code_ Harry thought to himself before digging into the pancakes.

All too soon breakfast was over. The Slytherins asked if Harry was going to go with them, but Harry hastily explained he had to go to the first years meeting. Figuring it wouldn't hurt to be a little early; Harry made his way down to the dungeons.

The first year meeting was held in a room off the main slyherin common room. The door was behind the chair that Snape used in the evenings. Inside the room there were several small sofas and cozy looking arm chairs all done in dark greens and warm browns. There was a small fire place on the far side of the room, and the fire within the hearth was casting a warm glow to the room itself. The sofas and chairs were set in a circle. One by one the students took there seats. Harry took an arm chair nearest the door and tried to pick up on the murmurings of the other students. They all seemed very worried about something.

When Snape entered the room silently and sat down. A moment later, he was bombarded with questions.

"What happened to Emily?" A blond haired boy asked.

"Did she get expelled?" questioned a pretty first year girl.

"She said her dad would take her out of Hogwarts if she was sorted into Slytherin." The blond haired boy continued.

"Who is Emily?" Harry asked a brown haired first year sitting next to him

"The girl with red hair," was the reply.

"Mrs. Nightshade is still a student in this school; currently in the hospital wing. I will tell her next I see her that you are all concerned for her." Snape stated coolly.

"Can we visit her?" The boy sitting on the other side of Harry asked.

"Not as of yet, but I will let you know when you may." Snape replied.

"She really isn't going to be sent home?" Asked the same boy.

"No." Snape said his voice pure grit. "I am her head of house, or were you not paying attention on your first night here Mr. Holloway."

The plucky first year simply cowered and said, "No Sir…Uh I mean I was."

"Then trust me to deal with this situation appropriately." Snape sneered out. Looking around Snape realized he had the first years on the brink of tears. This is not helping, Snape thought to himself. He had learned the hard way that his emotions had a way of transferring to his charges. He shut his eyes remember the hoard of anxious students a few years ago. It wasn't his entire fault, there was a suspected killer on the loose, but his anxiety around Remus had its consequences.

Taking a deep breath he tried to rectify the situation. "Mr. Holloway, I understand your concern for your friend. That is, indirectly the cause for this meeting. I do not know what the head of your house in the past was like, or what things they stood for. They are irrelevant since now you are mine."

He saw a timid hand rise and nodded towards the girl, "Yes Miss Foley?"

"When you said Head of House, did you mean like my father? He is the head of our house."

"Yes."

"But…So you mean I don't belong to my father anymore? I don't have a family?"

Snape looked at the pretty child and felt sorry for her. Her kind in his house was a rarity. Her physical lasted two minutes. Her parents were as far as he could tell kind loving adamant supporters of the light.

"Rest assured Miss Foley, you like all your class mates still have a family. The role of head of house is a little more complicated. I shall try to explain. I am predominately concerned with the responsibilities of children. That is not to say that once you reach age of requirement I will no longer be here for you. Once a bond, any bond is established they rarely break. Now the responsibilities for children under head of house include many things but it is sufficed to say that the safeguarding of the said children is the utmost importance. You see there are certain wrongs that in the wizarding world can only be addressed by a head of house. Does anyone know of what I am talking about?"

Snape saw a few heads nod, but surprisingly did not see Mr. Cain's move. He continued. "You have to understand that the wizarding world in general believes itself to be greatly civilized, much more so than that of the muggle world. There are crimes that are considered to foul to be judged by the law. The only recourse is retribution by the head of house on behalf of the wronged party."

Harry asked "Is murder one of them?"

Snape looked up at Mr. Cain, and noted the boy averted his eyes. He wondered if the boy was still upset about the nightmare last night.

"No. Murder is a criminal offence and punishable by the Ministry of Magic, usually life in Azkaban."

"What type of crimes is too foul then Sir?" Mr. Holloway questioned.

"Child abuse is one of them. Rape another."The professor stated flatly, inwardly he hated the fact that eight of the eleven children sitting before him immediately tensed.

"There is nothing more powerful in the world, muggle or magical than a child. To soil that innocence is detestable in the least. The Ministry of Magic believes it is something that is so repugnant that a doled out punishment is not enough. That is why they leave the punishment up to the child's head of house."

The students went quiet, all seemingly lost in thought. Snape snapped his fingers and a house elf Harry had never seen before appeared with a full tea service. One by one Snape served the students tea. All of then were glad for the break in conversation. It wasn't until Harry had drunk half his cup did he realized he should have been shocked to accept the cup in the first place. Ron would die. Snape served him tea.

"Sir, may I have another cookie?" One of the first years asked timidly.

"By all means Miss Cooger," Snape said.

"Uh Professor, I don't think I understand." Harry said slowly.

Snape in turn arched his eyebrows."What is that that Mr. Cain?"

"We Sir, you said that it was the responsibility of the head of house to right the wrong of the…uh…abuse. But what if.."

"What if it is the head of house doing the abusing?" Snape finished for Harry.

"Yea." Harry said quietly, reminding himself not to look into the man's eyes.

"Two scales Mr. Cain for realizing the flaw of righteous thinking."

"But even the muggle world has laws against child abuse." Harry replied.

"There are activist groups within our society trying to establish new laws, but as of yet none of them have passed. Most of the wizards in power do not believe it to be that great of a problem and feel that if it was their child they would prefer to exact revenge themselves. Truth of the matter is that one in six wizarding children are abused." Snape paused for a moment to allow that thought to sink in to his students. There were roughly fifty new students this year at Hogwarts, and while not all the abused were sorted into Slytherin, the majority was. Clearing his throat he continued "Not all wizarding societies are as backwards as ours in this instance. Spain for example has laws against child abuse, but still allows for others to exact retribution."

"But no one is beating me Sir," Miss Foley stated.

"Then that makes my job that much easier." Snape said with a small smile before continuing. "I do not want to impress upon you that seeking retribution for abuse you may have suffered is my only function as your head of house. I am here to guide you into the wizarding world, to assist you in any way with any bumps on the preverbal road. I will be watching over your academic progress, and demand that you live up to your potentials."

The small room was quiet for a moment, all the students taking in the new information. Severus let it pass for a moment before simply asking how his charges were finding Hogwarts. This question allowed the conversation flow towards more neutral topics such as the best way to handle moving staircases, how to avoid Peeves, and to Harry's astonishment, how best to grate the Gryffindor's nerves.

Throughout the conversation Harry remained silent sipping his now cold tea. After some time had passed, Snape dismissed the students asking only Harry to stay behind.

"You were rather quiet during the meeting Mr. Cain." Snape asked when they were finally alone.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders and replied "Schools school." After all, he didn't have the same problems the other first years had with finding their classes. He had been to Hogwarts before Harry thought sarcastically, Hell, he had even seen things not thought to exist. After finding the chamber of secrets, the transfiguration classroom seemed easy.

"Indeed." Snape said looking thoughtful. "Think you are above a little help Mr. Cain?"

"No" Harry said dully then muttering to himself, "I think I am a little beyond it."

"In my observations only idiots are ever truly beyond help." Snape said evenly.

_Well you did always think of me as one_, Harry thought to himself.

"I have noticed that you rarely look me in the eye." Snape said changing the subject.

Perhaps it was the fact that Harry was growing restless in the older mans presence that he said boldly, "You seem like a man who always wants answers Sir."

"That could be true I suppose," Snape drawled out, "but that does not answer my question."

"Bad experience" He said quickly. Harry really didn't want to get into this with the potions professor. He was starting to feel too exposed in the other mans presence. Then again, he thought to himself, maybe if he made his fear of Legilimens known Snape would back off.

"Excuse me Mr. Cain."

"A… um… friend of the family, he used to find it _**funny**_" he spat "to look into my mind. Sort of learned not to look anyone in the eye for too long."

"That must have been unpleasant." Snape replied calmly.

Harry let out a snort and thought _Painful was more like it_.

"You have my word Mr. Cain that I will not Legilimens you."

Harry found Snape's voice strong and sincere. He almost believed the man. But five years of damage is rarely undone. "With all due respect Sir, I don't know your word." Harry replied trying to sound calm, but even to his own ears he heard its unease.

Snape didn't reply for a moment and in that moment Harry was sure he would be getting demerits for such a comment. But then Snape continued softly, "Then I will have to wait until such a time that you do know my word. Nevertheless, I will not be diving into your mind without consent."

Harry simply shrugged his shoulders, but still his eyes did not make contact.

Snape stood and moved over to the desk and picked up a piece of parchment. Turning back to Harry he said. "I have an assignment for you. I would like you to track your nightmares."

"I don't have a problem with nightmares Sir." Harry said defensively_. I have a problem remembering the silencing charm_.

"Nevertheless Mr. Cain," Snape said unimpressed, "I will ask that you make note of them here." He said handing the paper to Harry.

"You want me to write down my nightmares." Harry said rapidly, there was no way he was going to do this.

"No," Snape said softly, "I dare say you trust me enough for that, I simply want you to mark on this calendar what nights your nightmares plaque you. It would also be beneficial if you noticed a trend."

"Sir," Harry started gingerly, "I understand that you trying to help, but it's no problem really. The nightmares are no big deal."

"Indeed, I dare say you have any problems with nightmares if last night was any indication, I think you might have moved on to night terrors."Snape replied tartly. "For every night you are honest about this calendar, I will award one scale. A week from today, I will be looking over it."

Harry was quiet as he thought that he could easily fill out the calendar now. It was easy to do when one had nightmares practically every night. And as for the trend, he wondered if breathing could be counted. Harry sighed in defeat.

"Furthermore Mr. Cain, if you feel that you are in danger of having a nightmare, please let me know. One benefit of having a potion master as head of house is the endless supply of dreamless sleep potions."

"Alright Sir," Harry said and Snape wished he didn't sound so resigned.

"Good. Now I will see you this evening in the common room. Have a good day Mr. Cain." And with that Harry was dismissed.

Harry found himself instinctively walking out towards the lake. Finding his usual spot he laid down on the grass. He desperately wanted to clear his mind. His eyes caught sight of the white fluffy clouds in the sky. Harry willed his mind to follow.

"Anyway, I was thinking I like the name Anise. You don't mind do you?"

Harry turned his head to face the peppy voice. He saw her lying next to him on the grass; her hair was spread out giving it the look of spider's web. Her eyes were facing the clouds, and with her manner of speech Harry wasn't sure whom she was talking to.

"Uh are you talking to me?"

"Of course silly," Luna said turning to face him. "Who else would I be talking to Anise?"

"You know, my name is Neil Cain." Harry said tightly, he was really getting tired of people naming him.

"Of course it is." Luna said her eyes twinkling like…like the Headmasters Harry thought gravely.

"What?" Luna asked puzzled.

"You know who I am, you did last time. How? Are you related to Dumbledore?" Harry asked quietly.

This made Luna laugh. "No. Not related in the way you are thinking. But in a way yes, just like I am related to you. We are all a part of one another. We each define each other."

Luna logic. Harry wasn't sure he could handle that right now, nonetheless he pressed on.

"But how did you know it was me? Did Dumbledore tell you?"

"No he didn't," Luna said thoughtfully, "I guess it's just that when you can see things that _aren't_ there, it just makes it easier to see things that _are_ there."

After a moment, in which Harry was trying to process what Luna was saying, he saw the girl suddenly sit up.

"What's that?" She said pointing to the parchment in his hand.

"Assignment from Snape" Harry replied sitting up as well.

"How are things going?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "It's going okay. I guess. It's just all so ….odd."

"It would be odd if it wasn't though."

"No," Harry said with a half hearted chuckle, "It would be normal."

"Anise nothing is normal."

Harry felt he had to agree.

"I think the problem is simple." Luna offered.

"How is that?" He asked.

"Well, you might as well be strangers. I mean for years he acted one way, because he thought you were someone else. Now that you look like someone else, he is treating you the way he should have all along."

"I don't understand."

"Well," Luna continued, "you have always been yourself. I say keep doing that. Let him get to know you. Help you. Let him in Anise. You are there for a reason."

"But he hates me. He hates who I am."

"He hated an illusion of yourself. He hated the idea" Luna corrected.

"But look at me now. I am a lie. I am not the real me." Harry said defensively.

And at that Luna giggled. "Of course you are real, and the same. How else would I have seen you?"

Harry groaned and laid back down on the grass. Out of all of his friends, why did Luna have to be the one to know what was going on?

"Just don't lie to him Anise." Luna said gently.

"But I have to. How can I tell him about my parents? About the ….the dog or…..the champion." Harry said unable to verbalize the words Cedric or Sirius.

"Anise, before each of was born there was a war going on. There is a war going on now, without permission from the Ministry of course. You are not the only one who has lost. The death eaters didn't just scar you." She whispered solemnly. "Just leave out the key identifiers."

Harry realized then how shallow his words had sounded. Of course others had lost friends and family

"Oh!" Luna exclaimed abruptly sitting straight up. Reaching in her pocket she pulled out a coin and said "I have to go… D.A." and without a second look back she was gone.

Harry stayed where he was for a while, trying not to feel sorry for himself, trying not to wish he could go to D.A. with his friends, trying to imagine a world in which Snape cared. He stayed there not moving till his growling stomach reminded him he had missed lunch and he was about to miss dinner.

Harry was silent throughout most of dinner. But his dorm mates didn't mind. They too had remembered their own first years meeting. They didn't mind either when during study group the new boy was quiet as well. It wasn't until the tenth time Theo caught Harry eyeing Snape did he say "You know, if you want to talk to him, he wont bite."

Harry had been debating whether or not to approach Snape. To do so would mean opening up to the other man. Harry was tempted, especially after soaking in what Luna had said earlier. Her words of 'don't lie' and 'let him' echoed in his head. Harry realized he could at least tell the man about his dreams. He was pretty positive Snape would help him. And even if the only help was a few vials of dreamless sleep a week, it would be worth it. But it was like a bridge, Harry could see the other side clearly, but it was the crossing that was imposing.

"Maybe latter," Harry mumbled to back to Theo, as he watched his once detested potions professor leave his armchair and take a seat at the desk.

A/N: Thank you all so very much for the great reviews! I know this chapter was long, but I wanted it to stay together. And…If you noticed something 'Dark' with the Slytherins---free tickets to the mirror maze!


	7. wonder

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"I….I always thought that I knew,

I'd always have the right to

Be living in the kingdom of good and true and so on

But now I think I was wrong

And you were laughing along." –Keane

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There were very few things Severus Snape hated more than Order meetings. Crucio curse a la Voldie was one, listening to Malfoy Sr. talk about anything was another, and the thing that came in at number one, lemon drops.

The problem with Order meetings was the illusion that they were a democracy. They weren't. But Snape was the only one who seemed to realize they were all just doing Dumbledore's bidding. So why, they all had to meet up in some God forsaken house, discuss the most pointless aspects of the war over luke warm tea and dodge Molly's hugs was beyond him. On one hand he could count the meetings that actual seemed to make a difference. He would never understand why Dumbledore insisted he retell his latest trip into death territory. Couldn't the Old man just tell everyone the kernel of information gained himself?

To make matters worse, he had to escort Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. By some mark of insanity, the Headmaster had officially made them order members. So far the only other occupant in the house was Molly. Thankfully she was in the kitchen.

The two teenagers had their heads together and were whispering to low for Severus to hear what their petty little head were plotting. _Probably trying to figure out how to kill me and make it look like an accident,_ the potion master thought to himself. _Good thing they aren't Ravenclaw__'__s._

"Um Sir," Granger said timidly.

Snape rolled his eyes and resentfully said "Miss Granger?"

"Uh, we were wondering if you knew anything about Harry Sir."

A thousand possible replies crossed Snape's mind, as well as a genuine concern that the brat's two friends had no clue as to his welfare. But the concern was small so he said instead, "Have you not heard. He did not tell you?"

"Tell us what Sir?" Ron asked suddenly.

"Well, before term started, I received a letter, as did Harry. It was from his mother."

"Harry's mom sent him a letter?" Granger said, and he could see in her eyes the thoughts of looking up late sent messages in the library at Hogwarts.

"Indeed. It appears I am Harry's father."

Severus Snape never thought he would live to see the day Granger was speechless or Weasley faint, nevertheless at the same time. The idiot had even fallen out of his chair and on to the hard wood floor. Suppressing a cruel laugh, he only commented "Stupid boy."

Granger looked to be torn between helping Ron and confirming what had been said. But no words could seem to find her mouth.

_It's better than a __silencing spell_, Snape thought, _I should have tried it earlier. _

Mere moments later the door opened and several Order members entered, including the Headmaster. Ron also started to stir.

"Oh Dear, what have we here?" Dumbledore piped.

"Ron fainted Sir," Hermione replied. Snape knew the silence wouldn't last. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?" The Headmaster asked.

"That Professor Snape is really Harry's dad?"

"aughhh" Ron moaned, and Snape thought he might go down again.

But Dumbledore simply chuckled, "I must ask where you heard such a fanciful thing?"

"Professor Snape told us." Hermione answered.

Twinkling blue eyes turned to the potion professor's black ones.

"Well, you always complain that I should talk to them more." Snape mumbled in defense.

"So it's not true?"

"No it is not." Snape spat, "I would sooner die."

"But Sir, what is happening with Harry? We haven't heard anything from him." Ron asked the Headmaster.

"I explained earlier Mr. Weasley, Harry is safe and I cannot tell you more. His protection is of the upmost importance."

"But Albus, are you sure he is really safe outside of Order protection?" Molly asked.

"Quite," Albus said eyes blazing with their shine. "My most trusted eyes are on him. Always. Now let's get the meeting started. Severus do you have anything to report."

"No. I haven't been called yet. That is not unusual however; The Dark Lord knows how busy the first month of term is." _Unlike some people_ he added to himself.

And so the meeting continued. All that was discovered was that Voldemort was bad and needed to be thwarted. To Snape, it was an utter waste of time.

It was after midnight when they returned to the castle. After escorting the two Gryffindors back to there house, he hastily made his way to the Dungeons. Once sequestered into his private rooms He checked the seven clocks that lined his mantle. All hands pointed to bed. He decided to do the same.

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Unaware that his friends and adoptive family were called away for an Order meeting, Harry found himself entering a meeting all his own.

He had left the study group early stating he wanted to take a shower. Once he was finished, he entered the dorm room expecting to find it empty. Instead, he found Draco Blasie and Theo already there, sitting on his bed and staring intently at him.

"Is everything alright?" Harry asked timidly.

"That's what we want to know." Draco said cryptically.

Harry Watched as the three boys stood and raised there wands. Pointing behind Harry they each cast spells. Harry recognized one as a silencing charm; the others seemed to be locking and warding spells.

"No one's getting in," Draco said, "or out."

Theo and Blaise moved to stand on either side of Harry. Placing a hand on his shoulders, the pushed him down to the cold stone floor. Draco removed a large potion vial out of his robes before joining the three on the stone floor.

Harry thought his heart would beat out of his chest. He had been discovered he was sure of it.

"You attended the first years meeting today correct?" Draco asked interrupting Harry's panicking thoughts.

"Yeah." He stammered.

"So you understand now why Snape sent you here?" Draco demanded.

"Draco, hold on." Theo interrupted. "You forget, we had five years to figure it out. The guys only been here a week."

Turning to Harry Theo continued, "Look, we know things that could and in some instances get us killed. We know the reason Snape put you here, but we have to be sure okay?"

Harry was confused. He had no idea what they were talking about. Dumbly he nodded his head.

"Finished?" Draco said sounding a little peeved. Seeing Theo nod he continued. "Do you know what this is?" He said holding up the red potion.

"No." Harry replied finding his voice dry.

"It's a truth potion." Draco said dramatically.

Harry was ready to bolt when two hands found his shoulders and held him in place.

"Relax Neil," Theo said, "It isn't like Veritaserum."

"You just nick your finger and add a drop of blood. We will ask you a question; if you answer it correctly it will turn white." Blaise explained.

"And if you lie it will turn black." Draco added.

"What if…what if I don't want to answer the question?" Harry asked.

"Then you don't. Nothing compels you to answer." Theo said. "We just need to know we can trust you."

Harry thought it was a dangerous idea, even if he wasn't compelled to answer their questions. He wasn't quite sure he wanted to gain their trust, even if it would make the rest of the year easier. Regardless of whether he wanted it or not, it didn't look like he had a choice.

Draco handed him a small pen knife. Reluctantly Harry took it and pricked his finger. A small drop of blood was added to the potion.

"A control question first." Blaise said.

"What don't trust my brewing?" Draco charged.

"I trust your brewing; I just think we should make sure." Blaise retorted.

"Guys stop bickering, the potion only last for fifteen minutes." Theo commanded. "Is Neil Cain your name?" he asked Harry.

_Oh great,_ Harry thought to himself, _cover b__lown by the control question._ Harry looked at the boys and tried to stall. "Is that what you really want to know?"

"Have something to hide?" Draco sneered, clearly still peeved at the idea of a control question.

"Just answer Neil." Theo said rolling his eyes.

Thinking fast Harry responded, "It was given to me," he replied and then held his breath. It wasn't really a lie.

The potion turned white. Harry breathed again.

Looking up from the vial Harry saw Draco give a pointed stare at Blaise. "If we can continue, Neil are your parents Death Eaters?"

"No" Harry answered quickly. "They were killed by Death Eaters."

He heard Theo give a faint "Oh," and watched as the potion swirled from red to white. A moment later it was red again.

"Any family members Death Eaters?" Theo asked.

"Not that I know of." Harry returned.

The potion turned white before changing again to red.

"What about you. Are you one?" Draco questioned.

"No" Harry replied in distain. "I don't want to be one either."

Harry noticed all eyes focused intently at the potion vial. When it once again turned white he heard a collective sigh.

"I'd say that covers it." Blaise announced. Draco nodded his head.

"Was that it?" Harry asked. "Was that all you wanted to know? You could have just asked me."

"No, we couldn't." Draco said softly, "We had to be sure."

"Sure of what?" Harry questioned.

"Unofficial Slytherin Rule number 12: It's a D-thing."

"You have said that before, what does it mean?"

"What you hear in the dorm stays private. Any information deemed a d-thing is never to be used against one of its members. This information could be a death warrant for us. You have to swear you will never use it to harm us."

"Alright." Harry said.

"Look Neil, I will try to explain. All of our fathers are Death Eaters. They expect us to be good little Death Eater minions. The only problem is we don't want to be death eaters."

"We don't want to be anything like them." Draco said sadly.

"You don't" Harry asked feeling shell shocked. Looking at Draco he said, "But your father…"

"My father is vile Neil." Draco spat. "You have no idea what he is like. What he is capable of. I would rather die than turn out like him. Do you know what he gave me for Christmas last year?" Draco's voice was becoming rough, and Harry saw the blond's eyes go moist. Nevertheless Draco continued, "A muggle heart. Said he carved it out of her chest while she was still alive. He was so proud. When I didn't seem appreciative enough he…he" but Draco could not continue.

"Look," Theo started softly, "We are all assigned to this dorm for the same reason. We figured it out in our third year. Snape put us all in the same dorm and study group, not because are grades were the same or whatever academic reason he might spew from time to time. The real reason is we all want out. We don't want our father's future. We don't want our father's beatings. We don't want their beliefs."

"Your guy's fathers all beat you?" Harry whispered in disbelief.

Theo and Draco silently nodded their heads. But Blaise answered, "Not so much mine, he mostly just screams. What about you."

If someone had told Harry the day would come where he would have a heart to heart talk with the Slytherins, he would have laughed. Once finished, he would have simply told them there was no way in hell he would ever share anything with the son's of Death Eaters. Let alone telling them about Uncle Vernon. But sitting on the cold hard floor, hearing them speak, and seeing Draco's unshed tears he felt compelled.

"After my parents died, I went to live with my aunt and uncle. They think its fun to thrash me about."

"Figured," Theo said with a small shrug. "When you didn't come back from the infirmary that first night, thought you might get packed in with us."

"What about the other Slytherins?" Harry asked quietly.

Draco and Blaise simply shrugged their shoulders, apparently lost in thought.

"Dunno." Theo said. "It's dangerous. We know that there are several who want to be Death Eaters, Crab, Goyle, Flint, and Higgs. The others were not sure of. But if word got out that we are siding with the light…"

"Voldemort would be the least of our problems." Draco said cryptically.

"What about Dumbledore? Have you gone to him?" Harry asked innocently.

"Are you insane?" Blaise blasted.

"What?" Harry asked innocently.

"We are still underage. Once our fathers heard, they would pull us out of school. It's better to lie low, and pretend we are all good little Death Eater minions until we are of age." Theo explained.

"I see." Harry said and he did. Uncle Vernon mad would be nothing compared to Malfoy Sr.

Silently the boys stood up. Theo removed the spells warding the door and the silencing charm as well. They made their way to the beds, each muttering goodnight. All lost in the game of having to survive.

Harry pulled his bed curtains closed and whispered the silencing spell. He could not deny how heavy his heart felt in regard to his Slytherin dorm mates. It wasn't pity, but a keen sense of understanding. Dumbledore had been right; the houses did hide a secret life the others knew not. He thought briefly of his Gryffindor friends. He didn't think any of them could understand what the Slytherins had to do. Ron never had to survive. Neither did Hermione. Harry would never trade all his years in Gryffindor tower for anything. But he was starting to wonder what life would have been like if only he had let the Hat do its job. Snape's words from his first night floated through his head; "true sacrifice. Not the glorious sacrifice that others seek, but the quiet one that can only be known within."

Draco, Theo and Blaise all were secretly sacrificing part of themselves to stay alive. They had no one but themselves to understand them or protect them. Harry's heart sank a little more when he realized that the three Slytherins already understood him in a way that his best friends never could. Harry swore, if he ever made it out of this mess alive he would be there for them. That is if they ever forgave him for being Neil.

It was a long time before sleep called to Harry.

Harry was in the ocean. The cold waves slapped his face. No matter how hard he tried to coordinate his limbs, they would not respond. Instead his arms flayed about trying desperately to find solid purchase against the fluid movement engulfing him.

He was drowning.

Seeing through water speckled glasses he saw a life boat. All of his friends were moving up and down in tune with the choppy water. They saw him, he was sure of it. They all looked him in the eye as his head bobbed in and out of the icy water. Through mouthfuls of water he tried to scream out to them. He cried out for them to save him. The life boat was just out of reach. If only they reach out to him they could save him. But no one moved to help. Instead they sat, ridding the choppy waters watching him with indifference.

Harry felt despair rise up within him. He was about to give up and let the water submerge him when finally someone did move. He knew it was Luna, although he could not see her clearly. Sputtering on the water trying to fill his lungs he called out to her. She threw him a life preserver. But when Harry moved to grab it he realized it was just an illusion. In the distance he heard her giggle.

He suddenly realized he was crying. But it didn't mater. He was already drowning in saline. It didn't matter he told himself, and decided to stop flaying about.

Instantly a strong arm came around his middle, holding him tight. A moment later he found himself being hoisted up out of the cold water and into another life boat he had not seen. A warm blanket found itself wrapped securely around him. Teeth clattering he looked up into the black eyes of his rescuer. Harry realized he was still crying, but this time there was no other saline to disguise it. But it didn't matter anymore he told himself because his rescuer was whispering something he couldn't understand.

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A/N- Thank you for the reviews once again, they inspired me to get the next chapter out quicker than I had planned. For those who are worried, this is not going to be LL/HP. My OTP is LL/NL. As to the name Luna gave Harry, all will be explained. Also, the names of the first years were taken from "Something wicked this way comes." By Ray Bradbury…Another book I don't own.


	8. You know

"For a moment your eyes open and you know,

All the things I ever wanted you to know.

I don't know you, and I don't want to.

Till the moment your eyes open and you know." Keane

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Thursday night found Harry lying restlessly in his bed. Harry wanted to kick himself for not approaching Snape…again. He knew that he needed to talk to Snape. He had planned to ask the potion professor for a few vials of Dreamless Sleep. But at the sight of Snape sitting alone in his arm chair made all of Harry's collective Gryffindor courage fail.

And all because of a dream.

Harry had always been plagued by nightmares all his life. There were even recurring themes, like Cedric's and Sirius deaths. But those were mostly memory based. Then there were the Death Eater dreams. He still wasn't to sure which of those were real and, which were simply products of his imagination. The others were about his Uncle Vernon and Dudley. With such a wide variety of horror to choose from, he rarely had the same dream every night. Until now.

He had what he was starting to refer as the water dream, for the past five nights in a row. It was the most unnerving dream he had ever had. When he woke he felt like everyone knew about it, had seen it in some way. Especially Snape. It made him feel so….raw, like his skin had been removed and all that was left was an exposed bundle of nerves.

It made no sense. And in some twisted way, it did. Snape was always saving him, year after year. The difference was that he always had someone else near him, a friend by his side. In the dream he was always alone. Acutely alone.

Then there were the words that Snape soothed him with. Sometimes, in the dream he knew he could hear Snape clearly and understood their meaning. Other nights he couldn't understand a thing. But the man was always offering them, and Harry was always listening. In waking the words were lost, but the memory of them made his eyes prickle.

Harry sat up in his bed and pulled his curtains back. He needed a place to think. There was no way he wanted to dream again tonight. Looking across the dorm he saw his dorm mates sleeping quietly. He had to get away.

Unbenounced to Harry, a small alarm went off in the Potion Masters room.

Snape knew that there was a child out of bed. He also knew that they had not left the house. Some of his collogues might think him extreme to keep such tabs on his students. The other houses however were not marked as prime recruiting grounds for dark wizards. And while Albus would argue in favor of the occasional midnight snack from the kitchens, there was no real way of knowing the kitchens was the intended destination. Honestly Snape wouldn't begrudge one of his students a snack, just as long as it was before midnight. After that, his little snakes were destined only to be in their beds.

When he entered the common room however, he found it empty. Snape pulled out his wand, intent on performing a discovery charm when a small whimper found his ears. Straining to hear it again, he noticed it coming from the corner near the supply closet.

Slowly he opened the door.

Harry knew it was childish, and perhaps strange that out of all the places in Hogwarts he could possibly felt safe, it was a closet he chose. But it was the closest thing he could find to a cupboard under the stairs. For some strange reason, he needed familiarity.

He just needed to clear his head. He needed to get away from all things Slytherin. Perhaps if he wasn't so cold and so helplessly lost in his own misery he would have heard someone approach. As it was he didn't even hear the door open. If he hadn't been so focused on keeping his crying silent, he would have heard his name called. Well, not his name, but the name of the murder he had become. He had no idea Snape was crouched in front of him until a gentle hand came to rest on his shoulder.

When that hand made contact Harry jumped, and quickly stammered, "Sorry Uncle…" In his confusion he wondered why his throat closed up.

"Mr. Cain?" Snape queried softly.

Harry looked up into those large black eyes and immediately looked away. _He knows__, he knows, h__e knows_ he thought over and over_. He knows about the dream._

"Mr. Cain, what are you doing in here?" Snape asked quietly.

After a moment the boy muttered, "I just needed some place quiet to think."

"And a darkened dorm filled with sleeping boy's had nothing to offer in ways of a quiet place to think?" Snape questioned.

They boy made no move to answer. Snape momentarily wanted to tell him he wasn't the first and wouldn't be the last to seek a closet for safety. He briefly wondered if he should tell him that the-boy-who-lived had allegedly grown up in a cupboard. Instantly he decided against it. He didn't believe that story was true. As if it was, he doubted that it was a tragic as it sounded. Growing up Snape had lived in the attic. That could sound bad, but it actually was quite large and bright with plenty of room for his potion equipment.

His musings however were doing nothing for the boy curled up in front of him.

"Come with me Mr. Cain." Snape stated as he rose stiffly.

"Where are we going Sir?"

"Someplace more comfortable," Snape answered "and warm."

Harry slowly crawled out of the closet and rose slowly. Facing his professor's back he quickly wiped the evidence of tears from his face. Trailing behind his professor at a much more sedated pace he followed the man past the common room and through the door that lead to his office. Another door later Harry found himself in what appeared to be Snape's private quarters.

There were two black oversized armchairs that faced each other. A small sofa sat between them facing a large fireplace. On the mantle Harry saw seven clocks. The back of the room was lined with overflowing bookshelves.

"Have a seat Mr. Cain, near the fire if you would." Snape said as he moved to leave the room. Moments later Snape returned caring two large mugs of hot chocolate, one lightly laced with a calming draught.

Harry accepted his with a muttered "Thanks."

The silence that followed was strained. Or maybe that was just Harry feeling it was. _Was Snape waiting for him to talk?_ He wondered and then pondered how he could simply ask for a sleeping potion without speaking of the dream. Taking a sip of his coco he tried to figure out what to say. Instead it was Snape that started.

"What causes you to be awake at this hour Mr. Cain?" Snape asked.

"I couldn't sleep." Harry replied automatically.

"Nightmare?" Snape pried.

Harry just shook his head and heard Snape 'hmmm'.

"Have you been keeping up on you assignment?" Snape asked after a moment.

"Which assignment Sir?" Harry asked.

"The one I assigned you last Saturday. Are there any marks this week?"

Harry thought it seemed like a very round about way of asking if he had had any nightmares this past week. He was beginning to think all Slytherins talked in code.

"About that Sir," Harry said timidly, "I think it would be easier if maybe…well…if I just track the nights …you know…I don't."

Harry managed to look at Snape just long enough to see the man's eyebrows arch before training his focus on the bookshelves.

Leaning forward in his chair Snape asked delicately "You have nightmares every night?"

Harry nodded his head and tried to read the titles on the books.

_Practical potions for everyday use._

_The charm of potions._

_New tricks for an old brew._

Next to 'New tricks' was a picture of a woman he could barely make out. She was waving madly at him. Amused Harry thought she must not get much company. Snape voice brought his mind back to attention.

"You indicated that you did not have one tonight."

"More like I didn't want to have one tonight," Harry muttered under his breath.

"You are aware Mr. Cain that there are potions to aid with this?" Seeing the brown haired boy nod his head, he continued, "Unfortunately one cannot take Dreamless sleep for more than three times a week without experiencing adverse side effects. I think perhaps we should schedule doses two nights a week with the third dose to be used as an emergency back up, if you will."

A dry whisper of a voice asked, "You'll let me have some?"

"Yes Mr. Cain," Snape replied, "I would have let you have some earlier if I had known the extent to which you suffered."

Severus watched as his young charge closed his eyes slowly. A small tear escaped.

"In addition to dreamless sleep, there are other ways to deal with nightmares." Snape offered.

Harry turned his gaze to the potion professor's knees and asked weakly "how?"

"Exorcising them from your system, in some instances just acknowledging the nightmare helps."

"So just telling you I have a bad dream will get rid of them?" Harry asked.

"Sometimes," Snape said honestly. "I fear it may not be enough for you. In your case I recommend talking about them or writing them down. Some people even use a pensive." Snape left out that sometimes Legilimens could work as well. As it was, the boy rarely looked him in the eye.

"I can't." Harry said quickly. "I can't tell you."

Snape thought he looked like he was ready to bolt. "You don't have to tell me." Snape said using his most soothing voice. "Is there anyone you feel you could talk to about them?"

To that Harry shook his head and softly said "no".

"I could always have Madam Pomfrey contract a mind healer."

"You think I am crazy?" Harry asked and then winced at how pathetic his voice sounded.

"I do not." Snape replied sternly, "However, nightmares are a toxin. They need to be expunged."

Harry chanced a look at Snape. He appeared to be thinking. Not knowing what else to do he drank some more of his chocolate.

"Mr. Cain, if you permit me, I would like to ask you some questions about the types of dreams you have not the content. You can stop me at anytime."

Snape watched as the boy swallowed loudly, but continued. "Would you say they are based in reality, or are they more fantasy?"

"Reality," Harry said clearing his throat.

"Thank you. Now would you say they are memory based?"

Harry nodded his head. _He could do this_, he told himself. _They weren't very personal questions._ Taking a deep breath he explained. "Most of them are based on something that happened."

"And the other times?" Snape asked.

"Stuff that didn't happen but could, like bad things happening to my friends."

"Interesting," Snape replied. "So your dreams vary, they are not recurring?"

"Not usually." Harry said.

"Not usually?" Snape echoed. He knew with each question he was gaining a little of the boy's trust.

"Well." Harry started "Normally they change a little. But this past week…"

Snape sat silent allowing the boy finish on his own. Bidding his time he sipped his chocolate.

"This past week it's been the same dream over and over. Only a small part of it changes."

Snape nodded his head and asked gently, "Is this dream memory based?"

"No." Harry replied honestly setting his mug down. "It's strange that way. It's not like any of the others. It's creepy. Like when I am awake, I feel like people know about it."

"Does this dream involve people you know?" Snape inquired. Watching the boy's head nod he said, "People from this school?"

Harry felt safe to nod his head in agreement. Daringly he looked up into his professors black eyes. They seemed so familiar to him now. "Are you getting into my dreams?" Harry wondered.

"Mr. Cain?" Snape said puzzled.

Harry suddenly realized he had asked the question out loud. Trying to cover his mistake he asked, "I… uh… mean can you get into someone else's dream while they are dreaming. Like Legilimens on a person who is awake?"

"It is technically possible, in theory, but not common by any means. It requires I believe consent by both parties an outside spell caster and a highly complex potion. I have never heard of anyone doing such a thing." Snape replied, and then softly added, "Have you been dreaming of me?"

Severus watched as the boy's eyes went wide, and then quickly looked away. A blush was starting to cover his face.

"Enlighten me," Snape said sounding light and serious at the same time, "What nefarious deeds have I been doing? Boiling you away in some potion? Cutting you up into potion ingredients? Making you serve the detention from hell?"

Instead of easing the boy's fears, the comment seemed to making his anxiety grow. It had taken a lot to get the boy to open up. Severus wasn't going to let him close up now.

"It's not uncommon you know to have nightmares about your git of a potion professor. You could ask any of your year mates. I have frequented their dreams as well. You are not going to offend me with such things."

"It's not that." Harry said cutting off the older man. Harry felt the back of his throat prickle. He tried not to breathe too deeply for he knew if he did his eyes would lose their grip on his tears.

"So tell me." Snape whispered so low Harry was unsure if he heard it.

Maybe it was sleep depravation. Maybe the dream was just so toxic that it was eating away at his brain. Maybe it was just that soothing voice Harry had heard so much of in his dream. What ever it was, Harry found himself talking before his brain had even decided to do so.

"There is all this water. I'm drowning and it's so cold. Freezing really. And right there is a boat and" Harry's throat clinched shut as it sensed his friends names. "My friends are there, but they don't care. They could save me but they won't move."

Harry felt a tear slid down his cheek, and prayed it was alone.

"Then one of them throws me a life preserver, but it's just an illusion. I start to drown."

"Is that where it ends?" Severus breathed. The boy shook his head, and in that moment Severus prayed he was not an apathetic bystander in this dream.

"This arm grabs me," Harry continued, his voice shaking under the strain. His arms hugged his stomach. "and I'm in this other boat, and this blanket gets wrapped around me….its so warm…its like if I think about it I can still feel it. And I look up. And …and…its you."

Tears were no falling unabashed. Harry felt himself shaking. Half of him was horrified that he was doing this in front of Snape; the other half was feeling slightly lighter to have gotten the dream out.

Strong arms grabbed him, and lifted him up. Harry found himself walking a few steps. He knew he was being kicked out of Snape's room. How stupid could he be? But then, the strong arms were pushing him down and drawing him close. Somewhere in Harry's foggy mind he realized Snape had just moved him to the sofa and was hugging him. A very small part of him found the idea of Snape hugging him ludicrous. The larger part however, had never felt so safe. The idea that he was not being rejected, but embraced caused Harry to lose what little control he had. Clenching to the black robes if the potion professor he let himself cry.

Snape was whispering to him and through his sobs Harry tried to hear him. Just like in the dream he wanted to remember the words.

"I will always be here for you Neil. It will be alright. I am here. It's okay."

They were all promises in safety. Harry wished the professor would use his name. That would make them real. But Snape would never intentionally hold Harry like this. He would never offer the boy-who-lived these soothing words. But it was alright, he told himself. He was use to taking second best.

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A/N: I hope you all enjoy this chapter. (I hope it didn't seem too rushed or repetitive.) Thank you to all who have reviewed!


	9. Broken Toy

"I guess I am the record your tired of

I guess were just older now

I guess I am a toy that is broken

I guess were just older now."Keane

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"Well, you're looking better." Theo said as he sat down across from Harry in the great hall.

Harry gave a small smile to his dorm mate. "I slept pretty good last night."

"Thank Merlin." Draco moaned. "You've been acting like a zombie all week."

"Sorry bout that." Harry said sheepishly. "Thanks for keeping me up with the notes."

Draco simply shrugged his shoulders. For all the things Harry ever thought he would say about the blond, excellent note taker wasn't one of them. Harry imagined that if Hermione knew, she would be jealous.

"Just don't make it a habit." Draco said trying to sound put upon and failing miserably. "We will be using your herbology notes tonight. So try to stay awake."

The conversation was cut short by breakfast which was now appearing before them. As Harry helped himself to some porridge and sausage his mind drifted back to last night. _Did he really cry like __a__ baby over a dream in front of Snape_? If he was honest with himself he had to admit he did feel better. It was like a big rock had been lifted off of his chest. If he was very honest he might even admit to wondering if that was what having a dad was like. But perhaps that was too honest.

No. He told himself. There was no way he was going to get use to this new friendly caring Snape. It would be over the moment the Headmaster revealed who he was. And that was definitely something he didn't want to see.

His mind toyed with the idea however that Snape didn't really have to find out. What if Dumbledore never told him? What if in June, Neil Cain simply disappeared? It was, however a double edged sword. How could he really 'let him in' as Luna said and then go back to the world of hate Harry and Snape lived in?

Besides, if Harry was to do that, he would have to ask Dumbledore to keep it a secret forever. And the old man had already told Harry what he thought of him, a champion murderer. He was nothing to Dumbledore than a toy whose only use was to defeat Voldemort.

The rock that had been lifted for approximately two and a half hours this morning slowly came back to rest on Harry's heart.

SSSSS

It was after lunch; Harry had eaten barely enough to keep a rabbit alive. Like usual, he was lying in the grass by the lake. In the back of his mind he could hear Moody screaming 'Constant Vigilance! You're becoming predictable!' But Harry couldn't care. At lunch he had received another owl from Dumbledore. He was supposed to be in the Headmasters office even now. But He didn't have the energy to face Dumbledore yet. He didn't want to face anyone.

"They think they are being lied to. You should fix that Anise."

Oh great. Harry thought to himself, Luna.

"There were a lot of rumors in D.A."

"What rumors?" Harry asked suddenly wondering if Voldemort was up to something.

"You-Know-Who supposedly kidnapped Harry Potter and is making him work in a potato farm in Ireland, or something like that. I wasn't paying much attention really. I was trying to chase the Nargle out of the room."

Harry simply stared at his friend before muttering a disbelieving "What?"

"Well I told them I didn't believe a word about it. Clearly Who-must-not-be-named is NOT a potato eater. Dad did an expose in the Quibbler all about it. I guess people don't read much." Luna said looking out onto the lake. "And they think I'm loony. I mean really a potato farmer he's allergic." She said giggling.

Harry momentarily was transported to the dream.

"Anise, are you okay? You look like you've seen a Jabberwocky."

"What does that mean? Why do you call me that? Oh I know it's an imaginary seed that doesn't exist, but if it did it would be a freakish thing only you could see." Harry said shocked at his own anger.

"It's not freakish, its small see."She said reaching into her book bag. "I got Neville to get me some. He has connections." Innocently she placed the small vial in Harry's hands. It only contained a few small seeds. "I am sure Snape would give you some too, if you asked him. Have you asked him?"

"Why would I ask Snape for seeds?" He said surprise Luna was still talking to him.

"Because you need them." Luna said matter of fact. "I thought you were going to let him in."

"Let him in where Luna." Harry seethed. "There is nothing to let him into."

"What is bleeding you Anise?" She asked softly with wide silvery eyes.

In frustration, Harry rubbed his palms into his forehead. Why oh why couldn't Luna ever make sense? "I don't want to talk anymore."

"Well, if you don't want to talk to me, I understand. But perhaps you should write _**them**_." Luna said emphasizing the word them. "They haven't heard from you in over a month. Hermione is starting to act very odd. Have you seen her hair? It's festering."

She was right. Harry told himself. More than that she was only trying to help. He really did need to write his best friends. Not that he could tell him much. Looking at his old wrist watch he noticed it was a quarter to one. If he hurried maybe he could still catch Dumbledore.

"I got to go Luna, Talk to you later."

"I'll be here Anise." She said sweetly.

Harry walked up the stone steps to the Headmaster's office and tried to steel his nerves. He never thought there would be a day he would rather face Snape than the Headmaster.

"Mr. Cain, there you are, I was getting worried." Dumbledore said with a bright smile. "Lemon drop?

Hearing Dumbledore call him Cain, sucked all the breath out of him. Dumbly Harry shook his head no.

"Please have a seat." Dumbledore offered.

"Have I received any mail Sir?" Harry asked his voice dry.

"Yes, yes." Dumbledore said daftly looking about his desk, "Now where did I put them. How are things in Slytherin my boy? Is Professor Snape treating you alright?"

_Better than you_ Harry thought darkly before replying, "Its fine Sir."

"Thought as much, not such a bad house Slytherin," Dumbledore said. "Ah-ha here they are." He said handing Harry the letters.

Hermione was worried, he read. She demanded that he write her back. She informed him that they had started up the D.A. again and would be there if he needed them. But it wasn't the same with him gone. Ron's letter was basically the same. Was he safe? Was he flying? And most importantly, could he please write to Hermione, she was going nutters.

A small smile found Harry's mouth. He could picture the two of them now. In the background Dumbledore cleared his throat and Harry looked up.

"Will you be replying to your friends Mr. Cain?"

Harry simply nodded his head. Reaching into his book bag he took out some parchment and a quill. Using the back of his potions book he started to write.

Harry wanted to write each of them a letter. He wanted to tell them that he missed them, even though he still saw them. He missed playing chess with Ron in the common room. He missed Hermione's revisions, even if Draco might be slightly better at it. He wanted to tell them that Snape had hugged and Dumbledore thought he was a murderer.

But he couldn't. So instead he simply wrote.

_Ron/__Hermione_

_I am fine, been busy with school. Still can't fly, Dumbledore wouldn't lift the ban. Good to hear about Remus. __I can't really say what's going on or where I am, but I promise I am safe. Thanks for the letters.__ I will write more __later_

_Harry_

_P.S. '__Mione__, do you think you could send me another galleon? It will be good to see how far they work._

Harry looked at his letter. It wasn't his writing. "Sir, what about my letter, they will know the handwriting is off."

"Leave that to me Harry, your friends will never know the difference."

Harry nodded his head and accepted what the older man was saying.

SSSSS

Snape was leaving dinner when Dumbledore requested he escort him to his office.

"Severus my dear boy, please have a seat. Lemon drop?" The Headmaster offered as he took his own seat behind his desk.

"Was there something you needed?" Snape said still standing.

"My dear boy must I have a reason for talking with my most trusted potion master." Albus said eyes in full twinkle mode. "I was just thinking it has been too long since we last had an opportunity to chat."

Severus remained unmoved. He said nothing.

"I was wondering how our exchange student Mr. Cain is doing." Albus said in resignation.

"He is adapting." Severus said taking a seat. "I have placed him with in Draco's study group."

"Very good." Albus said "Very good indeed."

"Albus, what do we know of his family?"

"His parents were supporters of the Light. When they died Mr. Cain was sent to live with his aunt and uncle. I am afraid I do not know as much about them as I would like to."

At that Severus let out a snort.

"Have you learned something?"

"No." Severus said ruggedly, "But I have seen their handiwork."

With downcast eyes Albus asked "How long was his physical?"

"He spent the night." The response came flatly.

"How is Miss Nightshade?"

"She should be returning to Slytherin in the morning. I have assigned her to Sinistra since I feel I am more of a detriment."

"I am sure" Albus said sincerely, "That you would be a great benefit for the girl."

"Not now." Snape said shaking his head. "I fear she would see me as just another uncle with ulterior motives."

Albus shock his head sadly, "I trust you to know what's best."

"Were you able to secure her stay here?"

There were no twinkling eyes when Dumbledore replied callously "Mr. Nightshade will not be a problem."

Albus Dumbledore popped a lemon drop in his mouth and tried to savor the sweet and get a rush of endorphins; but with this current conversation he would needed a pure sugar cane to accomplish that. Every year he thought, this will be the year no one needs to stay in the infirmary. This will be the year Slytherin would be more of a house than a respite for hurting.

Looking across his desk he took in Severus Snape. The Gryffindors called him a 'greasy git', the Hufflepuff's referred to him as 'cruel' and perhaps worst was the Ravenclaw's claims of 'indecently unjust.' Albus Dumbledore however saw him as the man who tried, year after year, to save the broken down children and make them whole. Perhaps after all this time he was still trying to save himself; by keeping others from the path he took because he never had a choice.

It was in these musings that Albus realized something. The burns he had seen on Harry had also been on Severus. _Why was he always failing the ones he held the dearest?_ He thought bleakly to himself, _when __would it__ end._

Snape saw the older man's eyes water. While there were times that he wanted to cut out the other mans eyes, he didn't. Dumbledore did not understand the cruelty the world was capable of. In the Headmaster's estimation once the super powers of evil were eliminated, all would be right with the world. Severus knew that it didn't work like that. He knew that he was housing students beaten by parents that would make death eaters proud. But a part of him wanted to believe in that utopia. Even he needed that hope.

"It is perhaps a bit premature, but perhaps provisions could be made to enlist Mr. Cain for seventh year at Hogwarts should he chose it."

"Do you feel that would be necessary Severus?" Dumbledore said blinking rapidly.

"If I did not think he would benefit from it Headmaster, I would not have suggested it." Seeing the Headmaster unmoved he added, "It would simply be easier to keep tabs on the boy"

"Once a Slytherin Severus?" Dumbledore said with a knowing chuckle.

"Always a Slytherin." Severus finished.

"Hmmm"

Severus got the feeling Albus was not believing him. "I take it you don't believe Slytherin's house motto?"

"Oh I believe it." Dumbledore said placing yet another lemon drop in his mouth. _I am counting on it_, he thought to himself. With another small chuckle he added out loud "I was just wondering if you were aware young Harry Potter was destined to your house?"

"Don't be obscene," Snape sneered. Albus thought it was entirely too much fun sometimes to tease Snape so.

"I am not my dear boy," the Headmaster continued seriously. "The Hat was torn between the two houses."

"If that Hat ever had the inkling that the son of James Potter should have been sorted into my house, then it has served its purpose and should be reassigned to Hagrid. I am sure he can use it as bedding for one of his more dangerous creatures. If that is all Sir, I have matters to attend to."

SSSSS

Harry watched as Snape entered and took his usual seat in the common room. Although Harry had spent two hours with the professor before dinner in potions, he still felt a twinge of unease around the man. Snape had made indication that he was disgusted with Harry. He hadn't even mentioned last night. Looking back this should not have surprised him. He never ridiculed a Slytherin in public. Calling on his Gryffindor reserve of courage, he stood up and approached Snape.

Looking up from his paper Snape asked, "Mr. Cain is there something you require?"

"Uh Sir, I was wondering about the sleeping potion. You said…uh…I could have two doses a week. I wasn't sure when you wanted….me to…um…take it."

"Indeed, follow me." Snape said as he rose from the armchair and lead Harry to his office.

"I had no idea that when I offered you this potion you would be giving me a run on my galleons."

"I am sorry Sir, maybe I could buy some from the apothecary."

Snape quickly turned to face Harry. He looked mad.

"You will most certainly **NOT**." Snape seethed. "My students **DO NOT** buy potions from some imbecile at an apothecary."

"Sorry Sir." Harry said quickly.

"You have no idea how poorly some of those potions are made." Snape said trying to recover from the unknowing insult the boy had made. "In most instances, I would rather drink a Longbottom brew, melted cauldron included."

"I just didn't want to be a bother Sir." Harry said. Obviously this was a touchy subject for potion masters.

"It is not a bother, Mr. Cain." Snape smoothed, taking a deep breath. "My production of the potion will be increased that is all."

"Maybe I could help you with brewing the potion then." Harry said without thinking.

"You are under no obligation Mr. Cain. It is my duty as Head of House to provide my charges with their needs."

"I want to help." Harry couldn't believe he had just said that. "It's only fair."

"As long as you understand that it is not a requirement for my assistance, I will allow for it." Snape said sizing up the teen in front of him. "Furthermore, you are not to attempt to make this, or any potion outside of class unsupervised. Are we clear?"

"Yes Sir." Harry said with a small smile.

Snape handed the teen a small glass vial. Harry slid it into his pocket where it made a small clink.

Reaching back into his pocket he pulled out two glass vials.

"Anise seeds Mr. Cain," Snape said raising an eyebrow. "You do not have enough there to be truly potent." Snape said before muttering to himself "Merlin, I think you may need a whole field of them."

Harry looked at the potion professor oddly and pocketed both vials, one in each pocket. "Thank you." He said.

"Thanks are not required Mr. Cain. I believe the best night for you to receive the potion will be Sunday and Thursday nights. Try to rest well. There will be another first years meeting tomorrow."

"Yes Sir." Harry said nodding his head, "and thanks anyway."

Returning to his study group he curiously picked up his Herbology textbook and turned to the index. Finding what he was looking for, he quickly turned to page 456. Besides a picture of the herb, was a brief description. Scanning down he read.

**Magical properties**** of Anise**: It is said, sleeping on Anise seeds prevents nightmares. As such Anise is a common ingredient in sleeping draughts and potions, such as the dreamless sleep. Fresh Anise leaves are said to keep away evil spirits, but relying on the leaves themselves are not recommended.

Harry set down the book and let out a small laugh. His dorm mates looked at him oddly, but he didn't care. It was good to have friends, even if they were a little loony sometimes.

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_**T**__**HANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!**_ For all the wonderful reviews. WOW. I am so honored that so many people are enjoying this. It is the biggest compliment to me, to hear that people are moved to tears, or to laugh out loud at something I wrote. Thank you again.

Luna logic 101 Anise seeds prevents nightmares and wards against evil spirits. If one does not have seeds to give to a friend, maybe calling said friend 'Anise' will plant the 'seed' in their mind and help just as much.

(Here is the link I used


	10. Friend

"Where will I meet my fate?

Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate.

And when will I meet my end?

In a better time you could be my friend." –Keane

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The second first years meeting was held in the same room as before. Harry took a seat in one of the oversized arm chairs near the fireplace. Looking around he saw the same familiar faces save one. A small red haired girl sat in the chair closest to the door. Harry thought she looked to nervous to be a Slytherin. Nevertheless she sat, back straight in Slytherin robes. Harry thought she must have been the illusive Miss Nightshade.

Snape entered clutching a stack of parchments.

"I see you are all here. Today each of you will be going to see Madam Pomfrey for a check up. While awaiting your turn, you will be filling out one of these." He said holding up the parchments. "I expect honest answers. Mr. Cain if you would pass these out. Miss Foley please follow me."

No sooner did Harry pick up the papers did Snape turn to leave. He quickly passing them out leaving one on the chair Foley had been using. Taking his copy he sat down and started to read.

What subject at school do you feel you excel at?

What subject is your worst?

What activities do you find pleasing?

List five possible rewards for scales earned.

What are your plans when you leave Hogwarts?

What vocation would you pursue if the matter was entirely up to you?

Harry found himself wondering why Snape wanted to know all of this.

"What does number seven mean?" The blond haired boy asked Harry.

"What type of job, do you and only you want?" Harry returned.

Instantly Harry wrote down Auror. Seeing the word written down however gave him a moment of pause. It wasn't really the answer to the question. It was what everyone expected of him, so much so that he believed it to be what he wanted as well. Was it what Neil wanted? Harry wondered. If he was to live the rest of his life as Neil Cain, what profession would he chose?

Harry only wanted to be an auror so that he could get the bad guys and then live a normal life. But then what? Harry knew he didn't want to live his whole life in a profession known for violence. Truth be told, he really just wanted the training so that he could take out Voldemort and his band of death eaters. He wanted to help people. Not knowing what else to write down however he let the answer stay.

The first question was much easier, DADA. The second question had him drawn between potions and divination. He finally chose divination. In the past two weeks, potion class hadn't been so bad. Besides, he was going to be helping Snape brew the sleeping potion as payment for using so much. He didn't want the man to think he was an imbecile.

"Mr. Cain," Snape called.

"I'm not finished Sir."

"You may complete it when you are done."

Harry set his paper on his chair and followed Snape out of the room and into the common room. Seconds later he arrived in the infirmary.

"Mr. Cain, we meet again." Madam Pomfrey said cheerfully. Turning to Snape she asked, "Is he the last one?"

Snape nodded his head in affirmative.

"Please have a seat on the bed." Madam Pomfrey said sweetly. Once Harry took his seat the mediwitch passed her wand over him.

"Hmmm," She puzzled as she passed the wand again over Harry's head. Harry sucked in his breath. Had she discovered the charm hiding his scar? Instantly he realized he didn't want his time in Slytherin to be over. Somehow that idea scared him more than the thought of being discovered.

"What is it?" Snape asked.

"His anemia hasn't resolved as much as I would have liked." She answered the professor. "However it is just under normal. Mr. Cain I must impart on you that it wont due at all to miss meals. Additionally I think a vitapotion once a week should suffice."

"I'm anemic?" Harry asked surprised.

The mediwitch nodded her head. "I don't see any physiological reasons for you to be, so I believe it is solely related to your diet. I expect you to eat ALL of your meals Mr. Cain, and take the supplement once a week."

"I have some in my stores; I will ensure he takes it." Snape said, and Harry knew he meant it.

"Very good Severus, I will leave it to you then. If you do not see an improvement please bring him back to me for a work up." Poppy said before turning back to Harry. "Now, let me see your back."

The two adults moved behind Harry. One of them lifted up his shirt. "They are healing fine. In another week you could start applying a scar remover if you wish." She said softly. Harry felt his shirt being tugged down. The two adults came back to the front. He was almost scared to look at them; for fear that they would be wearing looks of disgust.

"All done Mr. Cain. If you need anything please do not hesitate to seek me out."

Madam Pomfrey's voice didn't sound disgusted and looking up he saw her soft smile and found himself returning one of his own. Hopping off the bed he moved to follow Snape out of the infirmary, stopping only to say "Thank you."

Back in the meeting room Snape announced, "When you are finished with your assignment, please use that door and come into my office. Once I have reviewed your work, you will be free to leave. We will be meeting back here next Saturday at nine."

Foley was the first one to stand up and follow the teacher into his office. Harry looked back down at his paper and knew he needed to hurry. Looking back down at question number seven he thought about Madam Pomfrey. Before he knew Hogwarts existed he had wanted to be a doctor. He had written an essay in primary school about it. He had even received top marks. That night when he had showed it to his Aunt and Uncle, they laughed at him and told him he was too stupid to ever be a doctor. Besides they said medical school was expensive and there was no way they were going to pay his way for that.

His Aunt and Uncle weren't here however, and Harry Potter who is destined to become a great auror was allegedly at another school. Feeling bold, and for some strange reason, mischievous, he crossed out auror and wrote healer.

Working his way up the paper he answered number six; Move out of my guardians house and live alone.

Next was number four, rewards for scales earned. If he was good, really good what would be something he would want? There was one thing he had always wanted to do, and so defiantly he wrote it down. The ink had yet to dry when he realized what he had written. Quickly he scribbled it out.

Looking up he realized he was the second to last student left in the room.

Turning back to the paper he saw a big hole under activities. Flying instantly came to mind, but he was still under a ban. While he couldn't put down quidditch, he could say he enjoyed watching the sport. What else, he thought to himself, surely he wasn't this boring. He did enjoy playing chess. However, he thought he enjoyed it simply because it was something he did with Ron. Nevertheless, he wrote it down. He did also enjoy reading. Reviewing his answer he saw quidditch, chess, and reading. Harry smirked as he added snakes to the list. After all, lots of people were into snakes. No one had to know that he could talk to them.

"Mr. Cain, if you are ready." Snape called out to him. Harry wasn't really ready, but he stood up and left the empty room.

Handing his paper to Snape, he took a seat near the desk.

After a moment his professor looked up and said "I see you like snakes. Fortunate you were sorted into Slytherin." Snape said with a small smirk.

"Can people learn to speak to snakes Sir?"

"Very rarely, if ever. Like divination it is usually a skill you possess or don't." Snape said examining the paper some more. "Quidditch holds an interest for you as well, have you thought of trying out for the Slytherin team."

Harry blanched. Ron would kill him if he ever played for Slytherin. There was also the manner of the ban. Trying not to lie he said, "No Sir, I can't play."

"Indecisive about the future I see." Snape said. "You are torn between Healer and?"

"Becoming an Auror," Harry said honestly. "Well, being an Auror is kind of expected of me."

"But you would choose to become a Healer." Snape questioned.

Harry simply nodded his head and said "Yes Sir."

"I also see you wrote something down under rewards but scratched it out." Snape inquired lightly.

"It was silly." Harry said suddenly nervous.

"I am curious what you would find a silly reward."

"It's nothing." Harry replied.

"If it is nothing, then why are you avoiding telling me?" Snape drawled.

"I wanted; I mean I wrote down that I..." Harry sighed, "I wanted to visit my parent's grave."

"And why would that be silly." Snape asked seriously.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I thought you would just think it frivolous."

"I see nothing frivolous about your desire to visit your parent's grave. How long has it been since last you visited?"

Harry mumbled under his breath.

"Mr. Cain, please speak up."

"Never." Harry said in defeat. _Why oh why did he have to write that down._

Snape's eyebrows shot up. "Never." He repeated.

"I don't know." Harry said uneasily. "I was really young when they died. If I went, I don't remember it."

"Your current guardians never arranged for you to go?"

Harry let out a bitter laugh. "They never really liked my parents."

"I see," Snape said somberly. "While I think it is important for you to go, I do not believe this is an appropriate reward for earning scales."

Harry nodded his head. It was after all, just wishful thinking.

"Do you understand why?"

Harry briefly looked up at his teacher and wondered what game he was playing. Obviously Harry knew it wasn't going to happen. That is why he had crossed it out.

"It would require me to leave the school grounds." Harry mumbled.

Snape shook his head.

_Why __was Snape__ being such a git about this_, Harry thought to himself before spitting out; "Because it would take up too much of your time."

"No Mr. Cain," Snape said calmly and slowly, "because it is not a reward. Visiting your parent's grave is not a privilege for doing something good, but a right. Delegating it as a reward would be disrespectful. It is your right as their child to visit their resting place. Do you understand what I am telling you? No child should be denied that."

Harry felt shell shocked as he realized he had never really asked because he never thought he could. He realized that he didn't think Snape would view visiting his parents gravesite as frivolous, he did. Or at least he had been conditioned to think so. To hear Snape talk about it, he realized it was he was well within his rights to demand such a visit.

"I…." Harry stammered unable to continue.

"Never thought you could ask," Snape sighed.

Harry numbly nodded his head.

"No doubt the idea that you couldn't ask for what is yours was beaten into you." Snape sneered.

"I wasn't abused." Harry said defensively.

"Of course not," Snape said sarcastically, "you simply enjoy putting out cigars on your back."

Harry desperately did not want to have this conversation. His mind went to that first night in the hospital wing and stuttered out, "I don't want to talk about that Sir."

"Very well Mr. Cain I will respect that," Snape said evenly. "But let me say this, it _is_ something that needs to be addressed. Furthermore, I will not allow you to protect your abusers. In the future such an action will result in a demerit. Am I clear?"

"Yes Sir," was all Harry was able to say.

"Dismissed."

Harry felt odd leaving the potions classroom. It was hard to wrap his mind around this side of Snape. In a way he almost wished that things between the two of them were back to normal. An angry Snape was predictable, where as an understanding one was just eerie. The thing with Snape he realized was that he wasn't surprised. He wasn't horrified or embarrassed. He didn't act grief stricken that Harry's uncle beat him. In fact the only emotion that Harry saw was anger directed at his guardians.

He had seen the burns on his back and didn't flinch. He treated them like cold hard facts. While he didn't condone their treatment, he didn't squirm away from it either.

While hints at possible abuse sent his friends into a tizzy of fear and shock, Snape accepted it. Just like his new dorm mates. Then again, hadn't Snape showed him his burns?

Harry made his way to the lake. He wanted to talk to Luna. But she was no where to be found. Idly he wondered if there was a D.A. session. He toyed with the idea of going to the room of requirement but decided against it. How would he ever explain that as a new student found it so easily?

He tried to think where a Ravenclaw would be on a Saturday. _The library_he thought

Once there, a quick look around showed Luna sitting next to a haphazardly large stack of books.

"Hi Anise!" Luna exclaimed when he approached the table.

Harry felt himself smile at her name for him. "Hi Luna. I was looking for you."

"Really?" She said amazed.

"Thanks for the name by the way. It was nice of you. But how did you know?"

Luna simply smiled and tilted her head. "So is Snape going to give you some?"

Harry let out a small chuckle and replied "Yes. Twice a week." He then took the seat across from her.

Luna looked at him with her piercing silver eyes. "So?" She whispered.

Harry wasn't sure what she was asking. But spending this much time with Luna he had a guess. Taking a deep breath he said "Do you think he will be really angry when he finds out."

"Of course" She replied without missing a beat. "Snape will be furious. He will explode when he finds out it's you."

"That's not helpful" Harry said a little crushed.

Luna giggled and replied "He'll get over it, as long as you're honest with him."

"I almost wish he would never find out." Harry whispered.

"I know." Luna whispered.

"Finally!" Hermione said sitting down at the table with a large book in her hands. "I never thought I would find it."

"What are you looking for?" Harry asked.

"She is researching how to send delayed messages." Luna answered him.

"Why?" Harry asked

"Don't ask." Luna mumbled under her breath.

"Someone told me that…well you see they told me this joke about someone who had sent a delayed message. I just wanted to know if it was possible."

"Oh" Harry replied.

"You're the exchange student correct?" Hermione asked eyeing him closely. "We haven't met yet, I am Hermione Granger."

"Researcher of jokes," Luna giggled.

Harry smiled and extended his hand, "Neil Cain, nice to meet you."

"I see you have already met Luna."

"Yes," Harry said, "We met on the train."

"How do you like Hogwarts?" Hermione asked.

"It's nice." Harry replied.

"I bet it's different." Luna said knowingly.

"You know, there is a book you should read." Hermione said reaching into her book bag, "it's called 'Hogwarts, a history'. It explains all sorts of things about this school. You might find it useful" She said handing Harry the book.

Harry had to suppress a laugh as he accepted the book. "Thanks. I'll be sure to read it."

Hermione started telling Harry all sorts of things about the school. But Harry never interrupted her, and often asked her to continue. Occasionally Luna would giggle, but it never seemed to derail Hermione's lecture.

Sitting there talking innocently to Hermione, Harry realized he didn't want to spend the rest of his school days in Slytherin. He missed his best friends. Bitterly he thought it summed up his life's story. Always wanting something he could never have. He wanted his best friends and the guidance Snape was offering. Was he to spend the rest of his life divided up?

Later that night Harry got the distinct impression that Draco Malfoy was pissed at him. At Dinner when he wouldn't even talk to him Theo had mumbled "d-thing'. During study group, Draco would barely look at him. Harry was about to give up. After all why should he care if the ferret was mad?

Harry was walking into the dorm when Draco pushed him from behind. Once in the room proper, Draco turned and slammed the door shut. After casting a silencing charm Draco turned to face Harry.

"What the hell Draco?"

"I should ask you. What were you doing with her?"

"Who?"

"Granger. I saw you in the library."

"We were talking." Harry said.

"What about?" Draco demanded.

"Why do you care?" Harry yelled back.

"Because he is madly in love with her," Theo said sitting up on his bed.

"That's not funny Nott." Draco spat, but the blond was blushing.

"The truth rarely is." Theo said delicately before turning to Harry. "Blokes had it bad for her since first year."

"Are you serious?" Harry asked dazed.

"I'm not allowed to." Draco said collapsing onto his bed.

"What?" Harry questioned.

"She's a muggle born. I have to hate all muggle borns. I have to call her mudblood in public." Draco said lifelessly. It sounded like a mantra.

"But you love her?" Harry asked still shocked.

"Yes." Draco said painfully "always."

"Bloody Shakespeare is what it is." Theo alleged.

Harry was about to ask why Draco just didn't try to be nicer to Hermione. Maybe pull her aside and tell her everything. But then reality came crashing down. There were spies everywhere, and it was a huge risk to take not knowing how she would react.

"Tell him about the gift." Theo said to Draco.

Sitting up on the bed, Draco turned to Harry. "You remember that gift my father got me last Christmas. Well, it was a warning I think."

"How?" Harry asked.

"Well, he found a sketch I did of her. When he asked me about it, I tried to cover by saying that it was an assignment for class. That I had to draw a mandrake or something so I drew her, thinking it would be funny. He didn't buy it. And then that Christmas…I honestly thought he…that it was her heart." Draco sounded near tears and Harry felt at a loss as to what to do.

Suddenly Draco sat up and wiped his eyes. Trying to sound light, he asked "So what did you guys talk about?"

"Nothing really." Harry replied. "She mostly just told me about the school. She gave me a book."

"Which one?" Draco quickly asked.

"Hogwarts, a history', did you want to read it." Harry said reaching over to his book bag to pull it out.

"Do you mind?" Draco asked.

"Not at all." Harry said and strangely he meant it.

"Draco haven't you already read that book?" Theo asked jokingly.

"Yes, but I haven't read _her_ copy." He said with a big smile.

They teens finished getting ready for bed; throughout it all Draco admonished them to be quiet. He was after all reading.

Harry drew the curtains around his bed and whispered the silencing spell. He had slept so peacefully last night, thanks to the potion. He knew he would have no such luck tonight.

And he didn't. Once again Harry was in the ocean. Once again he was drowning. But this time he knew Snape was there. Turning around in the water he looked for the other lifeboat. He found it. But this time Snape was pulling someone else out of the water. It was a brown haired boy, with warm brown eyes. Harry realized it was Neil.

The knowledge brought Harry out of the dream quickly. Feeling trapped in the blankets he quickly threw them off. Opening the bed curtains he sat on the side of the bed. Breathing rapidly he wondered briefly if he had woken anyone up. But his friends were still sound asleep.

Moving quietly he made his way out of the dorm room. Distinctly he found himself moving to the broom closet in the common room. Standing in front of it, hand on the door, a small part of him could not believe he was about to crawl into it. "Why couldn't I be normal?" He found himself asking.

"Nothing is normal." Snape said softly.

Harry spun around and came face to face with his potions professor.

"Another bad dream Mr. Cain?"

Harry felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Snape must have known that he was incapable of answering because he gently said, "follow me."

And so once again Harry found himself inside the potion master's private quarters. Once more Snape served him hot chocolate.

"Is something on your mind?"Snape asked softly.

_Yes,_ Harry thought to himself, _Draco is madly in love with __Hermione__. And now that I have gotten to know him, I think they would be perfect for each other. I still don't understand how Luna knew about the nightmares or even who I am. It makes me wonder what else she __knows.__ I miss Ron, and would love to fly just one lap around the pitch.__ I don't understand why Dumbledore hates me so much.__ Oh and I still can't understand why you are being so nice to me. __I am worried that I will get use to it. I worry that once you find out who I am you'll kill me._

"Not really." Harry lied.

"I have not had the opportunity to speak with the Headmaster today, but I will endeavor to assist you in your desire to visit your parent's graveyard." Snape said soothingly.

Harry chocked on his hot chocolate. "Thank you Sir. That is kind of you." He managed through coughs. _Too bad it would never happen._

"Thanks are not required Mr. Cain." Snape returned.

Harry slowly nodded his head. He turned his attention to the book shelves. Once again he saw the same excited witch smiling brightly at him and waving. Leaning forward to get a better glance at the photo Harry almost dropped his mug. It was his mother.

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A/N- Thanks again for all the great reviews and encouragement. This was a hard chapter to write. Once again I would like to say, No, I don't have a beta…but I am working on it.


	11. If only

Ladies and Gents, it is my pleasure to introduce Beta extordinare Graenr! (Who whipped those pronouns of mine into shape! Thank you.)

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"You'll make mistakes,

And it's my back that breaks,

And forever my past steals my life

To submission I'm beat,

But there's hope beneath these feet."-Fiction Plane

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Albus Dumbledore was rarely nervous. That is not to say he never worried about things. He did. But nervousness was something that hardly ever happened. The last time he had felt this psychotic twitter in his stomach was when the clerk at Honeydukes had told him quite solemnly they were thinking of discontinuing lemon drops.

However, after pleading his case to Mr. Flume, at wand point, it was decided that the confection would always remain on the selves.

But the butterflies that were now flying freely in the Headmaster's stomach were of a different breed. Green and silver wings were sharply scratching at his stomach lining all because Severus Snape had asked him for a favor. There inlay the problem. Severus plotted with him, he demanded things be done, he even on occasion simply took charge, but he almost NEVER asked for a favor.

Reaching into his desk drawer he pulled out his emergency stash of candy; it was pure lemon flavored sugar. He had no idea what Severus was up to. All he knew was that he had ten minutes to get into a sugar high.

Ten minutes to the second later, a soft knock came at the door.

"Ah Severus, please come in." Dumbledore said putting his spittoon on the floor under his desk. "Can I offer you some tea or a lemon drops?"

Dumbledore ominously watched as his potion professor took a seat before him.

Severus reached across the desk and took one of the offered lemon drops, knowing full well that the action was likely to give the older man a heart attack. The potion professor tried to feel some remorse for scaring the older man, but after all the times the Headmaster had gotten one over on him, he felt he was justified in his torment.

Rolling the sweet around on his tongue he asked smoothly, "How are things, Albus?"

"Fine," Albus creaked. "Was there something I can do for you? You mentioned a favor." He said recovering somewhat.

"Indeed." Snape said seriously. "I need information on Mr. Cain's parents."

Dumbledore looked puzzled. "Was there something in particular you wished to know Severus?"

"Their resting place." The potion teacher said flatly.

"I would imagine a graveyard, Severus." Dumbledore replied, perplexed.

"I should hope so, seeing how they are dead."

"One would wonder why you would ask me this. Perhaps Mr. Cain would be better suited to answer this query." Albus said patiently. It wouldn't do, he thought to himself, to give the wrong answer if, in fact, Severus had asked Harry.

"That is the favor." Snape said clinically. "I wish to escort Mr. Cain to his parents' gravesite."

The sugar rush came crashing down. Hard. Albus found himself blinking his twinkling eyes rapidly.

"Well." Albus said. That was unexpected. _I am sure you will immensely enjoy your time at __Godric's__ Hollow_, he thought cynically, _dancing on James's grave. _Instead the Headmaster simply said, "Is this not something we had best leave with the child's guardian?"

"I think that" Snape drawled out, "in taking responsibility for this, we will be sending a clear message to Mr. Cain."

We will do what the others have failed to, were the unspoken words that hung in the air. "Indeed", Dumbledore agreed. "I will arrange it." Thinking more on it, the Headmaster added, "I think that perhaps it would be best if it was I who escorted him."

Severus started to protest but Dumbledore waved him off, "I think it is time that Mr. Cain learns he can trust more than just you Severus. I shall handle the matter. Leave it to me."

"Albus, I must insist that I be the one to take him."

"And Severus, I must also insist that it be me. You see taking a student off school grounds is a sin that few would forgive a professor for doing, whereas it might be overlooked if it was done by the Headmaster."

"Very well, sir, I shall take my leave." Severus said conceding the point. Very few would raise an eyebrow to Albus Dumbledore escorting a student anywhere, where a former death eater taking a student to a cemetery certainly would.

"Severus, before you go, let me just say how pleased I am with your work with the young Mr. Cain. It is rather fortunate that he has you as a Head of House."

"A matter that would not need to be addressed if his former professors showed more interest in their students," Snape said darkly.

"Perhaps" Albus said softly, "perhaps."

Snape studied the old man's face for a moment before leaving. He had looked crestfallen. It made Severus wonder if perhaps the Headmaster had met Mr. Cain before coming to Hogwarts.

Harry stood anxiously outside the potions classroom. He knew he was more than a few minutes early, but he didn't want to be late. Snape had told him last night that if he was still so inclined to help brew the sleeping draught, he would be doing it today.

This morning after breakfast he had gone to the library to review the potion. He had wanted to review the ingredients, the brewing technique and the ideal color it was supposed to turn.

While reading the chapter in the book, Harry wanted to kick himself for not reviewing it when Snape had first said he could assist. If he had given himself more time, perhaps he could have memorized it. That would have impressed Snape.

Standing in front of the imposing Potion Lab Door he realized it was hopeless. How was he supposed to impress a potions master when for the past five years he sucked at potions? The man would instantly know he was a fraud.

_Why did he really want to impress Snape so much?_ He thought critically. Then he realized it wasn't that he wanted to impress the man as much as he simply wanted the man to think he was of value.

"Mr. Cain." Snape said from behind, "I see you are early."

"Yes, sir."

"Very well, follow me." Snape said as he opened the door.

Harry was surprised to see all the potion ingredients all ready in place on the work bench next to a clean cauldron.

"These need to be ground." Snape said with a smirk, handing Harry a bottle. Taking it from the man he saw they were Anise seeds.

"Yes sir," Harry said, feeling like he got the joke.

Moving the mortar and the pestle next to him he slowly poured the seeds in and got started.

"You are aware that competent brewing of this potion is one of the requirements to study Healing." Snape said evenly.

"I wasn't, sir." Harry replied honestly. He had never even looked into being a Healer.

"There are, of course, six other potions that are required as well."

"What are they, sir?" Harry asked.

"Burn paste, wound cleanser, fever reducer, pepper up, two analgesic potions, headache and one for severe pain. It has been said that brewing knowledge of the draught of living death is a silent requirement as well."

"Silent requirement, sir?" Harry questioned.

"While it is not on the test proper, it is at times a deciding factor on admission."

Harry nodded his head and realized life was all about the silent requirements. Looking at his professor he asked, "How do you know so much about becoming a Healer, sir? Did you want to become one yourself?"

If the question had not been asked so innocently, Severus was sure he would have taken offence.

"You are not the first, nor am I sure, the last student of mine that has wished to pursue the desire to become a Healer," Snape said.

_Duh_, Harry thought to himself.

"I must say, Mr. Cain that if this is something which you want to pursue then you will need to work on your potion skills. Perhaps repeated brewing of the dreamless sleep draught will help."

Harry immediately said, "Yes, sir." But inwardly he was thinking about what had just been said. Snape was the only person outside of his relatives who knew he wanted to be a Healer. In the silence that followed, Harry felt impelled to state "I will try harder."

"Who was your last potion instructor?"

Harry suddenly realized this was something he and the headmaster should have addressed.

"Professor Naught? I believe I remember I heard he was teaching at Durmstrang. No wonder you don't realize the difference between powdered and ground." Snape said sharply as he grabbed the pestle from Harry. "These need to be shredded. Finely."

Harry nodded his head and took the leaves.

"Not like that!" Snape yelled. He reached across the table and took Harry's knife. "Attempt to cut like this," he said showing the boy. Handing the knife back, he watched as Harry attempted to mimic the professor's motions.

"Better, but just," Snape drawled. "Perhaps a course in remedial potion procedures would be in order. Next week come to the lab an hour earlier. I will teach you the appropriate techniques."

Harry's eyes shot up. "You…you would do that?"

"I see no other way if you are to survive your entrance exam. If you make admirable progress in those sessions, I shall enlist Madam Pomfrey as well to aid in your studies."

"But, sir," Harry said still shocked.

"I understand that some might view our Mediwitch as a simple school Healer, but I assure you she is at the height of her profession. Do not assume that someone is unqualified based solely on their status or title. It is an error which many make," Snape said warningly.

"I understand, sir. She seems really smart to me. But I am not sure about becoming a Healer."

"You implied to me that it was something you wished to do."

"I know," Harry said, "I mean I did, it's just that…"

Snape cut him off, "Neil, it is your life. You need to pursue the career you want, do not let others' expectations or demands deter you from your choice. All too quickly you will be free from those that would want to hold you down."

Harry's immediate thoughts went to the fact that he was not a normal boy. So many things rested on the idea of him destroying Voldemort. In a way, Harry always felt that it wasn't his life he was living. But Snape's words and support…it made him feel so normal.

"If you truly do not want to be a Healer, don't be. I will endeavor to assist you with what ever career path you choose. But do not give up on it simply because you are afraid of your guardians."

"Yes, sir," Harry said. Hopefully, there wouldn't always be a war. Hopefully, Voldemort would be defeated and, if he was, Harry realized he could do whatever he wanted. No one would care if he was a Healer, right? Feeling more certain, he said to Snape, "I want to try."

Snape gave him a small smile and said, "Very well."

After that the brewing went more smoothly. Snape would show him the proper way to cut and dice. He explained patiently the ingredients that went into the potion and why they needed to be added when they did. Harry thought it was the best potion lesson he had ever received. He didn't even balk when his professor asked him to write an essay on the Dreamless Sleep Draught.

After Harry had helped Snape clean up the lab, which to Harry's surprise Snape helped; the potion professor awarded Harry five scales.

When Harry asked what they were for, Snape answered, "For your assistance, but mostly for your choices."

Harry couldn't help but smile up at the man.

"Take this tonight," Snape said bottling some of the potion.

"Thank you sir." Harry said taking the potion from him.

"Before you leave, there is one more thing that needs to be addressed.

"Yes, sir?" Harry asked suddenly worried.

"Your parents," Snape said softly, "Do you know where the graves are?"

Harry's eyes grew large as he looked at the stone floor. _I am an idiot_, he berated himself, he couldn't say Godric's Hollow. "I don't know." He whispered.

"It is of no matter," Snape said, "I have spoken with the Headmaster, he assures me he will find their place of rest and you will be allowed to visit."

Harry couldn't believe his ears. "He..He said I could visit them?"

"Yes, Mr. Cain. He has given me his word."

_Wow_, Harry thought. He wasn't even sure he wanted to picture that conversation. _One more thing for __Dumbledore__ to be angry with me about._

"Thank you, Professor Snape." Harry said after a few moments.

"It is no bother, Mr. Cain."

Harry left the lab and made his way to his dorm to put away the potion. Thankfully the room was empty. He couldn't get over his time with Snape. Like a record, his mind kept going over and over what had happened. Not only was Snape spending his time to make him some potion, he had offered to tutor him. Not because the headmaster had made him, or because it was vital in the war. But simply because Harry had told him he wanted to be a Healer.

He also got Dumbledore to agree to take him to the cemetery. How was he ever going to explain that he was visiting James and Lily Potter? Something was going on there, Harry thought. Snape didn't know where Neil's parents were, but Dumbledore did. Obviously he didn't tell Snape, so maybe it would never happen.

Thinking about it Harry realized he wasn't that disappointed about not seeing their graves. He was too in awe of the fact that Severus Snape had fought for his right to do so.

Harry didn't know what to make of this new side of Snape. He always imagined this is what having a parent was like. He loved Sirius, but it wasn't the same. Sirius was more like a cool older brother that wanted you to get in trouble. Snape expected things. He expected Harry to do his homework, eat his meals, study to be a Healer… if he wanted it. Snape cared.

_Oh Merlin, Sirius would kill me if he thought I was comparing him with Snape, _he thought. Sirius cared too, but it was different. Although to Sirius' credit, he was on the run.

_But Sirius never asked me what I wanted to do_. Harry thought darkly. _He just assumed I would be an Auror too_.

Deciding not to think about it any longer, Harry left the dorm in search of sunshine.

Once outside, Harry spotted Luna sitting under a tree near the lake. He decided to join her.

"_If only, If only the woodpecker sighs, the bark on the tree was as soft as the sky's,"_ Luna sang softly_. "As the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, he cries to the moon, if only, if only." _

"That's pretty," Harry said when she finished. "Where did you learn it?"

"From Mr. Boardman. It was on his album, 'A Shade Full of Holes'." She said airily to her confused looking friend. "You smell like Anise, Anise."

"If I tell you something, Luna, you promise never to tell anyone."

Luna rolled her silvery eyes and nodded her head. "Whoa," she giggled, "Just made myself dizzy."

"I helped him with a potion today."

"That's the secret?" Luna said with wide eyes.

"No," Harry said, shaking his head, "It's just that I liked it. It's nice. He…I...I don't know how to explain it. It's like I found something I forgot. He worries about me like I always thought a…parent would."

"I don't think they will mind. Matter of fact, I think they would be happy you have someone."

"….The dog, I am sure, would be spinning right now." Harry said miserably.

"No, he wouldn't," Luna said seriously. "There are so many things in life, Anise, that are just stupid. I think in the next plane, those things just fall away."

"I miss him."

Luna turned to face him. "I know," She said sadly. "I remember what it was like before my mom died. My dad was different then. Now he is like a ghost. Sometimes I wonder how things would have been if she didn't go. But you can't go back, Anise, none of us can. You just have to move forward and hope for the best."

"It doesn't seem fair," Harry said, leaning back on the tree. "All my life I wanted someone like this. And as soon as he finds out it's me, he'll hate me."

"Anise!" Luna yelled, pulling Harry to face her. "When are you going to get it? You are Neil. You are yourself. HE never saw it before. He never gave you a chance. As long as you don't lie to him, then in the end you will have a clean conscience. Stop being a nargle, for Merlin's sake. What will happen will happen."

"But I _am_ lying to him." Harry countered

"No, you're not," Luna said frustrated.

"I can't tell him who I am, Luna." Harry exclaimed.

"You can't tell him your name, you mean."

"I…"

"Look, Anise, have you ever told Ron or Hermione what it was really like with your relatives."

"No," Harry whispered.

"So you lied to them, do you think they are going to hate you forever because of it?" Luna asked.

"I hope not," Harry said truthfully.

"Have you told Snape you are some prince from Kalamazoo?" She asked seriously.

"No," Harry answered quickly, "of course not."

"So then right now, is it possible that Snape knows more about the real you than your best friends?"

When he didn't respond she continued, her silvery eyes piercing deep.

"You know what they say, be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. And since you did, I say enjoy the ride. Try to focus on the real problems."

"I thought this was the real problem," Harry grumbled.

"Oh brother," Luna sighed and leaned back onto the tree. Taking a deep breath she started to sing again, "If_ only, If only the woodpecker sighs, the bark on the tree was as soft as the sky's…"_

Harry leaned back against the tree and decided to get lost in the song.

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A/N – Thanks again for all the great reviews. Luna's song is from "Holes", a great book, and cute movie.

On a different note….(punny) For Luna lovers out there, I wrote a fic for the master and wolf a few years back under the name Em Conway. It is SS/RL paring, in which Luna is the main character…its odd I know. It is called "Through her eyes." You can find it on my page.

Hope you enjoyed!


	12. Tranquilize

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A/N --Special Thanks to Graenr (an amazing Beta!) Also, I recommend listening to the song "Tranquilize" by The Killers while reading this chapter. If you don't own it, you can find it on you tube pretty easy. (sorry, it wont let me post the link). 

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In the lifeless book of hope

Where a dream might help you cope

With the bushes and the bombs are tranquilized" The Killers

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"Lay down please," Snape said, as he stood over the boy's bed.

Harry was confused. He looked up at Snape and saw that his teacher was smiling at him. Gently he laid himself down. Looking around he saw the white walls of the infirmary.

"Madam Pomfrey is too busy to help, so I will have to do this alone. I assure you I am qualified. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Harry said weakly.

"I only want to help." Snape said tenderly, touching Harry's cheek.

"What's going on, professor?"

"Don't worry; it won't take any time at all, as long as you lay still."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, as a thousand thoughts ran through his mind. Why was he in the hospital wing? He didn't hurt anywhere. He watched as the potion master tuned away. There was a clink of metal. When Snape turned back to face Harry he was holding a small metal tray. When Snape set it down on the bedside table Harry stared at it, it looked like a muggle surgical tray.

Harry's eyes went wide when he saw his professor pick up a scalpel and approach the bed. "Wha..What are you going to do with that?"

"I am going to removing your freakishness, Harry."

"But…" Harry said, his breath becoming rapid.

"We shall have to start with the obvious," Snape said clinically.

"Shall I assist you, sir?" Hermione asked, coming to stand behind the potions professor. "My parents are, after all, dentists."

"Very well, Miss Granger, if you would hold his hair back."

"What are you doing?" Harry demanded again.

"Why, Harry, we are going to remove your scar."

**_---Tuesday---_**

They were sitting under the tree. Luna was reading a herbology book by someone named Jung while Harry was watching the currents in the lake. Briefly, he wondered what it would be like to go sailing.

"Luna, can you get into someone else's dream?" Harry asked quietly.

"I think I have found my way into Neville's if that's what you mean," she answered, without looking up.

"Not quite." Harry replied.

"Why aren't you hanging around the Slytherins?" she asked flatly.

"Why aren't you with Neville?" Harry asked in return.

"Hmmm" she replied.

"Hmmm" he echoed.

He could hear Hermione retching in the corner. She had said she had never seen anything so hideous before. Snape was rubbing small circles on her back, telling her it would be all right. Saying she would feel better once she rested. Hermione seemed to agree and left the Hospital wing without a second glance at Harry.

"Professor, sir, please let me up." Harry pleaded pulling on his restraints.

"Harry, it's your own fault you had to be tied down. I asked you nicely not to move," Snape said sternly, as he approached the bed.

"It hurts," Harry cried through ribbons of blood that seeped down from his forehead. "Please stop," he pleaded.

"I am afraid I cannot do that," Snape replied sadly. "There is so much more we need to remove."

"I'll say," Ron said, stepping up to the bed. "What do you say, professor, hair next?"

"Indeed."

"No, please…Ron, don't let him do this…"

**_---Wednesday---_**

Harry was lying on the grass under their tree. Without touching her, he could feel Luna next to him.

"Luna," he said, wanting to be sure. When he heard her 'hmm,' he continued, "It's nice out here."

"I wouldn't know about that," she said with a faint giggle.

If he concentrated enough, he was sure he could smell the smoke coming from Hagrid's fire. Listening closely, he could hear the birds chirp. If he lay still, he could feel his heart beat.

Suddenly feeling restless, he sat up.

"Sometimes I think I am losing my mind," he murmured.

"We all are, Anise," she replied honestly, "The real question is, are you going to do it with style?"

He turned to face her, his green eyes looking into her grey. Harry thought it odd that he could see through Luna. Then again, the sun was bright and her hair really had no color to it. Briefly he wished they were in the same year, so they could share classes. He was happy, however, that they had the same free periods.

"They are starting to consume you," she sang softly.

"I know," Harry said weakly, but his mind was still trapped in the dreams.

The mirror in the boy's dorm tried to show him his reflection. But he didn't recognize any of it. He tried to brush his teeth, but irrationally he feared that they would all fall out if he placed the brush to them. His forehead tingled. Not where the cursed scar had been, but where Snape had extracted it. He was sure if he looked closely enough he would see the faint tracings of the scalpel.

A knock at the door called loudly. Harry felt his heart race so fast he thought it would stop. He needed to go outside, but instead he was forced to climb into bed and respect the curfew.

"I suppose his magic next," Snape said casually. "What do you think, Albus?"

"Astute observation, it will be much easier that way," Dumbledore agreed.

"Please, sir, I don't want to lose my magic," Harry pleaded, as he pulled upon the chains tethering him to the bed.

"And I didn't want to lose Cedric and Sirius," the Headmaster countered severely, "I didn't want to lose your parents for that matter. Indeed life would have been much better if only he had chosen Neville."

"Albus," Snape interrupted, "I will need to cut open up his chest. Once I am holding it open, do you think you could remove the core?"

"Of course, my dear boy," the headmaster smirked, with his eyes twinkling, "of course."

**_ ---Thursday---_**

"The dreams have been bad, Anise," Luna whispered through the grass. They were lying by the lake. Harry could feel the cool breeze coming off the water. The sun was warming his skin. He knew in a few hours time, he would be frozen. He wanted nothing more than to bottle this warm feeling and keep it with him always. He never wanted to go indoors again.

"They've been horrible." Harry wasn't sure he even recognized his own voice anymore.

"When do you take the potion again?"

"What day is it?" Harry asked honestly needing to know. He felt it had been years since he last slept without dreaming.

"Thursday," She answered directly.

Luna could hear Harry sigh, "Tonight, I get to take it tonight."

"It won't make them go away."

"I know," Harry agreed sadly.

"He won't hurt you," Luna said sympathetically.

"I know, but that's what makes them so bad," he choked out. After several silent moments in which Harry felt he regained control of his eyes, he whispered, "You are in them too."

"Am I?" she asked lazily.

"You fill me up with seeds and plants." Harry felt odd saying that, not because that is what she did in the dream, but because it was the first time he had spoken about anything specific in the dream.

"Really," she sounded intrigued, "what kind?"

"I don't remember," he said feeling a tear escape, "but they are important."

"I bet there are radishes," she said wistfully, "I like radishes."

"They're friendly," he said, but it felt like a echo, and in it's wake echo he remembered…

"Luna, what are you doing?"

"Keeping you all together, see," she said, holding up the blood-filled cauldron.

Harry tried to suppress a sob as he looked at the mess. Hair and blood filled the cauldron. A magical artery was still spewing blood. He could see a piece of skin that bore a lightning bolt scar near the top. He almost wished Snape had removed his eyes as well, at least then he wouldn't be able to cry.

"Don't cry, Harry Anise Neil James Cain Potter," Luna sang sweetly to him.

"I'm going to die," he whimpered.

"No you're not silly," she admonished gently, "you are the-boy-who- lives."

"But how can I live like this?" He despaired pointing to his open empty chest.

"You just need to be repacked," Luna said sweetly. She dropped the cauldron on the floor. It made a deep splooshing sound. Harry saw his hair fall out onto the floor. He thought he might be sick, but he didn't have a stomach anymore.

"Here," she said, showing him a gardening crate, "Look here." Once he saw the crate, she lowered it next to him on the bed. "We'll start with Anise of course, that's for the dreams." Carelessly she sprinkled them into his empty chest. Once she was finished she reached for some flowers and leaves. "Lavender and Mullein, Rosemary and Rue," she said sternly, all the while smiling brightly, "And of course some radishes, they're friendly you know." She placed them next to the others in his empty chest. Solemnly, he watched as she removed the last item from the crate. "But most importantly, Harry, Thyme. You need lots and lots of Thyme."

Harry looked down at her handiwork and saw there were still many voids.

"Don't worry. We'll bind it all with Ash." A fine gray soot was gently sprinkled in. Some of it wafted up into the air near his head and he found himself sneezing.

"Bless you," Luna said, looking him deep in the eyes.

"Thank you," Harry said painfully. He knew it was the best she could do.

"There now," she said tilting her head just a little, "don't you feel better?"

Harry wanted to with what was left of his heart. But he couldn't. He couldn't even try.

**_---Thursday Evening---_**

"Mr. Cain, if you would please follow me," Snape said sternly.

Harry sat frozen to the chair. It was a dream, he told himself, only a dream. Maybe if he thought of something nice it would all go away.

"Mr. Cain," Snape called again. And as in his dreams, he felt he had to obey the command. Against his wishes, his body stood up, his legs independently led him towards the man that would cut him to pieces.

Harry's feet were surprised to suddenly stop. Looking up, he saw he was in the potion professor's office.

"Mr. Cain, are you feeling alright."

"Yes, sir," Harry forced his voice to say. Instinctively, he moved to push up the glasses that normally sat on his nose. Then sighed when he realized he didn't wear glasses anymore.

"Have your nightmares been plaguing you?"

To that, Harry nodded.

Snape didn't seem to need more information for which Harry was thankful. He watched as his professor went to the desk and removed a vial.

"Here is your Dreamless Sleep, Mr. Cain, from the batch you helped brew yourself," Snape said as he handed the potion to Harry.

But Harry's hands were too numb from the fear to grasp his reprieve from the dreams. He felt the slick vial brush past his fingers as it slid down to shatter on the floor.

_'You don't deserve it',_ he heard the Headmaster in his head sneer, '_You__ don't deserve anything.'_

"Sorry. I'm sorry," Harry sobbed, as he bent down. Carelessly he began picking up the shards of glass. Quickly blood began to enter the mix. But Harry paid no heed, he felt no pain, after all, there was always blood.

"Mr. Cain," Snape hissed, as he saw the boy recklessly grab at thick shards of glass. Swooping down he grabbed the boy's hand to prevent it from finding further injury.

"No...Please!" Harry gasped, flinching away from the touch, "Don't hurt me."

Severus took a step back, and brandishing his wand he quickly spelled the mess away. He knew he needed to handle this situation carefully, or else the child in front of him would unravel.

"Neil," he said softly yet firmly, "Neil, look at me."

Harry sat back on his heels and tried to draw a stabilizing breath. He was losing it. Timidly, he looked up, but couldn't find the courage to look any further than the professor's chest.

"Neil, look at me," Severus wanted to tell the boy to look him in the eye, but instantly decided against it. To do so might trigger the boy's fear of Legilimency.

Reluctantly, Harry obeyed and raised his eyes up to meet his professor's dark eyes.

"Neil," Snape soothed, "I would never hurt you. Do you understand?"

Guilt suddenly flooded Harry. Of course, Snape wouldn't hurt him. Not like that. It just went to show how much of a freak he was, thinking that Snape was capable of such things. Hopelessly, Harry looked away and rubbed his eyes with his hands. Instead of wiping away the tears, blood was smeared over his face. The smell caused his stomach to roil.

"Neil. I need you to understand that I am not going to hurt you."

Harry couldn't hear the older man's words through the sound of heartbeats in his ears. But he sensed that something was expected of him. He nodded his head, silently agreeing.

"Good. Now let's move you to the sofa and get you cleaned up," Snape said, slowly rising.

Harry saw his professor stand up and hover over him. Instinctively, he stood up as well. Without thinking he followed the man out the office door and into the professor's private chambers.

Snape motioned for Harry to take a seat on the sofa. An action he had to repeat twice before his young charge picked up on it. Quickly he summoned several things before taking a cautious seat next to the boy.

"First things first, Mr. Cain, if you would please drink this. It's a simple calming draught." Snape said holding out the vial. No sooner had he held out the vial than he changed his mind. The student before him was still trembling, and Severus did not want a repeat of the earlier performance. Instead, he slowly brought the vial to the boy's lips.

Harry hesitantly sipped the potion. A warm sensation filled his stomach and started to radiate out through his body. Some of the fog and confusion lifted from his mind. Nervously he looked down at his hands, they were so bloody.

"Let me see your hands," Snape requested. Apprehensively, Harry held them up for inspection. Snape looked at the minor wounds that littered the hands. If they had been anywhere else, Severus would have healed them himself, but hands were tricky things.

"Mr. Cain, are you feeling calmer now?"

Harry nodded his head.

"I would appreciate a verbal answer, if you would."

"Yes, sir," was the meek reply. Truth be told, Harry was feeling so very drowsy. His eyes felt like they were made out of lead.

"Very well then, I think we need to go to the infirmary and have Madam Pomfrey heal them," Severus said.

Harry sucked in his breath and went rigid.

Snape noticed the change in the student and beckoned him to come to the fireplace. Harry, however, nervously backed up. His legs hit the sofa and he fell. Snape made a motion to assist him but it only served to increase the boy's distress. Crying, Harry tried to crawl under the coffee table.

"Mr. Cain, stop this at once," Severus said forcefully, hoping to break through the growing hysteria. In response, Harry cried harder and pleaded that he would be good. Not knowing what else to do, Snape spelled the child to sleep. Gently he reached down and pulled the child from his hiding spot. Gathering the student in his arms, he flooed them to the Hospital wing.

"What happened, Severus?" Pomfrey inquired sternly, "My word, is that blood?"

"He cut his hands picking up glass," Severus said, as he carried the child over to one of the beds.

"Did he cut his face as well?"

"No," Snape said, laying the boy down, "He merely rubbed it on. I had to spell him to sleep to get him here.

Poppy stood over the sleeping child, waving her wand and tsked. "Why did you spell him?"

"He was hysterical," Snape stated.

"Then why didn't you administer…"

However, Snape cut her off. "He became hysterical _after_ I administered the calming draught."

Suddenly the floo came to life. Out of the green flames, Filius Flitwick emerged with a student dangling behind him.

"Professor Flitwick, what is the matter?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

"It's Miss Lovegood. She appears to have fainted in the common room and hit her head. I can't seem to wake her."

"What a night!" Pomfrey exclaimed. "Put her on the bed over there," she ordered the charms professor before turning to back to Severus. "Can you heal his hands? They are superficial, a simple wound closing spell or potion should work."

Snape gave a curt nod and returned to the boy's bed. He decided to use the spell since it would be faster, and given the boy's history with nightmares he wasn't sure how much more time he had.

Harry woke up with a gasp. Looking around fearfully, he realized he was in the hospital wing. Snape was holding his wrist down hard. When he tried to pull at it, Snape hissed, "Keep still, Mr. Cain, I am almost done."

"What are you doing?" Harry cried out, still tugging at his wrist.

"I am trying to heal the cuts on your hand. Madam Pomfrey is busy with another student, but I assure you, I have done this before."

Harry wondered what was wrong with the other student to cause them to scream like that. Then he realized, as Snape stood over him brandishing a wand, that it was his own voice he was hearing.

* * *

Thank you for all the reviews, I hope you enjoyed! 


	13. Nothing left to say pt1

"Why do you lie, when I know you hurt inside?

And why did you say, 'It's just another day, nothing in my way,

I don't want to go, I don't want to stay'

So there is nothing left to say," Keane

Severus charmed his student once more to sleep. In the next breath, he summoned a vial of dreamless sleep. Once in his hand, he spelled the contents of the vial directly into the child's stomach. A second later found him cancelling the sleeping charm he had placed on the boy. Emotionally drained, Severus then allowed himself to collapse into a nearby chair.

"How is he doing?" Poppy asked an hour later.

"Asleep. I spelled the potion to his stomach. With any luck, he will be dream free for the next twelve hours."

"What happened, Severus?"

"His nightmares…night terrors, appear to have become more severe. He came into the office to receive the potion tonight and was shaking so badly he dropped it. After he cut himself and I told him we would need to come here for treatment, he went hysterical. One would think I was taking him to the Dark Lord for slaughter. When he woke up and saw where he was, he started screaming like a banshee."

"Perhaps it would be best if we moved him before he awakens," Pomfrey said tentatively, "If the Hospital wing brought on such distress…"

"I see your point," Severus conceded.

"We should also dose him again. Sleep deprivation due to the terrors could have caused his break.

"I agree," Snape replied. Taking a deep breath he then asked, "How is Lovegood?"

"Magically depleted," Poppy said, exasperated.

Snape's eyebrows shot up, "What is the cause?"

"I am not sure. She has not been cursed as far as I can see; there were no potions in her system. She is not sick. Filius does not believe she has been under any stress; nothing is going on with her friends or family as far as he can determine. Some of the other professors say she tends to zone out after lunch. When I scanned her, the only thing I found was that her Melatonin levels were low. Nevertheless, her dorm mates insist she sleeps at night."

"And how would they know, if they themselves are sleeping?"

"That's the other thing Severus, Lately they say she's been snoring. I have checked her for sleep apnea, but she doesn't seem to be suffering from that either."

"Have you contacted the girl's father?"

"We have been having trouble reaching him. Appears he is 'in the field' researching something called a Baku," Poppy said rather distastefully, "Don't look at me like that, Severus, I have no idea what it is either."

"Her father is hunting the Baku?" Dumbledore inquired with a small smile. Severus noted his eyes were in full twinkle mode.

"What prey tell, Albus, is a Baku?" Snape sneered.

"I have no idea," The Headmaster said sweetly, but Severus wasn't buying it.

"How is young Mr. Cain?"

"Asleep for now," Poppy nodded to the bed, "We have decided to give him back to back doses of dreamless sleep."

"We?" Albus asked.

"WE." Severus answered, "The boy has been suffering from night terrors. WE think that last night's trip into hysteria was largely due to sleep deprivation. Therefore, WE have decided to make him sleep it off. He should be awake Saturday morning."

"I did not mean to judge your actions, Severus. I am glad, as always, that you take such a special interest in your charges' lives."

Snape grunted his obvious disbelief in that statement. "Furthermore, Albus, it has been agreed that we will be moving him to the room." Severus could not help but notice the Headmaster's wince when he mentioned the room. It almost made him feel guilty about his earlier rage. Almost.

"If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know," Albus offered sincerely.

"Indeed there is." Snape said solemnly. "I think that in light of recent events, taking the boy to visit his parents should be done sooner than later."

"Is that wise Severus, so soon after a break like he had last night?"

"I suspect it may have had something to do with it."

"Very well," Albus agreed resignedly, "As soon as he is well I will arrange for it."

Deep in thought, Albus left the Hospital wing in search of his office. Once there, he immediately took a seat behind his desk and opened his third drawer. Ignoring the song that Fawkes was singing, he pulled out a sugar cane.

He only resorted to pure sugar in times of complete unrest. With a slight tremor to his hand, he peeled open the lemon flavored sugar cane and brought it to his mouth.

It was his fault. Of that he was sure. Harry Potter, his Harry, was going to have to use that dreaded room. Every year there were one or two Slytherin students that required use of the room. And with each use it broke the headmaster's heart.

Briefly, Albus wondered if Harry would have needed the room if he was back in Gryffindor this year. But then, he chided himself, there was the possibility that he would have had the need and no one would have ever known.

In recent years, Theodore Nott had used it the most. Severus had candidly called it self-mutilation. The idea was something that Albus, for all his years on earth, could not comprehend.

With guilty appreciation, he was thankful for Tobias Snape. Without his offensive and repugnant treatment of Severus, boys like Nott would have fallen though the gaping holes in Hogwarts' foundations.

Picking up the sugar cane once more, he prayed that Severus could work his magic once again.

"I see you are finally awake," Snape said.

Harry sat up and looked around, "Where am I?"

"In my spare bedroom."

When the boy looked up, Severus could decipher several emotions flash across his expressive eyes. First was confusion, then horror followed by embarrassment. On the last emotion, the boy looked down. Severus shook his head, the child was so easy to read. For some strange reason, he was reminded of Lily.

Merlin, I haven't thought of her for a long time, he reflected, before bringing himself back to the present.

"It has been far too long since your last meal. Your school robes are there on the dresser. Once you have changed, we will have breakfast."

Harry quickly changed once the professor left the room. Once done, he went over to the bed and started to make it. Snape's spare room, he had spent the night in Snape's spare bedroom. Harry tried to remember what had caused such a turn of events, but his memory was fuzzy at best. He remembered dropping the sleeping potion and waking up in the infirmary. But that didn't make sense, why would he wake up there if he had dropped the potion? No, Harry decided, that was just part of the nightmare.

A knock sounded at the door, "Mr. Cain, if you are ready."

Dutifully Harry opened the door and followed Snape down the hall to the small dining room. The smell of bacon and eggs invaded his senses as soon as he entered the room. Harry suddenly felt dizzy with hunger. Following the professor's cue, he took a seat and began to dig in.

"Sir," Harry asked, after sating some of his hunger, "Why am I here?"

"You seemed to have a rather negative response to the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey and myself thought it best if you were moved here."

"Oh," Harry said. Guess that wasn't a dream, he thought. "Sorry to be a bother, sir."

"It is no bother," Snape replied quickly, "You are not the first to use that room. As a matter of fact, you will be spending the weekend there."

"Why?"

"We had to give you back to back doses of dreamless sleep. The next two nights, I want to monitor you to ensure that you get a decent night's sleep."

"Back to back doses?" Harry questioned, "What day is it?"

"Saturday morning," Snape stated, as he pushed his plate away.

Saturday morning….that meant, Harry realized, he had missed all of Friday.

"Neil, can you tell me what happened last week?"

"I…nothing."

"Please," Snape sighed, "Don't lie to me in such a fashion."

"It was nothing really, just the nightmares again," Harry said. But as Snape kept looking at him, he felt forced to continue, "And …well, it's like I kept having them when I was awake."

"Do these dreams have something to do with the hospital wing?"

The boy didn't answer but his face suddenly went pale.

"Can you tell me about the dreams?" Snape prodded.

"No," Harry said quickly.

"What is keeping you from telling me, Neil?"

"I can't," Harry replied distressed.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about," Snape said simply "Am I in these as well?" he paused, however the child was silent. "Ah, so I am. Would you like to talk to someone else? Madam Pomfrey would be more than happy to help you."

Harry felt so torn. He wanted to run out of the dungeons, but at the same time he wanted to stay, tell Snape everything and …and what? He thought cynically, have the man give me a hug and make everything all right?

"I think," Snape, said cautiously, "you are afraid to let people in, to allow them to help you."

For some reason, those insightful words angered Harry. "You don't understand," he yelled outraged, "You would hate me if you knew me."

"I don't think that is possible, Mr. Cain. I have seen nothing so far that would illicit such an emotional response."

"That's the point, you haven't seen anything yet. You don't know me!" Harry exclaimed defiantly.

"Mr. Cain, there are very few people I actually hate. And none are under the age of thirty," Snape countered.

"Harry Potter," Harry saidsullenly.

"What was that?" Snape asked, not hearing.

"You hate Harry Potter," Harry said boldly, "Everyone knows you do."

Snape laughed, "A year without Potter and I am still confronted with him. If you repeat this, Mr. Cain, I will deny it and you will spend every evening in detention. I do not hate Harry Bloody Potter. I am annoyed to death by the boy, he galls me to no end, running amok trying to save the world regardless that he has homework left to do. Would it ease your mind to know that there have been instances where I have endeavored to save his life?"

Harry reluctantly had to give him that, he had saved his life or attempted to year after year.

"Mr. Cain, we need to address these dreams," Snape said, bringing him back from his reverie.

"I…I don't remember them."

"Stop with lies, I will be forced to take demerits." Snape said sternly. When the boy made no move to respond, he sighed, "Very well, follow me."

Harry followed Snape out of the dinning room and into the living room. Harry hadn't seen it in daytime and was surprised by the size. The bookshelves that lined the walls looked imposing. In the far corner was a desk. Snape pointed at it and told Harry, "Sit."

Snape summoned some parchment and chalk. "Draw."

"What?" Harry said, confused.

"Draw the dream."

"But I told you, I don't remember."

"Demerit Mr. Cain. I told you not to lie," Snape said, as he took a seat in the armchair. "If you cannot remember anything specific about the dream, then attempt to capture the mood."

"But I can't draw."

"This is not an exercise in talent. I suggest you start, or you will be there all weekend," Snape replied flatly.

Harry angrily looked down at the parchment. He felt like he was two, being stuck in the corner for doing something bad.

"I don't hear anything," Snape commented lazily.

Sighing loudly, Harry picked up a piece of black chalk and decided, rebelliously, to draw the bloody potion master.

As Harry began to draw, he started to relax. There was something soothing about the sound the chalk was making, something about getting lost in the colors. Idly he moved from drawing Snape, to drawing the bed and the others. Occasionally he would move his head back and examine his work. He knew his drawing abilities were horrible, but in a way, the picture was perfect. His hand moved next to the black of Snape's robes and he saw the color bleed out of the lines he had drawn. Stirred by the effect, he began to smear in other places as well.

Lastly, Harry began to draw himself, but somehow he could not seem to muster the same details he had drawn in the others. After all, he thought, how could you draw a void? Looking at the picture, the chalk version of Harry resembled a stick figure with an empty circle where his torso should have been. Picking up the red chalk, he started to smear red all over.

Lost in thought, he didn't hear Snape approach.

"Who is this?" Snape asked quietly, pointing at the ethereal girl holding a box.

"Luna."

"What are those things around her?"

"I don't know." Harry replied honestly, "In the dream, she kind of sparkles like she is invisible and clear at the same time, it's hard to explain. She is different from the others."

"I see," Snape said softly. "The headmaster, I take it?" Snape continued, pointing at the man wearing purple robes with gold stars. Harry nodded his head meekly. "Who are these two here?"

"My friends…from last year."

"What is that I am holding, a wand?" Snape whispered

"No," Harry said, tensing up, suddenly embarrassed that Snape recognized himself.

"Tell me," Snape requested softly. When no answer came, Snape knelt down by the boy so that he was looking up into the student's eyes. "Don't close up on me, Neil" He requested gently

Those tenderwords cut through Harry's resolve. "A scalpel," he whispered.

"What was it used for?"

"To remove things from me," Harry answered trance-like, staring at the picture before him.

"That sounds frightful. What was removed?"

"My freakishness," Harry said, looking away.

"Do you think you are a freak, Neil?"

"I'm bad," Harry whispered, so low that Severus wasn't sure he even heard it.

"Is that what you think this dream means?"

"Yes," Harryhissed through clenched teeth.

"I don't think so," Severus said with conviction, "Look at me." When the boy did not move his head, Snape gently took Neil's head in his hands brought his face up until their gazes met. "I do not think you are a freak. I do not think you are bad. I think you have a good heart."

Tears slipped out of Harry's eyes as he turned away from Snape again. "But you don't know me," Harry said defensively

"What do you think is the big secret, Neil? That your guardians beat you? Unfortunately, I have seen worse. What they did is no reflection on you. I dare say you never did anything bad enough to warrant those burns on your back."

Harry didn't say anything to that, there was really nothing left to say.

"It's almost time for lunch. Clean up here and you may leave to join your friends in the great hall. After lunch, I will be meeting with the first years. Meet me in the potions classroom at three. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said, as he started to put the chalks back in the box. "What should I do with this?" Harry asked, holding up the picture."

"You may leave it there," Snape replied. "Thank you for explaining it to me."

As soon as Harry left, Snape summoned the picture to take a better look at it. He understood many of the depictions, even if the boy did not realize what he was giving away. The empty chest, the heart torn out and cast onto the floor…he even understood the use of the infirmary as the setting. Snape had, after all, encouraged the boy to pursue becoming a Healer. The professor understood the idea that he himself was cast as villain, cutting away the bad, although that idea was skewed from the waking world. He was trying to remove the guilt of being abused, trying to free the chains of expectations.

The only thing Snape couldn't understand however, the only thing that was outside of his grasp was why the boy had drawn himself with green eyes.

_______________Then again_, Severus thought sipping on his tea_____________, __green is a healing color._

_______________sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss _

_____________A/N- A special thanks to my wonderful beta Graenr, who worked her magic again banishing evil comma splices to Azkaban._

_____________And Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I hope you enjoy!_


	14. Nothing left to say pt 2

"Then why did you lie?

When you want to die, when you hurt inside

Don't know what you lie for anyway.

Now there's nothing left to say." -keane

SSS

"Oh look, it's the ghost of Slytherin." Draco muttered as Harry took a seat across from him. Dumbly Harry looked behind him.

"Ah…he is talking about you Neil." Theo explained.

"Oh." Harry swallowed. "Sorry, been rather… uh… caught up with stuff."

"Right," Blaise alleged rolling his eyes.

"Oh knock it off you guys." Theo admonished them. "It's not like you haven't had to spend some 'quality time' in the room."

"Yeah, but you never heard me scream three rooms away." Draco challenged.

"You could hear me three rooms away." Harry said horrified.

Harry could tell Draco had another insult ready on his lips, but something made him stop. Instead, his expression softened a degree and he said softly, "Not really. I made you a copy of notes from classes on Friday. Won't be too hard to make up the work. We didn't do much."

Harry believed him. Thanks to Draco's amazing revisions and study guides, they were already at least two days ahead of any given class.

"Have you ever thought about becoming a professor Draco?" Harry asked suddenly.

Draco sneered and gave the stock answer, "Malfoy's don't work."

"I didn't mean…Well, if you had to, you know?" Harry tried to cover.

The blond rolled his eyes, "I would become a Barrister."

Harry couldn't help but notice how his voice sounded wishful. Lunch appeared and saved the group from anymore-uncomfortable conversation. Once again, Harry found himself ravishing.

As Harry finished his last spoonful of pudding Nott turned to him and asked, "So how long are you free for?"

"I have to go back at three." Harry said solemnly. He had not thought about what would happen at three.

"Well, that leaves us with just about two and a half hours. What do you want to do?" Blaise asked.

"How about crooks hunting?" Draco offered while the other boys groaned.

"We did that yesterday." Theo lamented.

"And the day before." Blaise added.

"And the day before that." Theo continued.

"And the…" Blaise tried but Draco cut him off. "Okay I get it."

"What is crooks hunting?" Harry questioned feeling confused.

"Later." Theo replied bluntly.

"Well, I have to talk to…" Harry paused, he wasn't sure how the Slytherins were going to handle Luna.

"To who?" Draco asked, "Lovegood? She's in the hospital wing."

"What? Why?" Harry asked.

"I heard she fainted and hit her head. Supposedly she is still out of it." Blaise said with a shrug.

"I got to go visit her." Harry said standing up. However, Nott quickly grabbed his robes and pulled him back down.

"When are you going to learn." He sighed exasperated.

"A Slytherin does not go into the Hospital wing to visit a non house member." Draco said under his breath.

"I don't care. She's my friend."

"So are we." Theo said with a stunning conviction.

"Oh Merlin!" Draco cried out grabbing his stomach. "I think my lunch was tainted."

"Probably the Gryffindorks." Blaise spat.

"Ughhhh I think I am going to be sick." Draco moaned loudly.

"We best get you to the Hospital wing Draco." Theo said calmly, looking straight at Harry. "And we better go with you, in case those prats try something else."

"Well don't just stand there, help me up." Draco commanded under his breath.

And Harry did, all the way to the Hospital wing.

SSS

Severus had followed the headmaster to his office immediately after lunch. No sooner had the door closed he began. "Albus, we have matters that need to be addressed."

"Indeed we do Severus." The Headmaster agreed, "How is young Mr. Cain?"

"Recovering for now, I will keep him in the room for the next few days to insure the boy is sleeping adequately."

Albus nodded his head, "He looked remarkably better at lunch Severus. You and Poppy are to be commended."

"We are not out of the woods yet." Severus said severely.

"I am sure it will work itself out, especially with you two on the case. Now was there something else you wished to discuss?"

"Potter." Snape sneered.

"Harry?" Albus said surprised. "What is it about Harry that you wanted to discuss?"

"The Dark Lord will be calling me soon Albus; he will want to know where he is."

"We cannot tell Tom where the boy is Severus."

_Really?_ Snape thought cynically. "I am aware of that Albus, but he will want to know something."

"Can you simply tell him you do not know?" Albus casually asked.

"Do you want me to die a slow painful death?" Snape countered quickly.

"You know I do not." Albus said harshly, and Snape reminded himself that the Headmaster did not do macabre humor.

After a few strained moments, the Headmaster looked at the professor and said wistfully, "Perhaps we should tell him the truth."

_Because that worked so well the first time, _Severus thought darkly. Severus did not intend to tell the Dark Lord the truth, but wanting to know it for himself asked, "And what would that be?"

"Harry is staying with my son." Albus whispered sincerely.

Snape's eyebrow shot up as he mocked, "Indeed."

"You don't believe me." Albus scoffed.

"Why do you lie to me? I know you don't have a son Albus, you don't have any children."

"Don't I?" Albus smirked and in that moment, Severus wanted to pluck out each and every damn star that was shinning in the Headmasters eyes.

Severus huffed, he hated playing the fool, "Fine. I have things to do Headmaster, and I feel I have wasted enough time here."

"Oh," Albus sounded disappointed, "What do you have to do today."

"In case you have already forgotten, I have a student that is requiring use of the room; additionally I need to meet the first years."

"Ah, the first years meeting." Albus said nodding his head, "What exactly do you do in those meetings?"

"I pass out sweets and tell them all about my imaginary children." Snape answered bitterly.

Albus completely ignored the barb, choosing to add his own, "Oh…do you need some more candy, I have plenty to spare for a good cause."

_That was it_. "Good day _**Headmaster**_." A swirl of black robes later found Albus quite alone, with all of his candy.

SSS

As the boys walked to the infirmary, Harry thought his heart might jump out of his chest. He wanted to turn and run in the opposite direction the closer they got. It didn't help that Draco had to moan as if he was in severe pain. Nevertheless, he had to make sure Luna was all right.

As soon as Harry entered the infirmary, he let go of Draco and began to look for Luna. It didn't take long. She was the only one there.

From across the room, he saw her still body, she looked like the next victim for slaughter. Trepadatiously, Harry approached her bed, and in doing so, he relaxed slightly. She looked so peaceful and calm, breathing shallowly. For a moment, he was afraid his presence would wake her. She reminded him of sleeping beauty.

"Mr. Cain what are you doing?" Madam Pomfrey demanded.

"Is she going to be okay?" Harry asked concerned.

"Yes Mr. Cain, she just needs rest."

"What's wrong with her?"

"She…" Poppy paused looking for the right words, "She is in a magical comma."

"Can I sit with her?

Madam Pomfrey looked put out but said, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt. If she wakes up, let me know."

Madam Pomfrey left him to tend to Draco. Harry pulled an armchair closer to Luna. Leaning over her still body, he was going to whisper 'get better', but instead found himself apologizing for not having any radishes.

SSS

At five after three, Harry found himself in the potions classroom.

"You are late Mr. Cain. Demerit."

"Sorry sir, I was in the infirmary."

Snape's eyes shot up, "Are you injured?"

"No Sir, I was visiting Luna. Madam Pomfrey say's she's in a coma." Harry said with a worried voice.

"Yes, I heard Miss Lovegood had a nasty fall. She is expected to make a full recovery." The professor said trying to alleviate the boy's concerns. "Have you been friends with Miss Lovegood long."

"We met on the train." Harry said, and it wasn't a lie…really.

I must say Mr. Cain I am quite surprised that you visited the infirmary ill friend or not."

Harry looked puzzled, "I had to visit her sir, she is my friend." What was it with Slytherins?

"True." Snape said trying to steer the conversation back to its purpose, "I mean to say, surprising after you recent visions of it."

"It wasn't that bad," Harry shuddered. "I think because it was so bright. But seeing her there, laid out like that…" Like the next victim was what he had wanted to say.

"You mentioned earlier," Snape said slowly, "That she was in your dream."

Harry squirmed a little in his seat. It was so weird that Snape knew about his dreams. He had even seen the drawing. But so far Snape had never really reacted to any of it, not the way Harry had always thought someone would. He didn't call him a freak, tell him he was stupid, or even think he was disgusting for thinking such things. Instead he sat there patiently like they were discussing the weather. There was no reaction, just acceptance and safety.

Harry didn't know how to explain it…it felt odd.

"In the dream she was holding a box." Snape probed.

"They were plants and things. She was filling me up with them."

Snape nodded his head, "Do you remember what they were?"

"Radishes. I remember radishes, but there were others. One made me sneeze."

"Do you think you could draw the others?"

"No, it's like they are on the tip of my tongue. They were important. I remember that, but they weren't enough, I knew they weren't going to help. There was too much space, but she believed it and I wanted to. I did, but I couldn't because there wasn't anything in me to believe it with." Harry took a breath, _oh great Merlin_, he was rambling. Nervously he looked up at the professor. Snape appeared lost in thought.

"There is an exercise," Snape said after a moment, "I would like you to try."

Reaching into his desk, he pulled out some parchment and a quill. Handing it to Harry, he continued, "Write down everything you can remember on this paper. Try to start at the beginning. Put down all the detail you can remember, but also, try to capture the mood, and the unspoken things, like what you just said."

"But sir" Harry tried to protest, "I am feeling better. I even went to the infirmary."

"Nevertheless Mr. Cain I ask that you do the assignment."

Harry sighed and picked up his quill. Sorry Luna, but it looks like I am going to have to lie.

He started slowly, conscious of the changes he would have to make. Hermione became Minnie; his scar was reduced to his forehead. He was about to turn Ron into a Tom, but as soon as he saw it written down, he changed his mind, choosing Rob instead.

His writing became easier when he reached the part about Luna. The filling slowly started to come to him. He remembered something purple, something rude. There was time and dirt. He recalled Anise easily, and the friendly radishes.

"Mullein" Harry said under his breath.

"What was that Mr. Cain?"

"I remembered something sir, Mullein."

"Hmm," Snape said rising and moving towards his stores, moments later, he reemerged. "Mullein, symbolizes fortitude and protection from dark energies. It is also soothing. There is a myth that if one sleeps on a pillow of Mullein, one will dream pleasantly as the flowers chase away the nightmares. Very fitting, if you ask me."

"But sir, how could I dream about that? I didn't know anything about that plant."

"It is commonly used in healing potions; earaches, lung infections migraines. I am sure you have worked with it before, or at least heard of it. The mind has an amazing ability to recall information, thought lost, in the course of a dream."

The way Snape explained it, it did seem possible. What a thing to dream about. He did need Mullein. Eager, Harry looked back down at the paper, trying to will his brain to remember more of the plants.

Snape however cleared his throat and said, "Mr. Cain, it is almost time for dinner." Harry was shocked so much time had passed. He looked down at his paper; it was so messy. Snape was going to kill him.

"You may put your paper in the room if you wish."

Harry nodded, "Yes Sir, can I ask you something."

"You may."

"Why does everyone refer to it as the room? I mean isn't it just your spare room?"

"It is Mr. Cain. However, it is somewhat against school rules to have a minor in a professors quarters past curfew. Therefore, when it is in use, it is addressed as 'the room' and not my room. I believe the headmaster has even reassigned it on the school map. Please refer to it as such if you find yourself talking about it outside of my quarters."

"Yes Sir." Harry said. He wondered if Slytherins always covered so many things.

SSS

Harry was sitting with his study group after dinner. He wanted to concentrate on the Transfiguration notes, but his mind kept drifting.

"Draco," He said. When the blonde's eyes looked up, he continued. "Thanks for earlier."

He received a grunt in response.

"I have been meaning to ask, what's crooks hunting?" Harry asked.

Draco set his paper down and looked Harry dead in the eye. "You know that book you borrowed?"

It took a moment for Harry to remember Hermione's book. "Yeah?"

"She has a cat."

_Crookshanks_, Harry realized. "Wait, your hunting her cat."

Draco rolled his eyes. "No, were hunting the owner."

"I don't think I understand."

"Neither do we," Theo said plainly, "Something about true love and stalking."

"Shut up Nott." Draco sneered. Softening his expression, he turned back to Harry. "There is something I have been meaning to ask you."

"Yes." Harry replied suddenly very afraid.

"I was wondering, next time you see her, could you give her this?" Draco said sliding a book across the table. "Tell her you let one of your friends read her book, and he thought she might enjoy this one."

Harry picked up the book Draco offered, _'The Hidden History of Hogwarts.' _"Sure." Harry said looking at the book. Hermione would love it. "But uh, why not just leave her a note, inside the book."

Draco's eyes lit up, "good idea."

"Mr. Cain." Snape said as he approached the table, "If you are ready."

"Yes sir," Harry answered. He began to pick up his school supplies and pack them in his bag. Looking at Draco he saw the boy still writing. Under his breath, he told Malfoy, "Give it to me at breakfast." Seeing the blond nod in agreement, he left the table.

Harry followed the professor into his private quarters. Snape had told him that he could put his school bag away in the room. Harry quickly went to the room, but once there he was hesitant to rejoin the professor. He really didn't want to know what Snape had planned for this evening. But it had to be something. Realizing that he could not linger any longer he left the room and made his way to the living room.

When Harry entered the room and discovered Snape wasn't there. He raked his mind, wondering if he had missed some instruction, but Snape hadn't said anything. Nervously he took a seat in one of the armchairs.

That was what someone was suppose to do while waiting for someone right. Sit quietly. Momentarily he wondered if Snape would get upset with him taking liberties the way Aunt Petunia did. Realizing good manners would mean waiting to be invited to sit, Harry hastily stood up. Turning around he brushed off the seat of the chair, trying to hide any signs of his having sat there.

"Mr. Cain, what are you doing?" Snape asked puzzled.

"Uh..nothing sir." Harry said embarrassed, "Was there something you wanted me to do?"

"I am not requiring you to clean the furniture if that is what you have in mind, no." Snape said mockingly.

Harry could feel his cheeks burn.

"Mr. Cain you stated that you have an interest in chess," Snape said slowly, "I was wondering if I might challenge you to a match before bed."

"I…um…I am not really good at chess."

"Do you enjoy playing?"

"Yes. My best friend, he is really good. We played all the time. But I never really caught on."

"Mr. Cain, do you want to play a game or not?" Snape said sounding slightly vexed.

"Sure," Harry said feeling that it would be rude to say no.

Harry and Snape sat down before the chess set. Snape summoned some coco and the two began the game. A few moves in Severus wondered if the boy's protest were some type of strategy. A couple moves later he realized, the boy was totally helpless when it came to chess. Severus decided to temper his game with the realization. The object of the game tonight was not to win or lose, but to relax the boy enough to possibly have a decent night sleep.

Of course, the calming draught he had laced the coco with should help as well.

Harry lost himself to the game. He rarely looked up at Snape. He didn't need to, he knew he sucked at chess. He also knew his professor had to play better than he was, after all the man was a spy.

That meant that this was Snape's way of offering companionship. Letting him know he was there. That it didn't always have to be twenty question. Harry found himself strangely thankful for the gesture.

"Checkmate." Snape said softly.

Harry smiled weakly. "Good game sir."

"Care for another?" Snape said raising an eyebrow.

"No thank you," Harry declined. "If it's alright, I think I am going to go to bed."

In response, Snape gave him a curt nod. "If there is anything you require, do not hesitate to summon me."

"Yes sir." Harry said, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Mr. Cain."

SSS

It was a long dark hallway. Thousands of doors lined the walls; it reminded Harry of the department of mysteries. Somehow, he knew it wasn't. Far away, he could hear a girl crying. Walking towards the sound, he found her, sitting on the floor, hugging her knees, silvery hair tangled around her head.

"Luna?"

"Anise?" Luna sniffled, "What are you doing here."

"I don't know." Harry asked confused. "Where are we?"

"I don't know what you would call it," Luna said standing shakily. "I always called it the dream library."

"What are all these doors" Harry asked looking around.

"Dreams," Luna said sadly.

"Luna, what's the matter?"

"I can't find me." She whispered fearfully.

"I don't understand." Harry said confused. "Your right here."

"I mean my body."

"You'll find yourself when you wake up."

"It doesn't work that way." Luna spoke softly, "I have to find myself to wake up. I have been here so long Harry. I'm scared."

"Don't be scared Luna," Harry said suddenly feeling protective of his friend.

A loud rumble suddenly came from the room behind Luna. The blond girl jumped, grabbed Harry's hand and started to pull him away. "Come on, we have to hurry."

"What is that Luna?"

"The Baku."

She opened a door and lead him in. The room was done in shades of blue, there were bookshelves lining the walls. On a far corner he could see a portrait of the four founders. The crispness of the room made Harry realize the hallway had been blurry. "Is this…"

"The Ravenclaw common room." Luna said sitting down on one of the armchairs. "I don't understand it, I swear I was here. I have looked everywhere, the tree, the library, the great hall. I can't find myself."

Harry could hear a thrashing sound coming from outside of the door, he thought they needed to run again but Luna looked calm.

"Luna….the Baku, is it going to come in here."

"Don't be silly Anise, this isn't a dream, this is the common room."

"I'm lost." Harry said honestly.

"That's not funny Anise, your not lost I am." Luna said offended.

"Sorry Luna, I meant that I don't understand."

"I have to find my body Harry. I don't want to die here." Luna said tearfully.

"Well find it Luna." Harry said trying to sound certain. "Don't worry."

SSS

A/N Sorry for the delay, I got caught up writing the second to last chapter. Sorry this isn't beta'd….my beta is having beta's! Punctuation marks all around. Thank you for the reviews as always, they are inspiring! Hope you enjoyed.


	15. Did you ever

Sorry for the delay…..Dedicated to Wynnleaf, Darkstar77 and Kris, whose "encouragement" helped banish writers block.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"I noticed tonight that the world has been turning

While I have been stuck here dithering around

Though I know I said I'd wait around till you need me,

I have to go, I hate to let you down." Keane

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"I've never been gone this long, Anise."

"Gone from where?" Harry asked.

Luna actually had the nerve to roll her eyes, "My body. Honestly, aren't you paying attention?"

"It's a bit hard to take in really," Harry said defensively. "I mean you keep talking about your body, but you are right there."

"I think the nargles might have addled you brain," Luna replied serenely.

Harry really had no idea what was going on, but he sensed that asking Luna more questions was going to cause her to become more upset. Instead, he tried to help. "So this is the last place you remember being, correct?"

Luna, in response, meekly nodded her head.

"You said you already checked the library, and the tree."

"I have been everywhere in the castle, Anise."

"You couldn't have…that would take weeks to explore," Harry said, astounded.

"Dream time is different, Anise. It's longer than normal time," Luna whispered solemnly. Harry felt that truth.

"What about outside of the castle?"

"I looked a little on the grounds. The thestral fields, the trees, the green houses. However, I am wary of going farther. It's a big world, Anise, and you can get lost really easily."

A silence followed then, while each was thinking.

"I think I might have become a ghost," Luna whispered, more to herself than to Harry.

"You are not a ghost, Luna. Why would you say that?"

"Everyone knows that if a person dies in their dreams, they die in real life."

"That's just an old wives' tale," Harry said, trying to brush the matter aside.

"They were really very clever."

"Who?"

"The old wives. They knew things," Luna said, looking up at Harry. "It is true, I've seen it happen."

"You're not going to be a ghost, Luna," Harry said, wishing his voice sounded more convincing.

Harry thought that it was a pretty weird thing to be talking about in a dream. Especially since, he knew this was a dream. Just then, his arm began to itch. When he moved to scratch it, he felt something solid, invisible but solid, holding him.

"No, I suppose not," Luna said thoughtfully, "but I can end up a dreamer."

Harry already thought she was a bit of one. His arm started to twitch again. Another loud booming sound railed outside.

"Luna, are you sure those things can't get inside?"

"Well….anything is possible I suppose," Luna said, "why do you ask?"

"I think one is shaking my arm," Harry said, looking at his arm.

"That's not a Baku, Anise," Luna answered fearfully.

"What is it?" He queried nervously

"Someone is trying to wake you up."

"Augh, it's annoying," Harry growled, watching his right arm shake.

"Ignore it!" Luna demanded.

"I can't, it's getting stronger!" Harry cried out.

"Mr. Cain!"

"Anise, please! Don't leave me."

"Mr. Cain, wake up!" Snape called out,

Unwillingly, Harry gasped himself awake.

"Mr. Cain," came Snape's voice, "Were you having another nightmare?"

"No," Harry replied immediately, shaking his head.

"It appeared that you were."

"No," Harry said, "it was just strange. I was with Luna, trying to get her to wake up."

"Another dream of the infirmary?" Snape asked skeptically.

"No, Luna was in the common room. Ravenclaw's live in a library. …..my friend would be so jealous."

"I was unaware you two were so close," Snape said neutrally.

"She is my friend," Harry said defensively.

"So you have said," Snape said thoughtfully, "Regardless, it's breakfast time. Please get dressed and meet me in the dining room."

"Yes sir."

Breakfast with Snape was a quiet affair. Harry had felt out of sorts to begin with, but when Snape had asked him if he would like something other than porridge for breakfast, he felt a completely new level of unease. Harry wondered if he was uncomfortable because Snape had just woken him up personally from a dream. He tried reminding himself that Snape had woken him up yesterday as well. Remembering the past few days instantly made Harry feel exposed.

But he didn't have a nightmare last night. Well not really. Not compared to what he was usually dreaming anyway. So why did it bother him so much? Snape, after all, had been really nice to him lately.

Could it be because he has been nothing but a git for the past five years, he thought critically. No, surely not, that wasn't the reason he felt so at odds with the potion master.

"Mr. Cain, is everything alright?" Snape asked cautiously.

"Fine, sir," Harry quickly replied.

"If you are finished with breakfast, I have an assignment for you."

Harry looked down at his half-full bowl of porridge and decided to give up on it. Pushing it away, he asked, "What do you want me to do?"

"Have you finished writing out your dream?"

Harry nodded.

"If you would be as so kind to go get it, I will clear the table and we will set to work."

Harry felt like his heart had dropped. Nervously he obeyed. Once back in the dinning room, he spied Snape sitting in the same spot. Where his breakfast had been, now was a large stack of parchments, red ink and a quill.

Not knowing if he should sit back down, Harry cleared his throat.

"Have a seat, Mr. Cain." Once Harry was seated across from him, Snape continued, "Mr. Cain, tell me what do you think your dream meant."

"I…uh, I am not sure, sir."

"If you had to hazard a guess," Snape drawled.

_You hate me and want to punish me?_ Harry thought cynically.

"Mr. Cain?"

"I'm not sure. It was just a nightmare," he replied defensively.

"Be that as it may," Snape said evenly, "There are often meanings to the things one dreams. In this exercise, I want you to read what you wrote and underline all the words that invoke a strong emotional response. You may use some of my ink, if you desire. Indeed, I think it might help. Once you are finished let me know."

"Yes, sir."

Harry picked up his quill and plunged the tip into the red inkwell. Briefly looking up at Snape, he saw the man was engaged in marking the essays. Figuring he had delayed long enough he started.

The directions didn't make much sense to Harry. Why would underlining words help? Nevertheless, he started in on the task. He didn't think anything would 'invoke something strong' until he saw the word scalpel. He swore his heart skipped a beat. Hand shaking, he underlined the word. As he read, it became more clear which words needed the underlining; chains, forehead, hair, magic, blood, Snape, retching.

By the time he had reached the portion of the dream that Luna was in, his mind drifted to the contents of her box. In red ink on the side of the paper he wrote Anise, radishes, mullein. He knew there were more. What had she said? He needed time. Harry went to write down time. The dirt had made him sneeze. But it really wasn't dirt it was too fine to be dirt, but it was dirty. Maybe dust, or…

"Ash," Harry accidentally said aloud.

"Mr. Cain?" Snape said, looking up thoughtfully.

"I just remembered part of the dream. Ash," as Harry went to write it down in the margin, he noticed he had spelt time wrong. Then it clicked. Giggling, he commented. "And thyme. Luna's brill."

"How is that?" Snape said sounding intrigued.

"Well she said I needed lots and lots of time. But she was planting _Thyme_ in me. Clever really."

"Hmmm, Thyme for courage and cleansing. Interesting play on words."

"What does Ash stand for?"

"Well, that is a little more complicated. I would say it depends greatly on the type of ash used. Dragon ash and Vampire ash are examples of the polar opposite's ash can embody."

"Generally speaking though," Harry prompted.

"If pressed I would say, in context of your dream, more of the same cleansing and protecting," Snape said thoughtfully. "Are you finished underlining?"

"Almost," Harry said.

"When you have completed that, you are to write out each of the words you underlined. I suggest you do so horizontally on the parchment. Let me know when you are done and we will move on."

When Harry had finished, Snape explained to him the next step. He was to 'free associate' with each word. Meaning that he had to write down what ever words came to mind when he read each underlined word. Snape had told him he could repeat words as many times as they came to mind. Also, he was not to edit his responses.

Harry had followed the directions as best he could. After all, he couldn't let some identifying piece of information slip. However, Harry soon discovered that what he expected he would 'free associate' and what actually came to mind were two separate things.

As he worked in silence, slowly things started to 'click'. While Harry had originally thought the dream was about Snape killing him once he realized he was Neil Cain, he soon felt it meant something much more.

When he was done, he had guiltily looked up at Snape. He expected that the Professor would want to go through the dream, piece by piece, as if it was some strange potion. Instead, Snape dismissed him, telling him not to skip a meal.

The rest of the day found Harry brooding. The dream seemed so clear now. Snape was removing everything that was associated with 'Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived' and was trying to get to the essence of Harry. Snape had removed the scar that defined him in the war. He removed his hair, the reminder of his father.

Dumbledore helped Snape remove my magic. That definitely seemed like punishment, he thought darkly. In the light of day, however, the attack seemed more like Snape, once again trying to get to the bottom of things. By taking away everything that had defined Harry, Snape was trying to see who the boy really was.

And really, he chided himself, how long had he been complaining about being misunderstood. About wanting to be nothing more than 'just Harry'. And in the dream, he did nothing but fight Snape as he was doing just that.

It had hurt, in the dream to watch his best friends help destroy him. Help was the operative word though. It was listed several times under Ron, Hermione and Luna's names. He even listed it twice under Snape. Along with safety.

In all truth, there was nothing 'bad' listed under Snape's name. All of the 'bad' words were associated with the HeadmasterWho would have thought the world could turn upside down so fast?

It was later that night, during study group that Harry had another realization tied to the dream. He was no longer afraid of having the dream. Simply, he was confused about what to do with the questions it posed.

Trust Snape? Hate Dumbledore?

"Mr. Cain, if you are ready to retire," Snape prompted.

Once again, Harry followed his Professor to his private chambers. After putting his bag in 'the room', he joined the older man at the chess set.

"The dream," Harry said softly after sometime, "It isn't what I thought."

"Dreams rarely are**,"** Snape murmured.

"I thought," Harry said, resting his chin on his arms on the table, eyes never leaving the pieces on the board, "I thought it was…I thought you were punishing me."

"For?" Came the soft question.

"Being me," Harry said honestly. "But it's not. It's about you helping me."

"I shall endeavor to assist you Mr. Cain, in any way I can."

"I know," Harry said automatically, and for once, a part of him believed Snape. "It's just hard to believe," he whispered to himself.

"Believing often requires trust," Snape said softly. Then motioning to the chess set, "Shall we leave the game for later?"

Harry thought it was a stupid question. Anyone looking at the board would realize he had already lost to the teacher. Just as soon as he thought that, he realized, once again, the game was just a front. Snape was leaving him an opening.

Harry gave a small smile, "Yes, please."

Severus watched as the boy stood and rubbed his tired eyes. Briefly he wondered what they would look like green.

"Good night, Mr. Cain. Do not hesitate to fetch me if you have need."

"I'm not worried about the dream tonight, Professor. I think I understand it now."

"All the same, Mr. Cain." Snape said, giving him a curt nod.

SSSSSSSSSS

Harry was back in the dream library again. There were thousands of corridors, all long hallways littered with doors. He could hear Luna crying, but he could hear her singing as well. It was an eerie effect that left Harry a little unnerved. Especially since, it was coming from two different directions.

'Did you ever see a dream walking?….. Well I did.'

He strained his ears to listen, trying to locate the direction her cries were coming from, and where her song was coming from. The more he listened however, the more disoriented he became.

"Luna?" Harry hesitantly called.

Suddenly, as if to remind him, he heard a crash resonate from a door close by. He knew there was something here that he was supposed to keep away from. He just wished he could remember what 'it' was.

'Did you ever hear a dream talking?….. Well I did.'

The song sounded to be coming from everywhere. He didn't know what direction to take.

Did you ever see a dream dancingWell I did.

"Luna?" He desperately called again.

"I hate how it's always so dark here," Luna said walking up behind him. Startled, Harry turned to face her. "I just wish I could see some blue skies."

"It is dark," Harry agreed a little shaken.

"Oh look!" Luna called out excitedly. "This is my favorite," Luna confided, walking over to a door. To Harry it looked just like all the others.

"What is it?"

"You'll see," She exclaimed happily. Reaching down she grabbed his hand. Harry noticed her hand was cold, but before he could comment, she was opening a door.

"You told me once you wanted to go sailing. This is perfect."

As they stepped into the room, Harry was taken back by the size of the space. It was a huge ballroom. Streamers and lights hung down from the ceiling. There were a few festive tables lining the walls. In the front a large stage lay bare, that would have easily hold a band. Windows filled the far wall, looking onto a patio of sorts. Beyond that, Harry could see stars in the sky. Taking a deep breath, he could smell salt water.

"Luna, where are we?"

"The Queen Elizabeth isn't grand," Luna said in a lively voice. "But honestly, we need a band." Luna waved her hand in front of the stage and suddenly a 1940's style band appeared, including a slick looking lounge singer.

Instantly, music began to fill the air.

"Bloody brilliant, Luna," Harry breathed.

'Say it's only a paper moon, sailing over a cardboard sea,"

'Dance with me, Harry?" Luna asked.

Harry was no fan of dancing, especially with girls. But that was real life. Here he felt like he was the leading man, who could not miss a step. Besides, it was just the two of them.

'But it wouldn't be make-believe, if you believed in me.'

The two friends started dancing boldly on the empty dance floor. As the music swelled, Harry swirled Luna recklessly, but they never faltered in their steps. Buoyed in the idea that they would always dance perfectly in the dream, their steps became wilder.

Giggling at their antics, Harry hardly noticed as the music changed, but something nudged him to remember.

'Well the dream that was walking, and the dream that was talking…'

Turning around, Harry noticed they were no longer the only ones on the dance floor. Sitting on the floor against the far wall, a pale girl was holding her knees. Harry couldn't see her face but the way her shoulders rose and fell, he knew she was crying.

"Anise, I am so tired,' she said weakly, but somehow Harry could hear her above the music.

Turning to his friend, Harry asked, "Luna, who is that?"

Luna stopped suddenly and looked him fiercely in the eyes. "Ignore her!"

Raising a hand, she swept it across the room. Suddenly the room was filled with people. The music changed again, becoming livelier. He tried looking again for the crying girl, but all he saw was glitter and people swirling.

'Somewhere beyond the sea, somewhere waitin' for me.'

Harry found it harder to dance in the crowded room. Luna tried to spin him, but only succeeded in twirling him into another pair of dancers.

"Concentrate, Harry," Luna demanded, as she tried to spin him again.

'She's there watchin' for me…'

"Don't lose me, Anise,' Luna pleaded, but not the Luna he was dancing with.

Something was wrong. Harry was sure of it. He dropped Luna's hands and started looking around the room. Then he noticed something odd, a fiery red plume. Harry immediately started to follow the red swirl.

As he followed the red object across the ballroom floor, dancers immediately started bumping into him. Harry could hear the dancing Luna calling him back to finish the dance. But he ignored her. He made himself ignore the other dancers. He tried to block out the music and even the smell of the ocean and concentrate solely on that swirl of red he had seen.

Abruptlyeverything in the room disappeared, save for the crying girl and a bird.

"Fawkes," Harry said, surprised.

The bird turned to face Harry. Opening its beak, a new song started. In the melody, Harry felt everything fall into place.

"Luna, are you all right?"

"No," she whispered, looking up to meet his eyes.

"I think I might have become a ghost." He remembered her saying, and now that he was seeing the real Luna… She looked like a ghost.

Think Harry, he chided himself, She needs to find her body….the infirmary. "Luna," he said quickly, "I remember. Your body…it's in the infirmary."

"I've checked there, Harry. It's not," she said faintly, "It's only your dream."

"We have to try, Luna. Come on," he said offering her a hand.

"I can't, Harry, it's too far."

The phoenix stopped singing. Moving between the two friends, he spread out his tail feathers. Instinctively, Harry started petting the bird.

Fawkes let out a screech and looked pointedly at Luna. Sensing the bird was trying to help, Harry reached over and placed one of Luna's cold hands on the feathers.

Instantly, everything went white.

When the colors started to return to the world, Harry sighed in relief. They were in the hospital wing.

"Luna, look," Harry said, wasting no time pointing to the far bed, "It's your body."

A loud thump came from the door to the hospital wing. Harry tried not to let the Baku bother him; after all, they had found Luna's body.

"Look, Harry, your body too."

Harry followed her gaze and saw himself chained down to the bed. Harry felt like he was going to be sick. They needed to get out.

"I'd help fix you, Harry, but I am too tired," Luna said weakly.

"Don't worry, Luna, look," he said, pointing to her body again, "Look, Luna."

Luna's gaze, however, never strayed from the dream Harry lying broken and bleeding on the bed.

Another loud bang came from the door and Harry realized they were running out of time. He grabbed Luna's hand and dragged her over to the far bed. Still she would not look down at herself. Feeling desperate, he placed her hand on her sleeping body.

Suddenly, Luna began to shimmer. Her face turned, and with her bright silvery eyes, she faced Harry.

"Anise, you found me."

Pounding at the door interrupted.

"Luna, the Baku."

"Scream, Harry," Luna commanded, "You have to wake up before they get in here."

"I won't leave you."

"You have to scream."

"No," Harry protested

"Professor Snape!" Luna yelled at the dark figure, "Harry is here!"

Snape turned around quickly, the cold steel scalpel gleaming in the light. "Mr. Potter, what are you doing out of bed?"

Harry tried to control his fear as his head of house approached him. "Luna, please make him stop," he pleaded. "He's going to hurt me."

"No," Luna said coldly, before turning to face the professor, "I think you should remove his eyes next."

Harry willed his eyes to stay open against the threat.

"Harry, you do understand that you will be punished for your disobedience. I told you to stay on the bed."

"No, please!" Harry begged. He could feel Snape's hands on his arms, immobilizing him. Strangely, he could feel other hands on him too, invisible but firm. "No. Luna, help me, please!"

"Scream for me, Anise."

"Yes," Snape agreed, "Scream, Harry."

"No!" Harry yelled, struggling to get out of the overpowering grip.

The pounding on the infirmary door grew louder, muffling Harry's pleas. Then with a thunderous crash, it broke open. Harry could see the black fur of the monsters approaching. He didn't want to scream, but with Snape's firm hands on his shoulder, he no longer had a choice.

Once Harry's cry pierced the air, Luna smiled and opened her eyes.

Honestly, she felt like a tribe of mooncalfs had stomped over her. Luna pondered abstractly if her physical weakness made her feel emotionally vulnerable, or was her emotional vulnerability making her feel physically weak?

When she heard the Headmaster clear his throat, she wondered if she could get away with feigning sleep.

"Miss Lovegood, we really do need to talk," The headmaster insisted.

"I think Madam Pomfrey would rather scan me and make me rest," she replied hopefully, trying to stall.

"It is perhaps a good thing then," the Headmaster countered, twirling his wand, "That I have it on good authority that she is sound asleep."

Weakly, Luna pushed herself up into a sitting position. It was time to face the music.

"Now," the headmaster began sternly, "Would you be so kind as to explain why my phoenix has lost two feathers?"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

A/N- A big thank you to my beta Graenr, a "It" girl all around. And Thank you for all the kind reviews. I hope you enjoyed.

The dream exercises that Snape has Harry do in this story are actual therapeutic techniques.

In addition, I have started a yahoo group, http://groups. group/inplainsight/ It is my hope that this will allow me to send out messages if I am not able to post timely and to give FYI information like websites, recs and play lists. ( I also hope it inspires fan art…wink wink wink)

Songs mutilated for this fanfic include; Paper moon, Beyond the sea, Did you ever see a dream walking and, Can't stop now.


	16. Open the Sky

"Lift me up on my honor, Take me over this spell

Get this weight off my shoulders, I carried it well.

Loose these shackles of pressure, Shake me out of these chains.

Lead me not to temptation,

Hold my hand harder, ease my mind,

Roll down this smoke screen and open the sky." the killers

SSSSSSSSSS

"Luna!" Harry cried out, "Make him stop, please don't let Snape take my eyes. LUNA!" Harry screamed.

"Hush, you foolish child, hush. It is a dream," Severus gently chastised as he pulled the child close, trying in vain to immobilize the child flailing around the bed.

But his kind words were answered by another scream, this time directly into his ear. Severus winced and, in doing so, lost some of his grip. The student unconsciously seized the moment and managed to jerk his knee into Severus' chest.

That was it! Frustrated, Severus screamed, "MR. CAIN, WAKE UP THIS INSTANT!"

The frantic pleas and the struggling boy immediately went still. All that was left was the quiet hitching breath of a child trying to still his heart. Severus pulled him up, letting his chin rest upon the child's matted brown hair. Taking a deep breath, he continued his comforting.

"Shh, Neil, it is alright, I have you."

He felt the student stiffen in his arms.

"You are all right, nothing to fear, shh."

The cries returned, but this time they were more subdued. Severus could tell the child was ashamed to be crying. With one hand, Severus held the child firmly, with the other, he started to rub gentle circles into his back.

"Relax, Neil, you're safe."

Severus was unsure of how long they stayed like that, but he also knew it made no difference if it had been ten minutes or ten hours. He did notice that he sighed in relief when the child had finally relaxed and began_hiccupping._

Loosening his grip, Severus moved back a little so he could see his student's face.

"Feeling better?" Snape said inquired dryly.

Harry, not trusting his voice, simply nodded his head.

"It is early, but I do not think you will be able to go back to sleep. Get dressed and meet me in the living room."

As soon as Snape left, Harry quickly got dressed. Once he had calmed down, Harry's thoughts went to Luna. Was she all right or did the monsters get her? Did the dream mean anything? He tried to tell himself it was just a dream, but it felt so real.

"Sir," Harry said, as soon as he walked into the living room, "I was wondering if I could go see Luna."

"Miss Lovegood?" Snape asked. "You do realize that it is just past six."

"I know sir," he replied, not in fact having known the hour. "I just want to make sure she is okay."

"Why do you feel she would be otherwise?"

Harry didn't know what to say. He didn't want to sound crazy. It was just that the dream seemed so real.

"I just want to see her," he answered weakly.

"Would this have anything to do with the night terror you just suffered?" Snape asked quietly, "Were you aware you called out her name?"

Harry could feel the blush rising on his cheek as he remembered the fashion in which he had been woken up.

"Please, sir."

"Very well, Mr. Cain. I suggest we walk instead of floo, as it is still early."

They walked in silence down the empty corridors. Harry noticed he did not have any trouble keeping up with Snape, although he was unsure if that was because the man was walking slower or if it was due to his own anxiety about seeing his friend. In quick time they were there.

Quietly they entered the Infirmary and overheard the Headmaster talking.

"I will have your honor on this matter," Dumbledore said sternly.

"Yes sir." Luna replied meekly.

It was at that moment Snape cleared his throat.

"Miss Lovegood is too tired to see visitors at this time. Perhaps, Mr. Cain, you could visit your friend at a more appropriate time?" The Headmaster stated never moving his eyes from Luna.

"I am not tired, sir," Luna said airily, "in fact I feel like I could dance."

"Miss Lovegood," Dumbledore rebuked.

Luna ignored him, sitting straighter up in bed, she turned to the potions master. "Professor Snape, you really have nice eyes."

If Snape responded to the compliment, Harry didn't notice as his own eyes went wide.

"I need to fetch Poppy," The Headmaster said with a curt nod, "Severus."

Snape heard the command. "Come, Mr. Cain, you have seen for yourself, Miss Lovegood is quite fine."

Once outside the Hospital wing's door Harry looked back and mumbled, "That is really odd. The things she said."

"What is perhaps more intriguing," Snape said in quiet agreement, "is that Poppy had yet to examine her."

"What do you think is going on?"

"I am not sure, Mr. Cain. I assure you we will be finding out soon. For now, it is perhaps best if you joined your peers in the great hall."

SSSSSSSSSS

It was Wednesday before Harry had a chance to meet up with Luna again. Lunch had just finished. He managed to ditch the Slytherins, and was walking over to the Ravenclaw table. Harry could see Neville already there.

"Hi Luna, Neville," Harry greeted them.

"Hi, Anise," Luna sang sadly, nibbling on a radish. "Did you need something?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to meet by the tree? After you've finished?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Don't you have Herbology after lunch?" Neville asked. Seeing Luna nod her head, he continued, "You're not ditching Professor Sprout's class are you?"

"No," Luna said, "I've been to every one."

"But last week…"Harry started before mumbling to himself, "I must be losing my mind."

"Do it with style," Luna said, but Harry thought it sounded forced. Looking up he caught Luna's eyes. For once, they looked so serious, as if she was trying to say something else.

"Excuse me, but I do believe you two have classes to attend," the Headmaster said looking at Luna and Neville. Then turning to Harry, he said, "Mr. Cain, a word if you don't mind."

Harry looked up to meet the Headmaster's eyes and suppressed a shiver. His eyes held no twinkle. He wondered why the Headmaster was so angry.

Harry soon discovered the reasons, once they were sequestered in the Headmaster's office.

"Neil, I must say that while I understand your desire to visit your parents' grave, it was rather foolish to make such a request of Professor Snape," Dumbledore said, taking a seat behind his desk.

"I didn't ask him," Harry replied quickly, "It just sort of came out."

"Be that as it may, try to use a little more caution in the future. I will be escorting you to their resting place myself within the next few weeks. I believe you will understand the risks this involves." Once Harry had nodded his head, the Headmaster continued, "Neil, I must make a request of you."

Harry knew this was going to be bad. "Yes, sir?"

"I feel that this year's exercise is one that can greatly benefit you. That is if you allow it to do so."

"I don't understand, sir."

"I think sometimes it is hard to focus while distracted by one's past.

There was a long pause that filled the room. It seemed to Harry that the Headmaster was trying to will his brain to understand.

"Sir?" Harry asked nervously.

"I think it would be best, easier if you will, to get to know the Slytherins if perhaps you were not so preoccupied with Miss Lovegood. I have to say, once again, Mr. Cain, how dangerous it is to let others in," On our secret, were the unsaid words.

Harry heard more though. Being addressed as Mr. Cain sparked the old debate in Harry. Was the Headmaster telling him he didn't want Harry to kill her too?

Of course Dumbledore didn't want Luna to die. Harry didn't want her to either. "I didn't say anything. Honest."

"I know, my dear boy. Nonetheless, I feel that distance might be best."

Defeated, Harry agreed.

"Now, I have some letters from home," Dumbledore said, picking up some parchments from his desk.

The word home hung bitterly in the air. Harry realized Hogwarts had always been his home. However, this year, Home was far, far away.

_I don't have a home_, he thought darkly, _I just have places to stay._

Harry barely read the letters. They were cheerful and ordinary, painful and sweet. He wished he could talk to his best friends, really talk to them. It was a small comfort however, that Hermione had sent him the coin. It gave him a small sense of being connected.

"You may reply now, if you wish."

It might have sounded like an offer, but Harry knew it was a demand. Keep up the illusion and be a good boy.

And so, with a punctured soul, he wrote happy letters to Ron and Hermione: Everything was fine, he was learning lots, he missed them and really wanted to go flying.

Before leaving the office, the Headmaster cleared his throat, "Perhaps the galleon should stay."

Harry placed the charmed coin down on the desk. It didn't matter he told himself. He would make himself believe it.

SSSSSSSSSS

The next day's free period found Harry sitting out beneath the tree he had shared with Luna. He realized now, that all last week had been a dream. Luna had never been here with him. No matter how real it had seemed.

"He's not really mad," Luna said sitting down next to him, "Well, I mean he isn't mad at you."

"Luna?" Harry asked shakily. Reaching out he touched her arm.

"Of course, silly, who else would I be?" Luna said softly.

"I just wanted to be sure," Harry mumbled. "I don't think you are supposed to be here."

"I am sorry, Anise, I just wanted to help."

"Aren't you supposed to be in Herbology?"

Luna nodded, and said, "Skipping one class won't be so bad."

"You really weren't here last week, were you?"

Luna stared at him eerily, "I was, just not physically."

"What does that mean, Luna? I don't understand."

"I told you, I could find my way into people's dreams. Sometimes I can see the taint dreams leave behind, when people are awake."

"So it was real?" Harry said trying to understand fully, "Those dreams about being in the library?"

Luna nodded her head softly.

"What about last week?" Harry asked quickly, "I kept seeing you here, but you were in class."

"You were pulling me," Luna said turning to look at the lake. "It was dangerous, I didn't know what I was doing, but I couldn't leave you alone. Not like that, still dreaming in the while awake."

"Why was it dangerous?"

"It bled me. It made me weak."

"So," Harry said slowly, "that's why you went into the coma. Because of me."

"No, Anise, I went into the coma because of me. Because I chose to help," she said sternly. But it was no use, Harry could hear the words underneath. If he hadn't been so messed up, she wouldn't have gotten trapped. That was why Dumbledore was so mad at them.

"That is not why he is mad, Anise," Luna said airily, still looking at the water.

"Can you read minds too?" he whispered.

"No," she replied honestly, "I just know how you think. Look at it like this. Do you remember second year when you flew here in that car with Ron?"

When Harry nodded, she continued.

"Why do you think Snape was so mad?"

"Because I broke the rules."

"No," Luna said, turning to face him. Her silvery eyes pierced deep. "He was mad, because it was so dangerous, you were twelve, driving a flying car all the way to Scotland. You could have died."

"But he tried to get us expelled."

Luna giggled, "I think that was because he couldn't threaten to kill you."

"Luna, you aren't making sense."

"Haven't you heard Ron's mom threaten to kill him or the twins if he did something outrageously stupid? It's the same thing. You scared him."

While Harry had heard Mrs. Weasley threaten the twins in such a fashion, he still didn't want to believe it about Snape. No matter that a small part of him knew it was true.

"So how does that work with Dumbledore?

"I almost died in that coma," Luna said serenely. "If you hadn't saved me when you did, if Fawkes hadn't shown up. Your dreams are powerful. Anise, and I have never participated so fully. Dumbledore is going to help me. But until I am stronger, I can't help anymore. I'm sorry, Anise."

"He told you to stay away from me, didn't he, Luna?" Everything started to click.

Luna nodded her head lightly, "But I couldn't, Anise, not until you understood. You do understand, don't you?"

"I understand, Luna," Harry said softly, "I am sorry for what happened."

"It wasn't your doing, Anise. Don't worry, you still have Snape," Luna said cheerfully. "He'll help. I know he will, and so will Dumbledore."

Harry closed his eyes and weakly said, "I know."

When he opened them, Luna was gone.

It doesn't matter. He told himself. It doesn't matter. I've been alone before.

That was the problem with hugs, Harry thought cynically. When you don't ask for one, someone always is there, but when you need one, you are always alone.

Then again, maybe he did have someone, he thought as the image of Snape came to mind.

That night, in study group, Harry kept looking at Snape, steeling his nerve to go talk to him. While he was still staying in 'the room', he knew the other man was still busy. Last night, Snape had retired early to his study to mark essays.

Currently the man was talking to a first year. When she left, another student took her place. As Harry waited, he tried to feign interest in his charms essay. Finally, the student left. Harry took the moment. Standing up, he made short order of crossing the room and approaching Snape. It was only then that Harry realized he didn't know how to broach the subject.

"Mr. Cain," Snape addressed him.

"Professor Snape, I uh." Oh bloody brilliant, I'm rambling Harry thought. Quickly grabbing at straws he continued, "I um… was wondering if we could finish that chess game tonight."

Harry noticed Snape looked uneasy. "I am afraid I cannot oblige you, I have made other plans."

"Oh, all right then." It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He mentally chanted.

"Was there something you wished to discuss?"

It doesn't matter. "No, sir."

"Very well then, if you will excuse me, Mr. Cain," Snape said standing up. "Oh and, Mr. Cain."

"Yes, professor."

"I have moved your belongings back to your dorm. In your trunk you will find a vial of dreamless sleep. Please, see that you take it tonight."

"Yes, sir."

You still have Snape, Luna's words hung in the air, but they felt sour now. Like a mocking hope of what could be. He was probably being punished for speaking with Luna. It doesn't matter, he chided himself, it doesn't matter.

Harry would never know that Snape wanted nothing more than to play a simple game of chess with a student whose pain was more than palpable. But Dark Marks cared not where one was or what one was doing. They simply summoned their slaves.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

A/N Special thanks to my Beta Graenr! For more information about this story, I send you happily to the IPS group,

http.//groups(dot) yahoo(dot)com/group/inplainsight

I hope you enjoy, and ACCIO REVIEWS .


	17. Night

"I'm waiting for the night to fall

When everything is bearable

And there in the still

All that you feel, is tranquility." Depeche Mode

SSSSSSSSSS

"My Lord," Snape said, bowing low before his dark master.

"SssSeverusss," Voldemort hissed. "You're late."

"I am sorry, my Lord. The school…" he started, but was cut off.

"The SssSchool comes SssSecond," the Dark Lord sneered. "I am your first priority, SssSeverusss."

"My Lord, I beg your forgiveness," Severus pleaded, hoping tonight was not the night he died.

"ENOUGH!" Voldemort declared. "I did not summon you to hear your excuses. I want your report."

"Of course, my Lord," Severus agreed. It was a bad sign that he had not been asked to rise. 

"Where is the boy?!"

"I…I do not know, my Lord, the old fool is tight lipped about the miscreant's location."

"You have not learned anything this past month?" the Dark Lord's voice was dangerously low. The anger contained in those few words washed over Severus like molten lava.

"The fool spews lies, sir," Severus quickly replied. "He claims the brat is with his son. But the old man has no children."

Eyes to the ground, Severus heard the Dark Lord draw a deep breath.

"SssSeverusss, rise." 

Trying to hide the faint tremor that was running rampant in his body, Severus stood up. Daring a look up, he saw Voldemort take his seat on his gilded throne. 

"SssSeverus, my child," Voldemort said evenly, "I understand your desire to please me, but you go too far."

Severus looked down, wondering quickly how to handle the situation. While apologetic was usually the norm, overly done angered the Dark Lord to homicidal tendencies. Before he could calculate his next move, the Dark Lord spoke again.

"It is _not_ your place to interpret. You are SssSimply to bring me the information you find."

"I did not want to waste your time with lies."

"It is not your time to waste. Already you have cost me a month," Voldemort yelled. Taking a breath, he continued more calmly, "Your eagerness pleases me, that alone saves you tonight, but I expect you to learn your lesson well. I will not tolerate future mistakes."

"Yes, my lord," Severus said, bowing his head.

"Very well, SssSeverusss," Voldemort said, waving a dismissive hand.

Severus let go a breath he was not aware he had been holding. Tentatively he turned to leave.

"SssSeverusss."

"My Lord," Severus said, feeling his blood turn cold. He knew it wouldn't be so easy. He watched the Dark Lord rise from his throne and cross the room, coming dangerously close to Severus.

"I know you will be remorseful over your actions tonight. I want you to leave here without guilt looming over you. It is of no use to have a spy that is preoccupied, is it?"

Severus found he could not answer.

Voldemort's scaly finger drew up Severus' chin. "I will punish you tonight, and then it will be done with. I think we both know you will feel much better after you have done your penance."

"You are too kind, my Lord," Severus choked out. "Thank you."

"It is why I am your Master," Voldemort cooed.

It was the worst part of night, the time when he stumbled over every rock, where every branch seemed to slap his body and remind him of his mistakes. It was the time of night when his body lost all of its grace and he was left raw and exposed. 

Gazing up, he saw the castle in the distance and tried to focus his mind on how to get to his chambers unnoticed. He would not appear weak in front of the headmaster. He didn't deserve the kindness it would provoke. Just as he would not take a potion tonight. He was meant to suffer. He had chosen to suffer. He would not allow the old man to see him sway.

He stopped to rest, leaning against a heavy oak tree. His limbs were weak, and he felt himself slide down the trunk. Alone, in the dark, he felt fifteen again. This time, however, instead of knowing the war would be quick, he felt it would last forever. This time his battle wounds disgusted instead of delighted him.

He wanted nothing more than to climb into his bed and report to Dumbledore tomorrow, but it would have to be tonight. Dumbledore's alleged son would need all the protection they could muster. And so, with heavy footsteps, he made his way to the castle, trying all the way to still the tremor that vibrated though his body.

SSSSSSS

"So, you are back in the pit again?" 

"Looks that way," Harry said, looking down at his trunk. Somewhere inside was the dreamless sleep.

"Good to have you back, mate," Theo said, clapping Harry's back. "Say, I heard you ask Snape for a game of chess. I have a board if you want to play."

Harry had no real desire to play chess. He didn't even want a game with Snape, just the opportunity to talk. Not that he was going to tell Theo that. "Sure, I guess. But I must tell you I am utterly bollocks at the game."

"Why, Neil," Theo said, with mock horror, "Everyone knows a Slytherin is the best at everything they do."

"And if they are not?"

"They simply play against a sub par player."

"Or claim the winner cheats," Blaise added.

"Ah, Unofficial Slytherin Rule number 7. When bested, the winner cheated," Theo sang out. 

Harry reluctantly joined the two at the table and took the place of white. He knew he had to be more careful. He couldn't risk letting others in, when the cost of his friendship could mean death. He had to keep a distance. It was hard, but it had to be done. Throughout the game, he found himself faking smiles and laughing on cue. 

Dumbledore knew how dangerous it was for anyone to be Harry's friend, and yet he had wanted him to focus on making friends in Slytherin. It didn't make any sense. 

Harry pondered the rationale while trying to decide what chess piece to move. The game had only been on for a few moments and Harry could already tell he was losing.

After moving a particularly hostile piece, Harry realized that the headmaster never said, make friends. Maybe he was in Slytherin to make allies. There wasn't much in the way of help Harry could give presently to his dorm mates, but when the war was fully on, and they defected to the light, he could vouch for them and maybe make the transition easier.

It reminded him a little too much of Uncle Vernon's thinking, he was always trying to network. Harry had always thought it was best simply to be friends with people, not use them the way he had seen his uncle do. Did Slytherins even make friends?

Maybe that was the key, Harry realized. Maybe he could be friends with the Slytherins, but not expect them to be his friend in return. He could help them, but never let them in. Not truly. That way everyone was safe.

"Checkmate," Theo said, although it came as no surprise to Harry to see that he had lost.

"Wow, you really are bollocks at chess," Blaise commented.

Harry shrugged his shoulders.

"Are you certain you were sorted into Slytherin?" Theo asked, still looking at the game.

"No, Gryffindor," Harry deadpanned. "I just got lost on my way to the table."

"Very funny," Theo said mockingly. "We have to do something about your abysmal playing. Let it not be said that there was a Slytherin that could not scheme."

"Actually, I think I am getting the hang of it."

"Blaise, take over black," Theo said, standing up and moving over to Harry's side of the table. 

"Two to one?" Blaise complained.

"We've got to teach the kid or else he will lose to a Hufflepuff."

Blaise seemed to agree. Harry watched as Theo cast a silencing spell around them. Turning to Harry he said, "Let the game begin."

With his newfound sense of strategy, Harry allowed himself to enjoy the game. Briefly he wondered why Ron had never thought to teach him more about chess. It doesn't matter he 

reminded himself. Quickly he found himself so absorbed in the chess match and what Theo was teaching him that he never saw Draco slip quietly from the room.

Draco knocked softly on the potion master's door. 

There was no answer. Maybe he was not back from the meeting yet, Draco thought darkly. He turned then to take a seat near the door. 

"Mr. Malfoy," Snape said, breaking Draco out of a silent reverie. "Why are you not in bed?"

"I was waiting for you," Draco replied. "I wanted to talk to you."

"It is late, Mr. Malfoy."

"It won't take long, promise."

"Very well," Snape conceded. "Follow me."

Together they walked silently to Snape's private study. Once in the study, Draco took the initiative to summon Lacy, the house elf he knew Snape to use, and order a tea service. Using the manners his mother drilled into him, Draco served his professor a cup of tea and a plate of cookies.

"Cookies, Draco?" Snape inquired, raising an eyebrow, "Why do I feel these might be a bribe."

"They're not, sir." Draco replied, trying to sound offended.

The professor simply kept staring.

Reaching into his pocket, Draco brought out the vial. "I brought you this, sir."

"A potion," Snape said sarcastically, "because we all know I would never have access to potions. Pray tell, what kind is it?"

"Analgesic. A mild one."

"If you are trying to poison me, Draco, I might just let you."

"I'm not, sir." Draco exhaled._This isn't working_, he thought to himself.

Snape reached over and took the vial out of his student's hands. He was surprised by the fact that it bore his seal. Draco had brought him one of his own potions. Quietly he asked, "Why did you bring this to me?"

"I know there was a meeting tonight."

"Yes, your father would tell you about that, but that still does not answer my question."

"I know how he is. The Dark Lord."

Snape let the words hang in the air. He watched as Draco nervously wrung his hands in his lap, clearly thinking what to say next.

"Is this something you do regularly for your father, fetch him potions after a meeting?" Snape challenged.

"No," Draco spat. "But Slytherins have a rule. No pain. You make sure we obey it. I just thought..."

Snape wanted to remind Draco that Lucius was Slytherin as well, but decided it was the fatigue screaming. Snape idly looked at the vial in his hands. He wondered what the boy was up to, what this visit was really about. Instantly he ran through all the normal plots, poisoning, to engage a favor, to inspire forgiveness. None of them rang true. Instead, Severus saw a piece of himself in the boy. He wanted to be of value. 

Methodically he broke the seal on the vial. It was really not the right kind of potion to take after what had transpired. It would not banish the pain, but it would help Draco. And so, he drank it down.

He looked steadily at Draco. The child was bright. He could easily be a potions master or barrister. It was a wonder the hat had placed him in the snakes' nest when the child's intelligence screamed Ravenclaw. No, Snape thought shaking his head mutely, he was beaten into Slytherin by a father who had no idea of the prodigy he had created. A father who had taught his son early on to hide his heart deep and never let it out. 

But Draco was full of surprises.

"I guess I should go now. Goodnight, sir."

Draco turned to leave, but Snape caught him by the shoulder. Shyly Draco turned back to face his professor. The hand on his shoulder gripped harder, almost hurting, but not quite. Draco could not help but look into those black eyes. They were intense and distant almost as if the professor was looking at Draco, then through him and beyond. As if he could see all of Draco's life, past and present.

Draco sucked in his breath, unable to look away.

"He doesn't know what he throws away," the voice was low and gravelly, it didn't sound like Snape at all.

"Sir?" 

"How can he not see you?" Snape answered, but not to any question Draco had thought to pose. 

The blond tuned his eyes away, looking intently on the floor. He felt his eyes grow warm. It was too personal, Snape looking at him like this, talking like this. He didn't know if he could stand it. 

The vise-like grip moved to pull the boy forward. The sudden movement caused Draco to flinch unconsciously away from the man in front of him. Embarrassed by his overreaction, Draco stammered, "Sorry, sir, I, um, should be going."

He didn't wait for permission to leave or any acknowledgement, Draco simply fled. Once he reached the common room, he let out a sigh of relief. Squaring his shoulders, he made himself calmly walk into his dorm.

Draco climbed into his bed. Thankfully, all the others were sleeping. He drew the curtains tight around his bed and lay down, still dressed in his school robes. Turning on his side, he subconsciously grabbed his pillow and hugged it tightly to his chest. His mind was still focused onSnape sitting in his study and the look those black eyes had held. He had seen that look before, other children might receive such a look, but not a Malfoy. Adults did not look down on him with eyes filled with pride…and love.

He knew, even though he had flinched, that Snape wasn't pulling him close to hit him. Snape was trying to hug him. Draco only wished he had the courage to let Snape. But he was not used to such things. Besides, he chided himself, best not get used to things that can never be.

SSSSSSSSSS

"Where were you last night Draco? I could have used your help. Theo and Neil teamed up on me in chess."

Draco raised an eyebrow as he stared at Harry, "Joining in on the festivities? I thought you had decided to become a ghost."

Before Harry could respond, Theo said, "Nice try, Draco, evading the question like that, but where were you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Draco sneered.

"Touchy," Blaise said, holding up his hands. "I guess Parkinson wasn't in the mood."

"I wasn't with her," Draco snapped. "If you must know, I was talking with Snape."

Harry looked up in surprise, "You were with Snape?"

"I just said so, didn't I?" Draco replied.

Harry felt a pang of jealousy over the blond's admission. So Snape would rather talk to Draco. That made sense. Snape was closer to Draco, he had been his head of house all these years. Besides, he reminded himself, it was probably all some sort of punishment for talking to Luna. It didn't matter. Snape wasn't his friend. Snape could never be his friend. All Harry could hope for was to be Snape's ally. 

"So, Neil, do you think you could get your head out of the clouds today and give Crooks the book?" Draco asked.

It took a moment for Harry to decode what was being asked. "I thought you were going to send it with a note?"

"No game," Draco said, filling up his breakfast plate, "She is too smart. She will figure it out and then all hell will break loose."

"Alright, then," Harry said. "I'll do it right after defense."

To that, Draco smiled widely, "Brilliant."

SSSSSSSSSS

Defense against the Dark Arts was quickly becoming Harry's worst class. It was hard to concentrate when he was faced with his past life moving on without him. There were his friends, learning from a man who might as well be family. And there he sat, trying to pretend he was a stranger who knew nothing about them. Some days it was a trial just to get through class not calling out 'Remus'.

To make matters worse, Remus preferred practical lessons. He also enjoyed mixing the houses, in some vain attempt to promote house unity. So far, Harry had been lucky, but today his luck had changed. He was now facing Ron at wand point, practicing the Confundus charm to boot. He would have feigned a headache to get out of class, had he not promised to deliver Draco's book to Hermione.

Harry couldn't wait for night to come. When he was safely in his bed, behind the heavy curtains and a silencing spell, he could be Harry again. He could pretend that when he opened the bed curtains, he would find Gryffindor tower. Ron would complain that he was hungry and they would miss breakfast. He could pretend Hermione was banging on the door, demanding to know if they had finished their essays. When the night came and everyone else faded away, Harry could pretend Sirius was still a fireplace away. 

The only problem was that the wishing made it more painful. To wish for Sirius meant that he was a murderer. To know he was dead. Harry realized even his fantasies were punishments, all reminders of what was and could not be again.

Harry should have known, that given the chance, Ron would take advantage of a Slytherin in a class drill. But as it was, Harry was too confounded to understand that he had just been blasted across the room by a forcefully cast spell. All he knew was that his head hurt, rather badly, and for some strange reason, he couldn't say Ron's name.

"Ronald!" Hermione yelled.

Harry saw a blond haired boy kneel down next to him. For some reason, Harry thought about a rodent and started laughing.

"What are you playing at, Weasel," Draco challenged.

"Mind your own, Ferret," Ron spat back.

The animal references made Harry laugh even harder.

"Professor, Neil was hurt," Hermione said, trying to get the professor's attention.

"Neil, is it now?" Ron said, turning an angry shade of red.

"Honestly, Ron," Hermione sighed.

"Well, she is smart, I mean it was only a matter of time before she realized how poor you are," Draco replied.

"You're just pissed because a poor Gryffindor just bested one of your housemates!"

"You wish." 

Just then, the professor arrived. Harry couldn't get the image of a weasel, a ferret, a poofy cat and now a wolf out of his head. He never thought he would breathe again.

"Exactly what spell did you use, Mr. Weasley?" Lupin asked.

"The Confundus charm, like you instructed," Ron said, deflating a little.

"No, you didn't," Hermione corrected, "You know you were not supposed to put that much force behind it! You could have given him a concussion."

"Wow, Weasel, not even your housemates stand up for you."

"At least they are not afraid of me."

"Gentlemen, unless you wish to serve detentions, I suggest you stop at once." Once the students had stopped their bickering, Lupin cast the counter spell. 

At once the laughter died on Harry's lips as he stared up at the worried expressions on his friends' faces. Harry let out an audible gulp as he realized he had just grouped Draco into 'his friends'.

"Mr. Cain, how do you feel?" Remus asked softly.

"Fine, sir," he replied, realizing this was the closest he had been to Remus in months. "I'm alright. I didn't really hit my head that hard."

"Very well then, Mr. Cain, if you are up to it please cast the charm onMr. Weasley," he said, before turning to Ron, "And since you demonstrated you were able to perform the spell, Mr. Weasley, no more attempts for you today."

Ron gave a disheartened 'yes, sir,' while Draco let out a small snicker.

It took Harry four tries to get the spell to work on Ron. While it was a spell that Harry had taught the D.A. last year, he tried to make it look like it was the first time he had ever used it. It also helped kill time.

"All right, everyone, that should do it for this class. Please read the next chapter in your text. I also want a one-foot essay on the effects of repeated use of this spell on a person. In addition, let's say one point to each student who performed the spell correctly and two points to Mr. Cain for being a good sport. Class dismissed."

Harry had already arranged for the other Slytherins not to wait for him after Defense, since it was no secret that Ron and Hermione tended linger and talk with Professor Lupin. Harry took his time packing up his books and taking Draco's gift out. 

Finally, Hermione and Ron started to walk his way.

"Are you alright, Neil?"

"Yes."

"Sorry bout earlier, mate," Ron said, sheepishly looking back over at Professor Lupin. "Honestly, I thought you saw my wand."

"It's alright, I wasn't really paying attention. I, um, wanted to talk to you...Hermione."

"Really," she said, as Ron joined her.

"That book you gave me, Hogwarts, a History."

"Blimey, she's got you reading that too," Ron said, shocked.

"Not really, my friend wanted to read it, he really liked it, and thought, well," Harry stumbled. "He said it was kind of unfair for you to lose a book, so he wanted you to have this one. A trade, he thought you might like it."

Hermione took the offered book and let out a small gasp, "A Hidden History, are you sure he meant to give me this?"

"He just said that, 'Mione," Ron answered.

"You don't understand. This book is rare. Some people even say it is a myth. There is no way I could keep this."

"He was rather specific about it," Harry replied.

"Well, tell him I am honored, but I can't accept it," she said starting to give it back. "Well, I will give it back, after I read it. Please tell him thank you, Neil."

"I will. I've got to go, or I will be late for class," Harry said, standing up.

SSSSSSSSSS

"I just don't think it was a good idea, Draco," Harry said quietly. "She said the book was incredibly rare."

"You don't think I know that?" Draco replied, slightly miffed. "I will have you know that my family owns three copies of that book."

"This isn't about showing off, Draco," Harry stressed. "I mean what if someone sees her reading it. Wouldn't they be able to trace it back to you?"

"Not a chance. No one would believe that I gave a pureblood book to a mudblood," Draco said, shrugging it off. "So tell me again, she really liked it."

Harry knew that Draco felt he was in love with Hermione, but the word mudblood still hurt. Even if it was just to prove a point.

"She was practically speechless," Harry confided "Although she said it was far too valuable to be given away. She said she would return it as soon as she is done reading it."

"If she tries, don't accept it."

"I kind of think you should let her return it. It might be safer that way."

"Neil," Draco sighed heavily. "I will think about it alright."

Harry wanted to tell him that there wouldn't be much time to think about it. With the way Hermione read books; she would probably be done with it by breakfast tomorrow.

"So tell me more, what else did she say?" Draco asked eagerly.

Harry took a deep breath and was about to tell Draco, for what felt like the seventeenth time, what Hermione had said when Snape interrupted them. 

"Mr. Cain, a word please."

Harry stood up and followed Snape over to the armchairs. When Snape sat down, Harry chose to remain standing.

"Was there something you need to talk to me about, sir?"

"Indeed. I understand that earlier today you hit your head in Defense."

"It was just a bump, I am fine,sir," Harry said quickly, reminding himself that distance was better. He was not going to let Snape get close. 

"Hmm," Snape said noncommittally. "The boy who bespelled you, Weasley, was he acting in a malicious manner?"

"No, sir. He had drawn his wand, I just kind of spaced out a bit and didn't see it coming."

"Spaced out?" Snape repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"I just wasn't paying attention. He apologized for it. It's all right, sir honest."

"How was your sleep last night? Did you take the potion?"

"I slept fine, sir." Harry replied, before realizing he had not taken the potion, nor had he dreamed. "I didn't take it."

"No nightmares?" Snape asked, voice low.

Harry just shook his head. 

"You may keep it in your trunk for now, Mr. Cain, but I advise against taking it tonight, since you did not see Madam Pomfrey in regards to your head."

"Yes, sir."

"Very well. In the future, do try to pay more attention in class."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, turning to leave.

"Mr. Cain, if you wish, I am free tonight to finish that chess game."

"Oh," Harry said, surprised. He really wanted to play with Snape, just to be near him, maybe even talk a little more. But that was being selfish. It didn't matter what he needed or wanted. What mattered, he reminded himself, was that the people close to him were safe. "I, um, have to finish studying, maybe another time."

"Another time then."

"Sure," Harry replied, trying to sound optimistic. "Is that all, sir?"

"One more thing, I have designed a potions tutorial for you this coming Saturday. Please meet me in the potion classroom after lunch."

"Tutorial, sir?"

"You did inform me of your decision to attempt to sit for the Healer's entrance exam, did you not?"

Harry mutely nodded his head. That felt like forever ago.

"Then I will be seeing you this Saturday. Goodnight, Mr. Cain."

"Goodnight, sir." Harry said dejectedly. How was he supposed to avoid Snape if the man insisted that they work together? It doesn't matter, he reminded himself. He could just deflect anything personal and keep the conversation to potions alone. The only problem was, Snape was a tricky man.

SSSSSSSSSSS

A/N As usual, thanks to Graenr for the wonderful job Betaing. I am so honored to say that this story has pasted the 100,000 hit marks. Last chapter was the most reviewed to date. And for Victorian Lace, the cookies were good.


	18. subtleties

"Your subtleties they strangle me,

I can't explain myself at all

And all the wants, and all the needs

All I don't want to need at all.

Walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving

Maybe its best you leave me alone." All American Rejects.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The past two weeks had been a blur of classes and chess games. It gave Harry a unique insight into the world of Slytherin. Playing a walking, breathing, living game of chess with real people was hard. He felt like he was perpetually in check.

The only small amount of fun he allowed himself was when the four of them played together on the board. With Theo's help, he found he was becoming a stronger player. He was sure Ron would still be able to wipe him off the board, but Harry felt that with a little more practice he would be able to hold his own against Blaise.

He felt guilty about having fun while playing those games. He tried to reason that it was all right, since he was allowed to be their friend. The difficulty was in trying to keep the other boys from becoming his.

In a way, it was easy to keep Theo, Blaise and Draco out of the main areas of his life. He couldn't tell them he was really Harry Potter and all that included. What Harry was having trouble accepting was how much about a person was given away in mundane daily activities, like pancakes being Theo's favorite food, or what kind of books Draco read when he thought no one was looking, or how Blaise doodled dying stick figures in the margins of his textbooks.

There were smaller tells too, things that just living with the Slytherins revealed. Harry learned that after receiving a missive from home Theo always started to bite his nails and work on his wood projects. Draco had a way of looking remorseful after saying something particularly harsh to a student from another house, but only when they were alone. Blaise always tensed up in potions class when Snape made his way over to grade their brewing.

Then there was Snape. He was still a git in class, always verbally slicing students, non-Slytherins of course, down for the smallest mistakes. Even in watching that display from both sides, Harry could see other things hidden as well. Whenever Snape yelled at a student in close range, his arms were tucked neatly into his sides. The only time he flailed them about was when he was across the room. Like a subliminal message that no one would get hurt. Well, at least not physically.

Snape was still unjust in point taking. Now that he was a Slytherin, Harry thought he understood. Who knew that Hagrid was even more biased? There was not a day in Care 

of Magical Creatures that Slytherin did not lose a handful of points. After a long day of being taunted as evil, and unfairly penalized, it was nice to be able to call one class home.

Furthermore, it was rather difficult to fear a professor that worried over every scrape and fed you hot chocolate when you had bad dreams. And so, just like all of his house mates, Harry felt a genuine respect for his head of house. More so than he had ever felt for Professor McGonagall, _Merlin help him._

Harry realized, as he accepted a napkin wrapped brownie from Theo, that the others were obviously noticing things about him too. Harry wasn't sure what he could do about the little things. It was hard enough to maintain the delicate balance of a one-sided friendship. Besides, what harm was there in having the other boys know he favored brownies? It wasn't like he had told the other boys how much he liked them. In fact, he told the other boys very little. There were only so many conversations he could deflect, and Snape was taking all his energy.

Last Saturday's potion tutorial had been sheer hell. Snape kept getting that particular look in his eyes, the one that Harry had learned preceded a personal question. Harry tried to prevent the questions from coming by asking questions of his own. It was hard, after all he didn't want Snape to think he was stupid. He had spent so much time trying to ask smart questions that Harry wasn't too sure what the actual potion they had brewed was.

If Snape was on to his game, he didn't show it. Snape had simply assigned him another tutorial, next Saturday. While it made Harry's life easier, he had to admit, if only to himself, that he had wished the potion master had pressed just a little bit harder.

Harry had finished breakfast quickly. It was going to be a long day, and he wanted some fresh air before his potions tutorial began. He was surprised to find that Theo had followed him outside. They didn't talk till Harry reached his destination, the tree overlooking the lake. Theo looked around before pulling out his wand and casting a one-sided silencing charm. Harry noted it was the silencing charm of choice amongst the Slytherins. You could hear what was going on around you, but others wouldn't be able to hear you.

"You are a tough one to figure out," Theo said, after some time.

"How do you mean?"

"Well, at first, you just seemed shy. But now…"

"Now?" Harry asked nervously.

"Well, it's like you are trying to, I don't know, be friendly but distant at the same time."

Harry let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "I don't mean to."

"That's the thing, I think you do."

It wasn't a challenge, just a stated fact. And it made Harry feel all the worse.

"I've just had a lot on my mind."

"I know," Theo remarked, "I keep trying to remember what it was like my first year here. I don't think I trusted anyone. I understand. But it doesn't have to be like that."

Harry was quite sure that it did have to be that way. As a matter of fact he had the Headmaster's word for it. Tensely he bit his lip.

"Look, Neil, I am not trying to push you or anything, it's just that you can't keep it in, you know. Snape says it's like a toxin. If you don't let it out, it will find a way itself."

"Theo, I am fine really," Harry said, feeling he was far too weak to be having this conversation. Hell, if Snape showed up right now he might just spill everything. Instantly he reminded himself of what that would do. It would alienate him even more. Snape hated Harry, and he was Harry.

"Do you know about me? I mean, have the others said anything?" Theo asked, voice low.

Harry mutely shook his head.

"It's bad, at my house. Real bad. Snape, he kept trying to help me, but like I said, that first year I didn't trust him. Figured he was just like my dad. But Snape, he just kept trying, and I just kept shutting him out. It wasn't until third year that I started to trust him. By then though, the toxins were…"

Theo trailed off and Harry let him, not knowing how to probefurther. After several moments, Theo took a deep breath and said, rather bluntly, "I'm a cutter."

"I don't understand," Harry said softly, he wasn't sure what a cutter was, but it didn't sound good.

"When I get really stressed out, I cut myself with my pen knife. I mean I used to. I haven't in a while. I'm getting better, but I used to. All the time."

Harry's eyes went wide. "Why?"

"It helped. There was just so many….toxins in me. Cutting let them out. It made them stop. For a while anyway."

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"No. Not really. It just feels different. It makes everything else go away, and all you can feel is the throb of the cut. It kind of feels like someone is just rocking you."

There was a small comfortable silence then, while both boys looked out on the lake.

"You think I'm nutters?"

"No," Harry said. He could feel his stomach knot up. "I…I think I know what you mean."

Theo looked sharply at him then. "Are you?"

"No," Harry said quickly. "But sometimes, I just wish something would happen, something bad would happen to me. To force me to focus on something else, so I could forget." He felt his eyes starting to prickle.

"You should talk to Snape," Theo said quietly. "He knows about these things. I swear you can trust him."

"You trust him that much?" Harry asked

Theo nodded his head.

"I heard he was, you know…"

"He is," Theo confirmed.

"Then how can you trust him?"

"You have to promise not to repeat this to anyone," Theo said darkly. When Harry promised, Theo continued, "Once you become a Death Eater, you are always a Death Eater. The only way out is death. My father is a Death Eater. As evil as they come. But Snape," he said, shaking his head "I can't see it. It just doesn't wash."

"What do you mean?"

"The summer after fourth year, my father was in a particularly bad mood. He was crazy. I though he was going to kill me. When I returned to school, I was a mess. I had started cutting. It got so bad I couldn't tell the whip marks from the marks I had made myself. So I return to school, and Snape was livid. But not with me. He actually blamed himself. Said he should have known. He told me I wouldn't be returning."

Theo let out a snort, "I didn't believe him, I mean here it is September and already Snape is telling me what is going to happen come June. I couldn't see past the day, let alone the school year. I figured Snape would just forget about me.

"I think I hold the record for most time spent in 'the room' of any Slytherin last year. Probably more time collectively than any Slytherin in the history of 'the room.'"

"So Snape didn't forget about you?" Harry softly asked.

"I thought he had. But at the beginning of June he calls me into his office and tells me that he has arranged for me to go abroad in the summer, to make some connections with wizards who might share our common goals.

"He had worked it out with my dad, who thought it was a brilliant plan. Finally his failure of a son would be able to present something of value to the Dark Lord."

"I don't understand, I thought you went to a dragon preserve?" Harry questioned.

Theo let out a chuckle. "I did. You know Ron Weasley? The prat that knocked you out in Defense?"

Harry nodded his head.

"I ended up staying with his brother Charlie. Here I was told to recruit dark wizards and I am being housed with one of the staunchest supporters of the light!

The first two weeks were hell. I was hell. I like to know the limits, you know, like what is going to result in a punch, what comment might get me a kick. But Charlie, he was so mellow. Nothing really rattled__him. I remember messing up really bad towards the end of the second week. I was screaming at him that he was a blood traitor, a mudblood loving fool. Every name I could think of. I could tell I was getting to him, his face was flushing and his hands were just stiff, as if he wanted to clench them up."

"What happened?"

"He took a breath, walked over to me, then he…he hugged me. He said I was safe there, and he knew all about me. Snape had told him everything. He said I could drop the act and enjoy the summer, or I could continue acting like a prat."

"So that's when you knew you could trust Snape?"

"Not quite. I dropped the act, but I still kept my guard up. At the end of the month, his twin brothers, George and Fred, sent him this prank. It might not sound like much, but you have to know those two. They are bloody crazy. The stuff they would pull at school. Not evil pranks, nothing like that, just crazy shite. Funny as hell, as long as you weren't the stooge."

Harry felt a smile tug at his mouth. He knew the twins.

"Anyway, they pulled this prank on Charlie, some potion soaked parchment. Gave him zebra stripes," Theo said, giggling, "rainbow colored zebra stripes."

"What did Charlie do?"

"He was livid. Slammed his fist on the table, started calling the twins every name in the book. He stormed over to the mirror to see the damage. It only made him madder. Finally, he storms back over to the table where I was sitting and just stares at me hard. "This is it, I figure. He is going to blame me. Sure enough, he says 'well'. I start to tell him that I had nothing to do with it, but he cuts me off. He goes, 'You're a Slytherin, right?' So, I nod my head. 'They say Slytherins are supposed to be good at scheming and hexes.' I didn't know what to do, so I just nodded my head. He just looks at me some more, like he is expecting something from me. Finally, he just says "Well?'. So I tell him I had nothing to do with it. Honest. Then he just starts laughing and says 'I know that. What are we going to do to get them back?'" Theo started laughing.

"What did you do to them?" Harry asked, laughing as well.

"Nothing that won't happen to Ron if he knocks you over again," The said with a smirk, before continuing, "Anyway, that's when I knew I could trust Snape. Of all the places he could have sent me, he sent me off to spend the summer with Charlie Weasley. Think about it, if he was really a Death Eater, wouldn't he send me back home, or at least to another Death Eater's house? Instead of being indoctrinated, I was placed in the light."

"Maybe he just wanted it to look that way. Maybe there were Death Eaters nearby," Harry said, playing the devil's advocate. Not because he didn't trust Snape, but because he knew he had to look skeptical.

"There weren't," Theo said, shaking his head. "I did make connections though. Charlie said that if I ever needed a place to stay, he would take me in. He even offered to hide me if my father tries to have me initiated before I come of age."

Harry's love for the Weasley clan grew leaps and bounds.

"Don't say anything about Charlie, even to Ron," Theo said, becoming grave. "I don't want them to be in danger because of me."

That was a feeling Harry was all too familiar with. "I won't, I promise."

"Snape can help you, Neil," Theo continued. "I know he can. Talk to him."

Before Harry could respond, a bright laugh erupted from across the lawn. Looking up, Harry recognized several Gryffindors. A girl and boy appeared to be playing tag around blanket that was spread out on the grass. Several other students were sitting down, drinking what looked like butterbeer. They all seemed so carefree. All so sure of their safety.

"Sometimes, I don't think I was ever that young," Theo murmured.

"Me neither," Harry whispered back. "It would have been nice."

"I can't imagine it," Theo commented flatly, but under it, Harry could hear the comment ring true of the future.

"No? They say time heals all wounds."

"True," Theo acknowledged, "But some scars never fade."

SSSSSSSSSS

Harry wanted to be buoyed by Theo's words. He wanted to let Snape in. Perhaps if he was just another boy, it could be that way. But it was not to be. He was at his core, Harry Bloody Potter. A boy Snape hated. Furthermore, the Headmaster had practically told him that he was here to make allies. He was being punished. Harry couldn't get comfortable.

Harry realized that he wanted to make Dumbledore proud. He would show the Headmaster that he could be redeemed, he would take his punishment stoically and form the allies that the others would need when the war started. Harry was used to being alone, but these past two weeks showed Harry something far more isolating than his worst days at the Dursleys. It was far worse in his mind to be surrounded by friends and not allowed be close to them. But, 'it didn't matter,' he reminded himself, 'It didn't matter.'

Harry stoically chopped his potion ingredients. He ground the seeds and he sliced the roots, all the while chanting mentally that it simply didn't matter.

"Are you going to tell me what I did?" Snape asked quietly.

"Sir?" Harry stammered, rocked out of his thoughts.

Snape just stared intently at him.

"Mr. Cain, have I upset you in some way?"

"No, sir," Harry stammered.

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not," Harry said, shocked. "I am here."

Snape waved a dismissive hand, "Only by force, I am sure. I was wondering if, by chance, it had anything to do with that night you asked me to play chess. However you do not strike me as a petty child."

"No, sir, I know about that," Harry said. "It's all right."

"Don't appease me," Snape grumbled

"I know about Draco," Harry said quietly.

"Ah, there in lies the problem. I suppose Draco would tell you about the meeting," Snape said sadly, before continuing. "I assure you, you have nothing to fear from me."

Harry wondered about the meeting briefly before it hit home. Snape had been to a Death Eater meeting that night.

"I understand you come from a light family, Mr. Cain, and have no desire to deviate from that path. All I ask is that you remember the rule of Slytherin. Respect. I will respect your choices, and as your head of house I will help you to the best of my abilities. Do not labor under the misconception that my outside loyalties will interfere with that duty."

Harry felt his mouth go dry. He had known that Snape was a spy. He hadn't believed it at first, didn't want to trust it then, but now he knew the truth. Harry looked up at the professor, and perhaps for the first time caught a real glimpse of what his life must be like. Looking into those dark orbs Harry remembered that he should have been fearful of Legilimens, but suddenly he wasn't. Snape was honorable. He had given his word and Harry didn't think he could look away even if he wanted to.

He wondered how Snape did it. How was he able to live such a double life? What Harry really wanted to know was if it got easier. If with time, it hurt less. He wondered if the man felt like he would just disappear sometimes, as Harry did when he looked too long into the mirror. But most of all, Harry wanted to ask, if in the end, it made a difference. If it would all matter.

It was a long silence, each lost in their own thoughts. It was Snape who gently broke the trance.

"I understand if it is too great a leap of faith, Mr. Cain. Professor Sinistra can…"

"I trust you," Harry blurted out, ashamed that it had taken this long to say it. Clenching his eyes, he wished he had realized that years ago. Maybe then Sirius would still be alive.

Dumbledore had told him he could trust Snape. Harry shook his head in defeat. His stubbornness made him a murderer. He could feel the tears tugging at his heart.

"Mr Cain, what is it?"

"I…I just have a lot on my mind," Harry said with a weak voice.

"Have there been more dreams?"

Harry let out a nervous laugh. "No. That seems to be the only thing going for me."

"Tell me," Snape softly pleaded.

"I'm all right," Harry replied, scared of how frail his voice sounded.

"Don't close up on me," Snape whispered.

"I…I…It's a long story."

"The potion needs to simmer," Snape stated simply.

Harry clenched his eyes shut. He had told himself he wouldn't let Snape in, but he could feel his resolve weakening.

"Talking helped with the dreams, Neil. Talk to me, let me help."

Neil. There it was the word, the name that condemned him. If Dumbledore felt he deserved it, wouldn't Snape? Snape would hate him for what happened to Sirius and Cedric even if he wasn't Harry Bloody Potter.

And suddenly that made all the difference. He wanted Snape to know what happened. He needed his professor, who had already defied all expectations, to look at him with disgust. He needed to know Snape would hate him. No matter what, Harry knew he couldn't give his identity away. But maybe Luna was right. He could simply change small pieces around.

"I killed someone," Harry said low.

"Did you?" Snape's voice held no emotion.

"I didn't mean too," Harry said quickly. He needed Snape to know he felt bad about it. "It was an accident." Harry took a deep breath and continued, "I have this …friend. He blames me for it."

"What happened?"

"Last year, I went to town, I heard my…um, Uncle was there. Not the one I live with but another one." Harry knew he was rambling, but he couldn't stop. "I wanted to go. I thought he was in trouble. But he wasn't. I was just stupid. And when…my Uncle found me, we were attacked. He died. I didn't want him to die. I didn't mean for it to happen. If I hadn't gone…He wouldn't have come looking for me." Harry's breathing had become rough. He could feel hot tears falling down his face.

"And your friend, he blames you for this?"

Harry hiccupped and nodded his head. "He said it wasn't my fault, but then he started calling me this name_**, **_and I found out from another friend that he is really calling me a murderer. And now when I hear from him, that's all I hear. And I don't think he believes that I am sorry I got them killed. But I am. Really, I am sorry."

Harry was crying hard. His breath was ragged, punctuated by hiccups. He knew Snape would throw him out any minute. Although he had wanted to see Snape look at him in disgust, he now found he couldn't look at the man. He was a coward.

Suddenly, strong black arms grabbed him. Instead of being thrown, he was drawn near. Somewhere in the back of Harry's mind, he realized that not even Mrs. Weasley hugged so fiercely.

"Hush now," Snape soothed. "It was not your fault. Hush."

Harry wanted to obey, he wanted to stop crying, but being held so tightly only caused the tears to fall harder. "I'm sorry."

"Shh. It's alright."

Harry knew it was wrong to give in to that wonderful feeling of safety. He was supposed to be being punished, but he couldn't help it, taking a deep breath, he relaxed and cried into Snape's warm arms.

SSSSSS

Severus heard the Floo flare to life. Instantly he cast a spell on the sofa, blocking all sound to his sleeping charge.

"Good afternoon, Severus…what have we here?" Dumbledore inquired, pointing to the boy.

"I am sure you recognize Mr. Cain," Snape said nonchalantly. "Was there something you required?"

"Ah, just a bit of chit chat," Dumbledore replied, equally indifferent.

"If it is merely for that, Headmaster, perhaps we can reschedule."

"Ah, caught an old man in a façade. Smart," Albus said with twinkling eyes. "I actually called on you to discuss Mr. Cain."

Snape arched an eyebrow. "Indeed."

"But first, Severus is there a reason Mr. Cain is asleep on your sofa?"

"He was tired from brewing."

"Yes, yes," Albus said, nodding his head vigorously. "Potion brewing can be incredibly strenuous, particularly on the young. Have you given any thought to giving your students naptime? I could perhaps speak with Minerva and reschedule your classes to allow for a rest period. Maybe the house elves could arrange for cots to be brought in."

Severus, Albus noted, was glaring fiercely.

"Whatever is the matter?" the Headmaster asked innocently.

"Perhaps it would make the children less, how do you put it, 'gigantic dunderheads'?"

"Potions do not require nap time," Severus snapped.

"Just an idea, my boy," Albus said with twinkling eyes.

Severus let out a sigh. He knew he now had to officially tell the Headmaster or fear students sleeping in the classroom. "He appears to be mourning."

"Mourning?" Albus asked, suddenly serious.

"An uncle died last year and it would appear someone blames him for the death. At least that is what I was able to determine."

"An uncle," Albus repeated, knowing it was a Godfather. "What did he tell you?"

"Not much," Severus said, shaking his head. "He became rather upset, started rambling. Do you know anything of it?"

"I had heard that there had been a death in the family last year," Albus started cautiously, walking over to the sleeping boy. "Still mourning?"

"Death is something few recover from in a paltry few months," Severus sneered.

"Of course," Albus agreed, not moving his eyes from the child.

'_What have I done?'_ he asked himself.

"What was it you were here about?" Severus asked sharply. For some reason he no longer cared for the old man's silent reflection.

"Yes..." Albus said, turning to look at Severus, he had come here on business. "I came to tell you I have arranged that trip for Mr. Cain, to visit his parents' grave. I had planned on taking him tomorrow."

Severus nodded his head.

"Perhaps it is too soon," Albus said softly.

"Perhaps," Severus countered, "we should let him make that decision."

Albus silently agreed.

SSSSSSS

It was another hour before Harry woke up. Groggy, he sat up and stretched out his back. He felt so tired, drained really, as if he had just played a marathon game of Quidditch, without the adrenaline high of winning. Looking around, he realized he was in Snape's private rooms. Snape was sitting in the armchair near the fire, reading a potions journal.

"Dinner is on the table, I expect you to eat."

"What time is it?" Harry asked meekly.

"Just past seven," Snape said, closing the magazine.

Harry looked at the tray laden with sandwiches and crisps. He helped himself to a turkey sandwich. "Are you eating as well?"

Snape nodded his head, and picked up a sandwich at random. Harry watched as his professor took a bite and instantly felt uneasy. It seemed like such an intimate thing to be doing, sharing a meal like this. What was wrong with him? It wasn't like he hadn't ever seen Snape eat a meal before. The man was in the great hall practically every day.

Then again, he had never shared a meal with someone who he had just sobbed all over.

"I…I ...um ... am sorry, about earlier."

Snape gave him a sharp look. "There is nothing to apologize for, silly child, you are grieving."

Harry took a small bite of his sandwich.

"Have you let yourself grieve?"

Harry thought of the Headmaster's office, and how he had destroyed it. "It hurts."

"I know," Snape whispered back, "but you need to. Blaming yourself and pushing it away will only eat at you."

"Like toxins," Harry echoed Theo's words.

"Yes," Snape replied. It appeared the boy was at least making some friends in his dorm. "Neil, this friend that blames you, what does he call you?

"It's just a…," Harry's baffled mind was reeling. Thinking on his feet like this had never been his strong suit. "I'd rather not say."

"What type of friend is he?"

Harry didn't quite understand the question. It must have showed because Snape continued. "Is he a mere acquaintance, an ally, or is he someone you have respect for?"

"I respect him," Harry replied solemnly. "He's a good guy."

"Then I suggest you confront him."

"That doesn't sound very Slytherin, sir," Harry said, trying to lighten the mood.

Snape gave him a sharp look. "If it was an acquaintance, I would tell you to ignore him, or exploit him in some way. But seeing asthis is a friend you respect and wish to keep, I believe the best approach would be to call him on his behavior. Perhaps there is a reason for what he is calling you. It is best to flush his true motives out now, rather than allow him to have this power over you."

When Snape put it that way, it did seem Slytherin. Harry let out a nervous laugh, "You always seem to have a plan of action for everything, sir."

"How else are you to get anything done?" Snape said wryly before turning serious again. "What was your uncle's name, the one who died?"

Sirius, Padfoot, Snuffles, Harry's mind screamed. "Uh...Les."

Snape nodded his head. "Have you ever given any thought to writing 'Les' a letter?"

"But he is dead."

"Nothing truly dies," Snape said softly. "I recommend it, as I think it will do you more good than him. This, however, is not like the other exercises you have done. This one is something you have to do on your own time."

"You mean when I am ready," Harry said, feeling his heart drop at the idea of writing Sirius a letter.

Snape nodded his head. "While you were asleep, the Headmaster paid me a visit. He informs me that if you still desire, he will take you to your parents' grave tomorrow."

Harry looked up sharply. Was it true, was he really going to Godric's Hollow? Or did the Headmaster simply want to pull him aside from everyone to yell at him for not bearing his punishment properly?

"Do you still wish to go?"

"Yes," Harry whispered, he knew there was a chance that the Headmaster wouldn't take him, but he was willing to risk it if that meant there was a possibility to see his parents' resting place.

"Very well then, I recommend that you spend the night here, and floo up to the Headmaster's office in the morning."

"Yes, sir."

Snape could see a thousand emotions flash across his charge's face, and thought he could decipher only half. The boy was still closed off. Unlike the other boys in his house, Neil Cain posed a special challenge. He had only the school year to help him. If he couldn't get the boy to open up and trust him, come June the boy would be lost to the outside world.

"It ends tonight," Snape said sternly. "Do you understand. It ends tonight."

"What ends?" Harry said with wide eyes.

"This penchant you have for suffering in silence. It ends now."

"Why do you… care?" Harry murmured.

It was not spoken with malice, as he had heard his other snakes throw the expression around. Quitesimply, it was asked by a child who could not understand anybody, anything actually caring about him. It was said so quietly, so uneasily, that Severus was unsure if he was even supposed to respond. To make matters worse, Severus couldn't explain why he cared. Perhaps it was just that the boy reminded him…. He didn't even know what he reminded him of. On the surface, they shared similarities, but it was more than that. It was more like Neil reminded him of what Hogwarts had been when he was a student. Or at least a part of it, the part that included Lily. The childlike part of him that remained optimistic and bleak at the same time.

He looked on the boy and said answered honestly, "Because I do. It's late, you should retire to the room. If you need me tomorrow, I WILL be here."

Harry gave the potions professor a steady look, and nodded his head. "Yes, sir," he lied. Because he knew, no matter how badly he wanted it, Snape couldn't be there for him.

'It simply didn't matter,' he reminded himself.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

A/N Once again Thank you for all the amazing and wonderful reviews. Graenr I know you have been busy but thanks again for being my soul beta. (is that punny?)

Chapter 19 will involve a field trip…and I forsee Harry following Snapes advice. I would love to hear your opinion on Dumbledore, (good or bad) and the name Neil Cain (murderer or mistake?)

The link to the IPS yahoo group can be located on my profile.

And finally,

Wynnleaf, for your dedicated nitpicking about cookies and biscuits, I dedicate the crisps in this story to you!

Now….ACCIO REVIEWS!!


	19. Mirror Mirror

"Oh crystal ball, crystal ball

Save us all

Tell me life is beautiful!

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Hear my song, fading out,

everything I know is wrong

So put me where I belong."-Keane

Chapter 19 is dedicated to Sothavvy and Drarrysev who both gave me mild heart attacks with their reviews several chapters ago.

SSSSS

Harry woke the next morning to the smells of breakfast, and felt his stomach roil. It was finally here, the day he would see his parents' grave, and he felt like he was going to sick up.

Summoning all of his energy, Harry quickly got dressed and went to meet Snape.

"Good morning, Mr. Cain," Snape said. "The Headmaster wishes to set off early this morning so I ordered breakfast here."

Harry had to force himself to swallow. "Thank you. But I'd rather not."

Harry realized he must have looked pale because Snape responded immediately, "Do you require a potion? I have several on hand."

"No, thank you, I'll be fine. I just think it's a little early."

"Very well then, I had requested to escort you myself but for reasons known only to the Headmaster he thinks it best if he accompanies you," Snape said as he moved to the fireplace.

"Thanks all the same, sir."

As Harry moved to join Snape at the fireplace he saw his professor reach into his robes and withdraw a small wrapped chocolate bar. Hesitantly he handed it to Harry, "It helps chase away dementors, whatever shape they may take."

Harry gave a small smile of thanks and placed the bar deep into his robe pocket.

A flash of green flames found him safely in the Headmaster's office.

"Mr. Cain, how are you this morning?" Dumbledore asked whilst reading the Daily Prophet.

"Good, sir," Harry answered quietly.

"Good to hear, good to hear," Dumbledore said, putting down the paper and opening a desk drawer. Quickly two vials were removed. "You understand of course that we will need to travel incognito for this trip," the Headmaster said, taking out two vials and setting them on the desk.

Harry mutely nodded his head.

"The question I must ask then is: do you wish to be Remus or Tonks?

SSS

Maybe it was the act of seeing through someone else's eyes, maybe it was just the feeling of awkwardness that accompanied being in a body that was not your own, or perhaps it was simply the fact that he had not felt like himself for so long, but Harry could not shake the numb feeling floating up around him as he entered the cemetery. He felt that it was all wrong. For daytime, the cemetery seemed awfully dark. He reasoned it was just the trees casting too much shade. And the morning dew that seemed refreshing at Hogwarts seemed stale on the grass that lined the headstones.

Mindlessly Harry followed a pink haired girl that he knew was really the Headmaster. He felt taller and small at the same time. Everything seemed to be an illusion.

"Here we are," The voice was too high pitched for the setting. It made Harry feel cold.

He watched Dumbledore Polyjuiced as Tonks take a few steps back and sit at a mourner's bench. Dumbledore gently nodded his head and with the gesture, Harry realized Dumbledore was giving him some privacy.

Looking down he saw the names of his parents clearly written. On his mother's grave there were flowers. He should have brought flowers.

Then again, he should be feeling something more than this. Something more than numb and out of place. Not because they were dead, and he was alive, but because they were good and he was bad.

It was that thought that unknowingly brought him to his knees.

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

Looking at the headstones from his new position, he saw the inscriptions,

"Warrior for the light" and on his mother's, "God in his mercy lend her grace."

"I'll do better, I promise," he told the granite. "Snape…," he stopped and looked at his father's stone. "He's been helping me, I hope you don't mind."

"Remus."

'Of course, he minds,' Harry chided himself. "I just don't have anyone else…"

"Remus!"

"…after Sirius, I just need…"

"REMUS!" Harry heard Tonk's scream as she grabbed his arm. What was she doing here?

Harry didn't have time to wonder much more, his mind was focused only on being Apparated away.

SSS

Snape was not a patient man.

"Lupin if you have changed your mind about the Wolfsbane potion, you should have informed me earlier. Preferably before I spent so much of my limited free time brewing it."

Inside Remus, back to the wall, allowed himself to slide down. He was royally screwed. On one hand, Dumbledore had told him to remain unseen for the rest of the day. Something to do with Order business. Remus had not questioned the request. He knew Albus well enough to know that he wouldn't get a straight answer anyway.

The problem was, the full moon was nearing and outside the door was the means to keep the animal at bay. Surely Albus hadn't meant to keep him from the Wolfsbane? Not at the risk to the school and the students? Albus had always said Severus was trustworthy.

"I know you are in there," Severus sneered through the door. "Maybe you have heard of a 'point me' spell. While others may have difficulty performing such a mundane spell, I assure you I have never had difficulty with my casting."

Remus let out a small chuckle. Did Severus forget that he was in class the day it was taught? It had taken the surly potions professor a week to get it right.

Pointing his wand at the door, he whispered a weak Alohomora.

SSS

Albus felt the magic in the air change. It was not a good sign.

Then, he heard it. A soft low buzz that sounded when a ward was breached. Standing up from the bench, he summoned Harry to him.

"Remus."

But the boy did not move from his position on the ground. Out of the corner of his eye he could see two dark spots Apparate into the cemetery.

"Remus!" he called again. Turning, he caught a better look at the wizards. The sun shimmered off the silver mask of one, while as he watched the second drew a wand.

Yelling out again to the child masquerading as an adult, he ran over to the boy and roughly grabbed him before Apparating them directly into the kitchen of Grimmauld place.

"I should have known it would be too dangerous, even in disguise."

"What happened?" Harry asked, still feeling dizzy from the sudden Apparition.

"I believe you triggered an alarm when you knelt down. Two masked Death Eaters appeared. I tried to get your attention but…"

But, Harry thought cryptically, that word alone condemned him. "I'm sorry," he vented out, frustrated. "I'm sorry that I messed up AGAIN."

"Mr. Cain, whatever do you mean?" Dumbledore asked, sounding as clueless as ever. It only served to make Harry angrier.

"I get it. You don't have to pretend anymore."

"Pretend?"

"Just drop the act," Harry sighed. "I'm so tired of the pretending. Aren't you?"

"My boy, I do not believe I know what you are talking about."

"My name, I know the meaning of my name."

"What about your name?" Dumbledore asked timidly.

"Neil the champion and Cain the murderer!"Harry yelled forcefully.

"What?"

"The champion murderer

"I…" Dumbledore started, but Harry continued.

"I know you blame me. I know you think I killed them…killed them all. And I am sorry. I really am. I didn't want them to die. I'm trying to be better. Honest. But you don't have to pretend anymore. Not when it's just us. I know you hate me."

For the second time in his life, Harry saw the Headmaster sway.

"Tea," The Headmaster muttered to himself, "We need tea and to talk."

Harry watched as Dumbledore turned and faced the kitchen. On the counter was a red teakettle, one that Mrs. Weasley had brought over from the Burrow. Harry watched as Dumbledore stared at it, as if contemplating how such a contraption should work.

Feeling uneasy, Harry brushed passed the Headmaster and picked the kettle up. He tried not to notice that his hand was shaking, or that his eyes felt moist. He moved the kettle over to the sink and turned on the tap.

"Harry," Dumbledore said softly, turning off the tap. Gently he took the kettle from Harry and took it to the table. Setting it on the table, he stepped back and took out his wand. Harry noticed he still looked uncertain, like a first year unsure of what spell to cast, or if it would even work.

Then squaring his shoulders, Dumbledore cast several spells at once. The kettle began to emit steam. Plates appeared on the table laced with sweets and biscuits of all kinds.

"Please, Harry," the Headmaster asked, sounding suddenly very old, "Please, have a seat."

Timidly, Harry took a seat across from his professor, and watched as he was served a hot cup.

Dumbledore took a sip from his own cup and made a small grimace, Harry could only guess that the tea was not to the Headmaster's liking.

"Neil does mean Champion. That I knew. I fear that you may not, with good reason believe anything else I tell you, but I beg your indulgence to explain why I chose the name I did. "

Harry nodded his head.

"As I already confessed, I knew the meaning of that name. 'The champion', it also means a great many other things. Perhaps if my mind was sharper, I could recall all of them now, as I did when I was younger. But, Harry, to me, It will always mean childhood. Sweet childhood."

Dumbledore looked at the biscuits, and Harry knew he was contemplating whether or not to take one. Nevertheless, the old man's hands never strayed from the teacup. Gently and firmly he held onto it.

"When I was your age, I had a friend. A Hufflepuff named Neil. He was a poor student, and I was asked to tutor him. He was not stupid, mind you, he simply had no academic ambitions. He was rather fanatical about sweets. He came from a long line of confectioners and wanted nothing more in life to carry on the family trade. Much to his parents' chagrin I might add."

Dumbledore paused for a moment to take another sip of tea.

"I helped him as best I could. He graduated from Hogwarts and made his parents proud and then promptly returned to the kitchen from whence he came.

"I guess you could say that it is due to Neil that I developed my insatiable appetite for sweets. While I told him time and again that I did not require any payment for my help with his classes, he insisted that by accepting the sweets, I was only helping him more. I was his test taster, so to speak.

"Neil really had the most inspirational talent for sweets," the Headmaster reminisced, "He made the most divine lemon drops.

"We remained friends for quite a while, but eventually lost touch during the war with Grindelwald. It was years later, when the war with Voldemort was starting, that I received an Owl from him."

Dumbledore reached into his pocket and removed a small plastic sealed stick from deep in his purple robes.

"He had moved to Hawaii and taken up experimental 'Candified Herbology', as he calls it. He sends me these from time to time."

Dumbledore passed the stick to Harry. Taking it, Harry read the label.

'Neil's Very Own

Reserve Label

All Natural Lemon Infused

Sugar Cane'

_when lemon drops are simply not enough_

"When I saw you in that room…Laying there with…I knew I had failed you. Failed your parents…Harry, I am so sorry I ever placed you with the Dursleys. Lily was such a charming girl, 

I thought…," Dumbledore trailed off for a moment, before taking a steadying breath and continuing.

"Your years at Hogwarts have been anything but simple, and I wanted you to have that. No pressures. No expectations. Just a simple year of childhood. I knew there would be some sacrifices. You wouldn't be able to fly. I knew you couldn't be with your friends. But you would still see them, and write to them. I thought it would be something akin to passing notes in class. However, more importantly Harry, you would have Severus.

"I know what the school, the students and the outside world thinks of Severus, but I know him. I knew if there was anyone who could help you, protect you in all the ways I failed you…you had to go to Severus.

"It is hard for an old man to accept the things he can never understand. And I can never understand the Dursley's. I don't even know where to begin. What that must have been like growing up…

"I am sure you must be wondering why I did not simply remove you from the Dursleys' house and place you with the Weasley's." Seeing Harry nod, he continued, "I am afraid for all the advanced civilization the Wizarding world boasts, it falls painfully short in the reality of protecting children. After seeing first hand the type of muggles your relatives were, I could not be certain they would not sell you off to a Death Eater. I have learned sometimes it is best to circumvent some situations where the law might be used against you.

"You see, you are not the first one I have failed, Harry. Years ago, I failed another just like you. I tried to have him removed from his home. I tried everything I could think of, in the end I even resorted to bribery and a little blackmail. His father would not be swayed and only seemed to become more outraged with each of my attempts. But it was not I whom he took it out on. The child suffered severely for my meddling. In the end, it was all I could do to keep him safe during the school year.

"I have always regretted my acceptance of that situation. If I could go back, I believe I would have simply stolen him away."

"Voldemort?" Harry questioned softly, fearful of breaking the trance in which the Headmaster was speaking.

Dumbledore mournfully shook his head. "No. Another. But I have perhaps spoken out of turn." Picking up the sugar cane, he looked deeply into Harry's eyes. "Sugar is a crutch for me, Harry, especially when I am distressed. When I decided to put you in hiding, and we needed a name, Neil's Canes was the first thing that popped into my addled brain. I am a bit surprised I did not apparate directly into the sugar cane field and eat the lot of them. When it came time to make the documents, I changed the spelling simply to give it a more traditional feel. Not because I ever thought you were responsible for anyone's death. If you believe nothing else, I beg you to believe that."

"You named me after a sugar cane," Harry said, needing to voice it aloud.

Dumbledore grimly nodded his head, "Yes."

Harry looked at the Headmaster and noticed there were no twinkles in his eyes, only a sad mist. He knew then that it was true. There was no malice in the name. Besides, it was all just so Dumbledore to name him after pure sugar. Sugar! Harry wanted to scream out loud. But instead he found he could only laugh.

Harry had heard of the expression 'laughing till you cried'. He even thought he had experienced it before when the twins would pull off an especially clever prank. But this was different. It was like he was laughing and sobbing at the same time. No matter how much he wished to stop, it only grew stronger.

Vaguely he heard the Headmaster cast a calming spell, and Harry felt it work but only slightly. Another spell was cast after that, and in his own poor Latin he reasoned it must have something to do with comforting. But why would the Headmaster cast that? He was just laughing at the fact he was named after a plant that bore sugar.

"Perhaps a bit of a rest will do some good before we return," he heard the Headmaster say. "Come, Harry, lie down."

Harry wanted to protest that his name was really Neil Sugar Cane. But he couldn't catch his breath long enough to do so.

SSSS

"Brooding Lupin? How pathetic," Snape sneered.

"Not quite, Severus. Under orders not to be seen. I hope you can keep a secret," Remus said quietly. And in return, he received an eye roll.

"Couldn't manage a simple order, how Black," Snape muttered, "Oh how foolish, I mean how quaint."

"Severus, I am sure Dumbledore would insist I take the potion. Besides, he is always saying how trustworthy you are."

"And just how do you know I am even the real Snape? Pathetic Gryffindors, always trusting. Always believing battle is fair."

Remus heaved out a frustrated sigh, "I could smell you. I know it's the real you. I am a werewolf, remember." It was a lie, his sense of smell while in human form was nowhere near as strong as the wolf's, but Severus hated the wolf. Turnabout was fair play after all. Noticing Severus pale considerably, Remus knew the barb hit its mark.

"I shall endeavor to remember," Snape mocked. "Now. Take. Your. Bloody. Potion."

Remus reached out and took the goblet from Severus. Briefly their fingers touched, and as always Severus jerked away. "Thank you," Remus said in the manner of a toast before he downed the contents of the goblet. It was really the most disgusting thing ever concocted. Then again, it treated the ugliest affliction.

Before Remus had a chance to reswallow the grimy potion, he heard the door to his chambers slam shut.

"Oh please, Severus, won't you stay for a game of chess? Why I would love to Remus, it has been far too long," Remus said mockingly to the door.

SSS

When Harry woke up, he realized he was lying on the sofa in the library.

"Harry, are you feeling better?" Dumbledore asked, putting his book down.

"It's Neil, professor," Harry said, sitting up. "Sorry, sir, it's just been so much."

"Yes, yes. A bit of dinner perhaps, some food will do us good."

Harry followed the Headmaster into the kitchen and noticed how they each took the same seats as before. With a wave of a wand, sandwiches and crisps appeared. Idly, Harry wondered if sandwiches were easy to conjure or if perhaps they were just the Wizarding version of comfort food.

"So," Harry said, having to clear his throat a little, "Just to be clear, you didn't put me in Slytherin to make allies only. Slytherin isn't a punishment."

Dumbledore closed his eyes and without appearing to notice consciously, waved his hand across the sugar cane that was still sitting on the table. The cane was divided up into neat little half inch slices. Picking one up Dumbledore brought it to his mouth only to stop the moment it touched his lips. Letting out a sigh, he put the piece back down.

"Oh my child," Dumbledore breathed. "What have I done?"

"Protected me, sir," Harry said, trying to assuage some of the guilt the Headmaster was feeling. Then, looking down on his namesake, he asked, "May I have a piece?

"Of course, my child, help yourself. I find I have lost my taste for them."

"I'm sorry, sir, sorry that I thought all that."

"No, no. What else were you to think?" Dumbledore wondered before turning to look Harry squarely in the eyes, "Slytherin was not a punishment. And as far as making friends or allies, I leave that entirely up to you. Now, tell me, what else have you been left to assume?"

Harry was tempted to ask about Luna, but decided against it. Perhaps Dumbledore really had been mad that Luna had gotten so caught up in the dreams. Instead he shook his head and replied, "No, sir, I think that covers it."

"I hope that you will approach me if anything does come up."

Harry nodded.

"Very well," Dumbledore said, stroking his beard, "Perhaps it would be best if we tell Severus the truth?"

Harry looked up sharply. "He'd kill me," he said, before he could catch himself.

"He would be angry, but knowing Severus, he would get over it. I think he might be able to help you more if he knew."

Like he got over Remus, Harry thought sarcastically.

"I leave it to you, Harry. If you find you need to tell him, it is alright."

"But you would prefer I didn't."

"Yes. I do, for his safety and yours."

"But you trust Snape."

"I do. Unfortunately, both my boys have close connections to Voldemort. Much closer than I find I am comfortable with."

"We don't have to tell him," Harry said. "I kind of like him not knowing." I kind of like him taking care of me, he wanted to add, but instead went on to say, "Besides, I am not the only one who has had things happen to them because of the war."

"Too true, my child, too true."

SSS

After dinner, Severus watched as his snakes gathered in the common room and divided themselves into their tidy little study groups. All were present with the exception of Mr. Cain. But his snakes had far too often seen a student quietly disappear to make a commotion of such an event. Furthermore they were all sly to appear surprised by such an occurrence.

The night transpired in the most usual way. He counseled a few of the first years in the best way to avoid and repay their Gryffindor harassers. He answered a few questions, and explained away some of the mysteries of transfiguration. All the while, his mind was fixed on Mr. Cain.

They had been gone far too long for his liking. What was going on? Had the boy suffered too much at the sight of his parents' grave? Severus had doubts about Albus Dumbledore's ability to deal with emotional children. Well, now that was unfair, Albus was particularly adept with the happy ones.

Where were they? Had Albus in his daft reasoning taken the child to his aunt and uncle's house for a brief happy reunion? Silently shaking his head, Severus knew he should have insisted that he accompany the child.

Then there was the matter of Remus. What was going on in the Order that someone needed to be disguised as Remus? Surly the Headmaster had not taken his student on a dangerous errand.

He wondered if the Headmaster had even bothered to feed the child a decent meal. The boy was barely getting over his anemia. Skipping meals would simply not do. Then again, he did have a bar of vitamin-enriched chocolate.

He had meant it as an act of comfort, but doubted the child would see it that way.

_Chocolate_, he chided himself; he had given the boy _chocolate_. He should have offered to take him to the greenhouse or the garden to pick some flowers for the graves. But, oh no, he had given him chocolate.

Just like Lily did whenever he had to go home for the summer.

SSS

"Harry, there are something's I need to attend to while we are here. I thought you might wish to visit Sirius' room."

"Yes sir,"

Harry made his way to the staircase and slowly started his ascent. It was a different feeling visiting Sirius' room than visiting his parents' grave. It was darker. He felt an acute ache in his chest. It took all his strength, all his courage to simply open the door.

Of course, it didn't help that the first thing he saw when he opened the door was the hand mirror resting on the dresser. He walked over to it and picked it up. The weight felt unfamiliar, then again, he had barely held his half before he broke it.

Luna's words came back to him. He remembered her saying that they would all be happy he had someone to look after him. He knew he didn't need it, and that it was selfish to want it, but he liked having Snape worry about him. It felt nice.

He loved Sirius, but their time together was always sporadic and intense. With Snape, it was different. He was always there, in the background in case he was needed. It reminded Harry of when Dudley had first learned to ride his bike. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon would stand proudly in the driveway and watch as Dudley cruised around.

If he was honest with himself, he knew that Sirius saw him as a mini James. He blindly assumed that Harry wanted the same things as his father did. He would naturally be an Auror. He would want to get into mischief. And the night Sirius died, he had even called him James. It left Harry feeling like he was living in the shadow of a man he never knew.

His parents existed for him in a land of make believe. A childhood fairytale he would tell himself at night when he was locked in the cupboard under the stairs. He had learned, after attending Hogwarts, that some parts of the story held true. His parents were good people and they did love him. Nevertheless, so many other elements remained a mystery. Like did his mother love to sing him to sleep, and how did his father shave?

Sirius was real in a way his parents never could be. He had known Sirius. He had memories of him. The only thing he remembered about his parents, no about his mother, was her scream.

Sirius was different, however. Harry only knew of the man when he came back into his life. At first, he was only regarded with hatred for stealing away Harry's fantasy. When the truth was finally revealed and Sirius's innocence proven (at least to him), there was simply too much to take in to daydream about_**.**_ Harry greedily absorbed all the details his Godfather nonchalantly gave away. If something came up, a letter or a fire could easily explain away the question.

Like how his father bullied Snape.

Harry let himself sit down on the bed and sighed when he realized that the room still smelled distinctly like Sirius. He was so tired. Tired of the guilt. Tired of making everyone proud. Tired of being a good son. His heart sent out a prayer that Luna was right. That they would be happy for him. That they wouldn't mind his growing need of Snape.

Harry turned the mirror over and stared into his own foreign face. "I hope you're not mad," he whispered. Looking up he spotted some parchment on his godfather's writing desk. Slowly standing back up, he knew he was going to take Snape's advice once more.

SSS

"Harry, it's getting late. We should return to the castle."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, folding the letter and placing it in his pocket.

"Are you all right, my child?"

With the back of his hand, Harry wiped away the tears that had formed when he was writing his letter. "Yes, sir. Professor Snape said that it might help to write Sirius a letter."

"Did it?"

"I think so," Harry replied, before adding, "Don't worry, I wrote it in code."

"And what will you do with the letter?"

"I don't know, I am sure Snape has some plans," Harry answered tiredly.

Dumbledore gave him a small smile, "I am sure he does."

SSS

It was well past dinner the dinner hour when Neil Cain and Albus Dumbledore returned to Hogwarts. In fact, it was closer to curfew than meal time. Harry, however, was not bothered by this fact. He couldn't have eaten if he had wanted to.

Putting his hands in his pockets he felt the chocolate bar deep within. A soft, sad smile found his lips. Dementors really did take all shapes.

Lost in thought he walked into the Slytherin common room and found it practically deserted. It really was late, he thought to himself.

Harry watched as Snape approached. Instinctively he took a step back. He couldn't do this again. And he knew that if he talked to Snape right now he would break again. He felt his heart racing. With each beat, Snape drew closer.

He had permission now to let Snape in. He had wanted to let Snape in. So why did he feel so scared now?

"How is the evening finding you?" Snape asked casually, but his eyes gave away the intensity of the question.

"I'm fine, sir," Harry lied.

Snape hissed low and jerked his left arm up. Fury crossed his face before becoming neutral again. "I have to go," Snape said regretfully. Reaching out he placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I WILL return. Should you need anything."

Harry, however, shook him off, there were more important things. "Honest, sir, I'm fine. Will you be okay?"

"Have no worry over me. We will talk later."

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

As usually, a great many thanks to Graenr who even uses her fridge to help in the betaing!

Sothavy deciphered the name back in January, and Drarrysev in April. Both left me slightly neurotic that I was giving away too many clues.

The last chapter for IPS received so many wonderful reviews (and a song!) that I was blown away. Thank you for your kind words. I hope you all enjoyed this latest development.

Cheers!

Melissophobia


	20. Finite

"This is the last time, that I show my face

One last tender lie, and then I'm out of this place,

So tread it into the carpet or hide it under the stairs,

You say some things never die.

Well, I tried and I tried." Keane.

SSSSSSS

Many thanks to Graenr who found Snape's voice, and Aspen who let me borrow 'plots within plots' from AYLNO. Thank you for all the amazing reviews, FFN past the 1000 mark! Boo-Ya!

SSSSSSS

It had been a long day. Severus sighed as he made his way down the last of the staircases that lead to the serpents' nest. First, there had been worrying over Mr. Cain, followed by being called by the Dark Lord. Two puzzles presented themselves and Severus's mind was working overtime trying to decipher what they could mean. What had taken Albus and the child so long at the cemetery? Why was someone pretending to be Remus? It also seemed too coincidental that two sets of people visited graves at the same time, while the true Remus was safe behind the castle's wards. Something was going on and Severus was going to find out what.

Severus strode quietly into the dark room, still lost in thought. The only light was from the dying fireplace. It cast its shadows long and lovingly into the common room. Severus spotted perhaps the most misunderstood child in the school, lying on the sofa in front of his door, softly sighing as he slept.

In the warm glow of the fire, the blond haired boy looked ethereal.

"Draco, wake up," Severus whispered, as snakes seldom responded well to being shocked out of sleep.

"Severus?" the boy murmured, still asleep.

"It is I."

"Wish you were my dad," the blond mumbled, before changing position on the sofa.

"As do I," Severus whispered sincerely, but the child was still asleep. "Draco, time to wake up," Severus called, gently touching the boy's arm.

Suddenly the boy was awake. Sitting straight up, he almost knocked Severus over.

"Professor Snape?"

"Indeed, Mr. Malfoy. Pray tell, what are you doing sleeping on the sofa?"

"Sir, it's Neil," Draco said. "After you left, he had a nightmare. We couldn't wake him up. He was bleeding."

"Bleeding? Where?" Severus asked, suddenly serious.

"His forehead. It was all bloody. We took him to the hospital wing as fast as we could. I thought you would want to know as soon as you got back."

Draco watched as the professor gave a curt nod and in short time was standing before the fireplace, Floo powder in hand. "Thank you, Mr. Malfoy, ten scales for your sound reasoning."

In a flash, he was gone.

Draco pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them fiercely. He wouldn't admit, not even to himself, that that he was trembling slightly.

Out of all the things his father had taught him, how to feign sleep perfectly was perhaps the best.

When he was little, he once referred to his potions instructor as Uncle Severus. In return, later that night Lucius had beaten the notion soundly out of him. The Snapes were beneath the noble line of Malfoy, and Severus would never be an uncle, honorary or not.

It had been perhaps his first act of rebellion, to continue thinking of Snape that way. Even if only in his mind.

Once he had started Hogwarts, he was offered much more time with his 'Uncle'. Time his father could not regulate. And in that time, his fantasies of Snape being his uncle slowly merged into a desire to be adopted by the man.

The problem was_**,**_ that Draco was lost in a sea of fellow Slytherins. He knew he had to make himself stand out. He worked hard for his grades, he tried and failed to win the Quidditch Cup, and he was nearly perfect when it came to brewing. While his father was never satisfied with his results, Snape always seemed proud.

It was almost enough for Draco.

But then, there was that night. The night that Draco had stayed up to bring Snape a pain potion after the Death Eaters' meeting. The way Snape had looked at him had haunted Draco. Snape had even tried to hug him, but Draco had pulled away. There had not seemed to be a way for Draco to tell Snape how he felt. That he wasn't rejecting Snape, only that he was too afraid of accepting it.

So Draco told him the only way he knew how, while pretending to be asleep. That way he could just pretend it never happened when Snape laughed at him.

Instead though, he got the answer he had hoped for. He just wished he knew why he felt even more terrified now, than when he spoke.

SSSS

The Hospital wing was dark, save for the far end of the room where torches illuminated his student and the Headmaster. Severus could hear their soft murmurings but could not hear their words. Neil Cain was sitting on the bed, hugging his knees and talking to a rather garishly,dressed headmaster.

Another nightmare, Severus thought to himself. This time, however, was different. This time the child had been bleeding.

An image of Harry Potter erupted in his mind. He had heard Minerva inform him, against his will, that when Potter had a particularly nasty 'vision' his scar would sometimes bleed.

Bloody Forehead.

Godric's Hollow.

Remus Lupin.

Harry Potter.

Harry James BLOODY Potter.

Severus sharply drew in a deep breath.

Alarmed by the sound, the student looked up.

"Ah, Severus, how nice of you to join us," Albus said, without taking his eyes off the student.

Harry's head, however, shot up and with wide eyes, he took in the sight of Snape standing across the room. Without thinking, he was off the bed and across the room in no time. Arms quickly encircled the potion master's torso.

"You're all right," he cried out. "Dumbledore said you would be, but you are…you're all right."

"I am fine Mr…,"Severus stumbled as his hands reached behind him inan effort to dislodge the student, but it was in vain. Could this child hugging him so fiercely be the blasted Boy Who Lived, going on and on about his safety? "I am fine Mr…. Cain, but I had heard you were injured."

"I uh…I…," the boy stuttered, pulling slightly back to face the potions master.

"Merely a scratch, more blood than wound," Dumbledore interrupted.

"Scratch?" Severus questioned, trying to crush the urge to Legilimens those wide eyes.

"What are you men doing in here? This child has had a fright and needs to go back to sleep," Madam Pomfrey admonished the instructors before turning to Harry. "You, Mr. Cain, need to get back in bed and drink this," She said, holding up a vial of Dreamless Sleep.

"Um, can I sleep in the room, sir?" Harry uneasily asked Snape.

Severus sized up the boy standing in front of him. Had it been any other snake he would have said yes already. But if this student was really Potter, then….but he couldn't know for sure. Did he dare risk all the progress he had made with Cain if he really wasn't Potter? Then again a drugged boy would be easier to examine. Shaking his head gently, he answered softly, "If Madam Pomfrey is amenable."

"Madam Pomfrey?" Harry asked eagerly.

"Only if you promise to take your draught."

"I will."

"Very well then," Severus said, defeated.

"I will be by shortly, Severus," Albus said in way of parting.

SSS

"Are you really all right, sir?" Harry asked nervously. Something was wrong with Snape. He could see it in the other man's face. _'Well he had just suffered the Cruciatus curse,' _Harry scolded himself critically.

"I assure you there is nothing wrong with my state of health, Mr. Cain. Do you have some reason to be so preoccupied with my wellbeing? Or are you simply not accustomed to taking orders?"

"Orders?" Harry asked, confused.

"I do believe I told you NOT to worry over me."

"Sorry, sir," Harry said, looking down on the ground. "I…just…"

"Just what precisely, Mr. Cain?"

"Nothing, sir,"

"Demerit," Snape replied sternly, crossing his arms. "Try again."

Severus watched as the student in front of him closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"It was the dream, sir."

"What about the dream?"

"The Death Eaters, they were hurting you. I…I ….thought they were going to kill you."

Severus sucked in a breath. He knew he had been in the boy's other dreams, be it rescuing him from water or cutting him open. The focus had always been on Neil, but this sounded different. "What were you doing in this dream?"

"I uh…I was…forced to watch it. They were throwing curses at you. There were so many. It just seemed so real."

Severus could feel the concern in the student's voice, it forced him subconsciously to turn away from the source. He had received several curses. He could still feel the lingering effects of a few. Voldemort had been angry at his lack of knowledge.

"I don't mean to be a bother, sir. If you want, I'll go back to the infirmary."

"Are you under the illusion," Snape replied tightly, "that a mere student could elicit an answer from me that I did not wish to give?" Then taking a breath and sighing, he said, "You are no bother, Neil. I am honored that you were worried over me. But it was a fruitless labor. Now, I insist you take your potion and retire for the night."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, with a weak smile.

Severus gave the child five minutes. Five minutes was all that it would take for that…that child to fall into a peaceful coma. Without thinking he found himself pouring a shot of whiskey. I'm getting to old for this he thought to himself. Too old for midnight rendezvous with lunatics who say hello with a curse. Too old to try to decode the headmasters moves. Once upon a time, he had felt that the dark and light were playing a game of chess. Foolishly he had envisioned himself as a key piece of the game, but it was on nights like these that he did not even believe he was a pawn. No, he was more akin to the board, everyone moving in circles all over him.

A clock somewhere chimed that it was incredibly late. With a fluid motion, he drank the whiskey in one shot. Brandishing his wand he approached 'the room'.

"Finite Incantatem!" Severus sneered.

But nothing happened. His sleeping charge still had brown hair and a light dusting of freckles.

Not to be swayed, Severus recast the charm. Again nothing happened. Confused, he continued to stare at the child sleeping in the bed. Maybe he was just tired, it had been a long day and an even longer night. Perhaps he was just seeing 'plots within plots' again.

The sound of the Floo erupted and drew him out of his doubts. Letting out a small groan, he knew he still had to give his report to Albus.

If people thought that the Headmaster's attire was atrocious by day, they had no idea of the rude and obnoxious colors and patterns the old man subjected those viewing his night robes. After all his years in potions, nothing could make Severus nauseous faster than looking at Albus Dumbledore at one in the morning.

"Severus, I have tea ready," the Headmaster said, as a full tea service floated behind him. "Won't you join me?"

Severus rolled his eyes and did as he was asked. Far be it for him to refuse an invitation to tea in his own quarters. Reluctantly he accepted the warm cup of tea. It had been a cold night. Deciding to skip the small talk, Severus stated, "Voldemort called wanting information on Remus."

Severus saw the old man's eyebrows shoot up.

"Really," Albus questioned, "what information did he seek?"

"He wanted to know why he was in Godric's Hollow."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I had not seen him at all today, and had no idea that he had gone to visit the Potters."

Severus watched Albus nod his head, "Yes, yes, the truth sometimes is the safest."

"It was a lie."

Albus' eyes turned serious.

"I saw him in the castle. I had to deliver his potion. He informed me you would not mind me knowing that he was to remain hidden away while others gallivanted around in his likeness."

There was a silent tense moment where each knew what was coming, and what was not.

"What Order business sent a look-a-like to Godric's Hollow?"

"Secret Order business," Albus countered.

"Albus, tell me you did not take my student on a mission to Godric's Hollow, if that is even my student sleeping in the room."

"Of course it is your student, Severus, who else would it be?"

"Harry Potter," Severus grumbled, and to his chagrin, Albus let out a hearty laugh.

"Oh, Severus, I keep telling Minerva that you have a sense of humor but she never believes me. Oh," the Headmaster said, wiping his eyes, "that is a good one, my son, a very good one."

"So you deny it?"

"Naturally," Albus said matter of factly. "Are you sure you are not in aid of Madam Pomfrey?"

"It seems very suspicious to me, Albus."

"And when you cast Finite Incantatem, did Harry materialize?"

To that Severus was silent

"Now," Albus said, clearing his throat. "There was an artifact at Godric's Hollow that the Order needed to examine. You must remember, Severus, that every Order member's safety is importantto us. I had a suspicion the area was being monitored by Voldemort. Now, while it was dangerous for Remus to be seen there, he does have the protection of living and working at Hogwarts. Arthur, however, is afforded no such luxuries. The wards on the Burrow will only protect against so much. It has nowhere near the protective magic that the school does. And need I remind you of how many dark hallways there are in the Ministry of Magic?"

Severus remembered all to well. He had not forgotten the attack. Secretly he had been attempting to develop an antidote.

"Having said that," Albus continued, "while I did not take young Mr. Cain on a secret mission, I must confess that I did make use the outing. After visiting the cemetery, I suggested we stop by the Leaky Cauldron. Tom lent us a room and I encouraged Mr. Cain to take a rest while I took some soup and information downstairs."

Severus nodded his head grimly. He understood what the Headmaster had said. He could even believe it, but some small part of his brain was still nagging him.

"So then, where is Potter?"

Albus let out a small chuckle, "I cannot help it if you chose not to believe me, Severus, but I speak the truth. He is with my son, learning a great many things."

"So you are training him for the war."

"In more ways than one," Albus confirmed softly, before turning to stare into the dying fire. "There are a great many wars, my child, and most will only be fought on the battlefield of the 

soul. It appears Mr. Cain is fighting such a war. Had I not already planned the trip to the Leaky Cauldron, I fear I would have had to make such a stop."

Solemnly Severus nodded his head. He wished he could have been there to help his student. But the Headmaster had been right, eyebrows would raise at the sight of a marked Death Eater escorting a student to a cemetery.

"He shared with me some of his past. I was quite shocked to hear some of the things he holds to be true," Albus said softly.

"He holds himself accountable for many of the sins others have subjected him to," Severus agreed.

"Indeed."

Severus often felt that he could do more, help his snakes more if only he didn't have to answer to a homicidal megalomaniac.

Then again, besides the use of the information the Order gained from his spying, there were those few students he persuaded against joining the Dark Lord by the boasting of being a key member. 'Can you imagine,' he had said to one likely recruit, 'when I first started, I could barely stand the feel of one round of the Cruciatus curse. Now I can endure five bouts. All for his Lord's pleasure, of course. I simply cannot wait until you know such joys.'

It wouldn't make his meaner snakes less dangerous. It simply kept them out of the Mark's range. And with that benefit, it hurt his other snakes. The ones who perhaps would be more trusting of his aid if not for the mark that stained his arm. Perhaps he could have saved Nott a few years of silent suffering, or spoken with Neil in depth tonight.

But it would not do to live in the world of perhaps and what if's.

"It is this habit I have of feeling that everything will work itself out in the wash that I must unlearn. That sugar can solve a multitude of problems. So many of our students suffer unjustly. Thankfully, most find their way to Slytherin. While others have suffered simply because I thought something was harmless," Albus confessed, breaking each man's reverie.

"Perhaps," Severus said softly, not allowing his words to register in his own mind, "we need that. We need to believe everything will work out for the best. That life is beautiful. That foolishness and innocence will one day rule supreme and marks will simply fade away."

"Oh, but my child," Dumbledore said, with tears in his eyes, "It will. I promise, it will."

SSS

The next morning found Harry starving and well rested. He quickly got dressed and went into the dining room.

"Good morning, sir."

"Good morning, Mr. Cain. I hope that your sleep was peaceful."

"Yes, sir."

"Very good. Take a seat and have some breakfast," Snape said.

Harry attacked the breakfast platters, causing Snape to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"Sorry, sir," Harry muttered, slightly embarrassed.

"It is quite all right. I understand that you missed a couple of meals yesterday. A habit that is not to be formed."

With his mouth full, Harry nodded in agreement.

After some time, Severus continued, "The Headmaster informed me that you were quite distraught after visiting the cemetery."

Harry felt his appetite vanish. Looking down on his plate, the plump sausage suddenly looked grotesque. A big fat blob of dead tissue.

"It is not unreasonable to have had such a response."

"I didn't," Harry mumbled.

"Pardon?"

"I didn't."

"Didn't what, Mr. Cain?"

"I didn't feel anything. I tried, but I just felt nothing. I kept thinking about my Uncle Les and…and you."

Snape didn't say anything then, and a silence followed to which Harry felt he was expected to fill.

"I just don't know anything about them. I don't really have any memories of them."

Snape continued to silently listen.

"What if they…I don't know, disapprove of the way I have turned out? What if they are mad that I was so close to … Uncle Les…or "

"Close your eyes," Snape interrupted.

"What?"

"Close your eyes," Snape repeated gently.

Reluctantly Harry did so.

"Now, Neil, I want you to think on them. Push your magic out and think on them."

Harry did what he was told to, although it made little sense to him. He tried to visualize his parents. He used the memory of them from the mirror. He thought of his magic encircling the mirror. Pushing through the silvery surface and then beyond.

"What do you feel, Neil?" Snape asked, leaning forward.

Love, Harry thought, he could feel it pouring through the mirror. Slowly opening his eyes, he looked at Snape.

"Did that feel like nothing?" Snape whispered.

Harry shook his head no.

"I suspected not," Snape said, sitting back in his chair, "Now finish your breakfast."

Harry tried to obey but found he could only push the sausage carcass around on his plate.

"Um, Professor?"

"Yes, Mr. Cain."

"Uh…when the Headmaster took me to that room and I was supposed to rest, I..um…couldn't sleep. So I..uh..I took your advice."

Snape looked over at the boy, "Which piece of advice did you choose to take?"

"The letter, sir. I wrote ….my uncle a letter."

"Indeed?" Snape said surprised. "I did not think you would be ready to take on such a task. Was it helpful?"

"Yes, I think so," Harry nodded. "But I was wondering, what should I do with it now?"

"That is entirely up to you, Neil. What do you want to do with it?"

Harry took a moment to ponder the question. He really didn't know. He hadn't thought about it while writing it.

"Do you wish to keep it?"

Harry felt himself at a loss.

"You could give it over to the flames," Snape offered, "Some believe that the smoke of the fire would carry the message beyond the veil."

"Do you believe that, sir?"

"It is irrelevant what I believe, Mr. Cain, only what you believe."

"Could we do it now?"

"If you wish," Snape said, standing up. "Do you have the letter in your possession?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well, I suggest you sit in the armchair and reread the letter while I start the fire."

Harry moved to the chair. Taking out the letter, he began to read.

_Dear Les,_

_It's been a while since you fell. Things are …well, pretty weird actually. I have thought about you a lot. I miss you. I never would have thought to write this letter, except that S said I should. He says I am still mourning and it might help._

_I know you never liked him. And I know he never liked you either. But he has been helping me a lot lately. Well, he doesn't know it, but that's another story._

'_Minnie thought it was weird that I wanted to just up and move in with you after third year. I told her it was just because you were a wizard and knew my father. I think she believed me, because she never said anything else about it. Sometimes she thinks I am a little dim, and I let her believe that because it's easier than explaining the truth. The truth was that I thought anything would be better than living with my relatives._

_My Uncle is not a nice man. I think S would give me a demerit for saying that, for protecting him even now. So let me try again. He is a cruel man. He hurt me a lot growing up. S gave me some cream so you can't really see it anymore, but I can. I can still see the scars. Theo said that time may heal all wounds but some scars never fade. I think he is right. Even where there are no marks, never were marks, I can see scars. Theo said if I let him, S can help me so that it won't _

_happen any more. I don't want it to happen anymore, but at the same time, it's like if I let him help me, then I won't be your godson anymore. I don't want to lose you again._

_I use to think sometimes, I deserved it. You all died because of me. When he hit me I thought of it _as penance.

_I am sorry you died Les. S and Dumbledore say it isn't my fault. The way S explained it I could see that it made sense, but I still feel responsible. I was foolish. It was an accident and I hope you forgive me._

_Luna, you might remember her, she said you would be happy that I found someone like S to help me. I hope you are, I hope that it's ok. I just don't have anyone else. And he understands things. Things that I could never tell you. Not because I felt like I couldn't. But I just didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to think I was weak, that I was pathetic, or worthless. _

_When I was little, I use to hear Aunt Rose reading to my cousin about fairy Godparents, about how they could help you from beyond the grave. I know it is asking a lot, especially after what I did at the_ _department, but could you help S not kill me when he finds out? I really like needing him, even though I still wish he was you._

"Are you ready?" Snape asked.

"Yes, sir," Harry said, as he moved from the chair and to the floor.

Looking at the flames, Harry remembered the times he had talked to Sirius this way. How foreign it had seemed at the time, to talk through a fire. He hoped Sirius would get the letter. He hoped he would be forgiven. But all the while a new feeling was starting to grow, that it didn't matter what Sirius would think. Because he had finally found a place that he had always hoped for, a place where he felt safe and understood.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against the warmth of the flames, and gently he placed the letter into their grasp.

As Harry watched the fire consume his letter, he felt like a part of his heart was dying, never to be seen again. It was as if he was saying goodbye to a past he had lived too long in, but at the same time was happy to let go.

When the fire had reduced the letter into nothingness, he heard Snape softly tell him it was 'time to go.'

Standing up he faced his once hated professor and hoped again that Sirius would grant him his wish.

"Thank you, sir, for everything," Harry said sincerely.

Instead of his usual rebuke of such thanks, Severus simply gave the student a curt nod.

Severus watched his student leave. The moment the door clicked shut, Severus hurried over to the fireplace. The foolish child had not banished the ashes. He would have to instruct Mr. Cain in such practices. It would not do for a Slytherin to be foolish enough to think that simple fire would be the end to such a communiqué.

Drawing his wand, he pointed it at the ashes and commanded "Reparo!"

Instantly the letter began to reform and meld together. Severus watched as the ink re-emerged and the black parchment turned again to cream.

Bending down he reached for the crisp letter. But as it came in contact with his hand it felt all wrong. He was chasing a ghost. There was no way Neil Cain was Harry Potter. Potter did not ask to spend extra time with him. Potter did not cry in front of him. Potter did not thank him. And in no universe did Potter hug him and worry after his safety.

Opening the letter, reading it, would be a trespass of the sort he had promised Neil he would not commit. It would carry the same weight as using Legilimens on the child.

The small seed of distrust in his mind screamed that Harry hated that spell as well.

In a moment of fury, Severus threw the letter back into the fireplace, with a swish the letter was ablaze, and with a flick the letter was banished into nothingness. Neil's haunting words came back to Severus then, echoing in his mind. _'You would hate me if you knew me.'_

And for the first time since meeting Neil Cain, Severus hoped that wouldn't be the case.

SSSSS

…….ACCIO REVIEWS!...Yeah, I know I am greedy…but it worked so well in the past.


	21. Butterflies

"She finds me. She blinds me. Yet she opens my eyes.

Take this love - It calls your name.

No need to walk alone

from nowhere to now-here.

She lives inside me.

Oh heavens here tonight

She wakes me up-just in time" The kin

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"So, I was thinking, tonight would be great time to visit," Luna said as she walked up to Harry.

Harry refused to give into the feeling of missing a beat, and instead fired off his own conversation. "You were wrong, you know," Harry said, feeling good. "Dumbledore wasn't mad at me, he wasn't punishing me at all, he named me after…"

"Sugar Cane," Luna said, nodding her head in agreement. "I know, but Max…"

"Sugar cane," Harry said, before realizing Luna had just said the same thing. "Wait, you knew?"

About Max, of course, where do you think he came from? What I want to know is how is _he_? He's never been subjected to a vision before."

"Who's Max? Wait, I don't care, just back up a minute… Luna, about the cane. You knew?"

"Duh. ANISE!" Luna sighed, rolling her eyes. "There are more important things to discuss…"

"Luna? You knew and you made me…"

"Anise," Luna said, taking a deep breath, "Try to focus. I know about last night."

"But Luna," Harry whispered dazed. "You let me think…."

"Nothing you weren't already thinking," Luna cut him off severely. "Nothing that you didn't need to address yourself.."

Harry felt there might be some truth to her words. Some small truth, but that didn't negate the hurt his soul suddenly felt.

"Breathe, Anise." Luna commanded. Seeing Harry take a few steady breaths, she continued, "Now, about last night, how is Max?"

"Luna, what do you mean 'about last night', you mean the…" When he saw her nod her head, Harry grabbed her arm. "Wait, how did you know about last night?"

Luna looked down at his hand holding her arm. "Your scar turns black when you dream like that."

"But…but you can't see my scar."

Luna stared deep into his eyes and whispered like a ghost, "I can see you, Anise."

"I don't understand …" Harry said, dropping Luna's arm.

"Anise…"

"Neil!" Hermione interrupted, running up to them, "I am so glad I caught you."

"Hi, Hermione," Luna said, "It's rather unusual to see you outside of the library, oh...I see you have a book. Just as well."

"Hi, Luna," Hermione said, with a weak smile.

"Well, I have to be going. I'll see you later tonight, Anise, with Max," Luna sang, before skipping away.

"Who's Max?"

"I have no idea," Harry said, dumbfounded.

"She's like that, you know. Her head is always in the clouds. It's a wonder she passes year after year."

Harry could hear the criticism in Hermione's words. The two of them had never quite got on. Mione tolerated Luna simply because she was on the right side, and, perhaps, because it was politically correct to do so. But the two would never become friends. Mione could simply not tolerate anything that she could not easily define.

"She's not so bad," Harry defended. "Rather smart in her own way."

Hermione was not to be swayed however, books were the only measure of smart to her.

"Yes, well, I was wondering if you could return this book to your friend," she replied, handing Harry a book. "I am sorry it took me so long to return it, you must tell him that. It was just so fascinating, I ended up taking so many notes."

More like transcribing the book, Harry thought. Then again, knowing Hermione, she had probably written an essay for each chapter as well, then cross-referenced with all known sources.

"Neil, are you listening to me?"

"Of course, I'll let him know."

"Can you give him this one as well, for him to keep? Tell him I said thank you."

"I will."

"It's just a muggle book, but it was always my favorite," Hermione said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I am sure he will enjoy it."

The day passed quickly, each class melting into the next. Harry couldn't find the time to get Draco alone to unload the books. To make matters worse there was a rumor floating about that the Headmaster was making an important announcement tonight at dinner. Harry noticed he was not the only student whose appetite had waned waiting for the Headmaster to speak. Harry wondered morosely what Voldemort was up to now.

"Neil, pass the mash please," Draco requested, overly polite. Accepting the bowl, he added quietly, "And what ever else you are supposed to pass me as well."

"Huh?" Harry asked, with a mouth full.

"I saw you. When were you planning to tell me?"

Harry swallowed, but the puzzled look remained.

"Crooks," Draco sneered.

"Oh, D- thing," Harry said

"Bloody hell, Neil, you could have at least said something," Draco grumbled.

Just then, Dumbledore cleared his throat and rose from his seat.

"Students, if I may have your attention," Dumbledore began, and immediately the room went silent. Dumbledore suppressed a small chuckle. Amazing, really, the level of anticipation, a few well placed rumors could muster. Seeing everyone's eager faces, he continued, "It has been brought to my attention that the administration of this fine institution has been remiss in the way of celebratory balls. As one fine young person explained, at length, it has been quite a few years since the last masked ball. Therefore, I am pleased to announce that this year Hogwarts will rectify that grievous oversight at Halloween."

Dumbledore knew the deliberate delivery would delay the reaction to all but two people. Looking out at Gryffindor table, he could see Hermione's happy face. Leaning back in his chair, he could hear Severus draw a deep breath.

"I don't get it," Ron said through a mouth full of mash. "What's the old codger up to now?"

"Don't be dense, Ronald. We are going to have a masked ball," Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

It seemed like the whole of Hogwarts was listening in to their conversation because shortly after the great hall erupted in cheers.

Using the noise as cover, Remus leaned in towards Severus, and whispered, "So, Severus, a masked ball… Still want to meet under the great clock?"

That was it. That was officially the straw that broke Severus Snape's back. To make matters worse, he distinctly heard a small chuckle under the …damn wolf's words. Truth be told, he was already nearing his breaking point between the curses Voldie was throwing at him, the Headmaster's cryptic words, the worry over his students, not to mention the thought that one of those little snakes may be Harry Bloody Potter. Severus wanted to do something that was very out of character for him. He wanted to scream bloody murder. He wanted to scream until his brain went numb and the psychotic carousel that was masquerading as his life came to a stand still. He wanted to rip the dark mark off his forearm, steal some snakes away from their deranged family members, escape to the country with a few caldrons and open a small apothecary….a very small apothecary where no Dark Lord, Headmaster or Werewolf could ever find him.

Instead, however, Severus ground his teeth and bit back a low growl. Sneering, he stood up sharply, stared Remus down until the man looked like whimpering dog. Severus tore his glare away only to send a softer look to Sinistra. Seeing the witch nod ever so slightly, he knew she would take over study time in the common room tonight. Pulling his robes tightly around him, he left the great hall. He needed a vacation, but he was going to have tosettle for taking the night completely off.

"Wonder what that was all about?" Neil said softly, as he watched Snape leave the great hall.

"The wolf must have said something," Theo offered.

Harry cringed at Theo's words. "I'm done with dinner, want to go to the common room?" he asked uneasily.

"Sure," Draco said, standing up. "But it won't make any difference. He won't be there tonight."

"How do you know that?" Harry asked innocently.

"Just the way he left," Draco said, with a small shrug, before adding softly, "Maybe his arm was bothering him."

There was something so…sad with that statement that Harry felt the sorrow might swallow Draco alive. It was another one of those cryptic reminders that all the boys in his dorm were facing similar fates. It was moments like this that Harry missed the simple ignorance of Gryffindor house. Last year the choice to become a Death Eater seemed so simple. And in a way, it really was. But looking at the big picture, it almost seemed inevitable at times. What must it take for someone like Draco to remain with the light, to go against his father, and his father's friends? It seemed impossible. But Harry knew that Draco was going to try even if it meant he could die in the attempt. And Harry would be with him every step of the way..

Even if Draco did hate him when he found out he was really the Boy-Who-Lived.

Forcing a weak smile, Harry nudged Draco's shoulder with his own, "Hey, I still got those books."

A genuine smile came to Draco then. "Right, I almost forgot."

SSSS

As Harry lay down on his bed, he wished that he could take a dose ofDreamless Sleep again tonight. He wished he could simply take anything that would guarantee him eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. While he knew he would not have any trouble falling asleep, he also knew he was going to dream tonight. Harry just hoped there would not be a vision as well.

SSS

The room was shimmering, swirling around him so fast he thought there should be wind blowing him over, there should be a noise, a screech he thought there should be something. But there was not. There was only silence.

Standing next to him, looking into the vast array of colors and images stood what could only be described as a fuzzy elephant ant eater. Its long nose dipped from time to time into the pictures that swam by, like he was taking a drink. Sometimes the fuzzy elephant ant eater thing would make a sound like something tasted especially good. But mostly it was just silent.

Harry was surprised, a little, that he was not nauseated with all the spinning going around. Mostly all he felt was tired.

"Knock Knock…Anyone home?" Harry knew it was a voice. A human voice, but it sounded like a thousand tiny silver bells.

"Hello?"

"Hiya Anise!"

Luna. Harry thought shaking his head. Of course it was Luna. Whenever anything began to resemble Wonderland, Luna was always nearby.

"Hi Luna" Harry finally greeted her..

But Luna's eyes were only for the fuzzy elephant ant eater thing. "MAX!" She yelled as she threw her arms around it.

He watches as she hugged the fuzzy….Max thing. For the first time Harry noticed the fur was kind of shimmery, blue and grey at the same time.

"Oh I was so worried about you." Luna gently whispered. "My how you have grown Max."

Harry heard the thing make another happy sound.

"Is Anise taking good care of you boy?"

Harry watched the Max thing lift his trunk up and dip it into the swirling pictures once again.

"Anise really," Luna chided finally facing Harry. "Is this how you feed him? He needs some exercise."

"Luna…" Harry wanted to ask her what she was doing here. He wanted to ask where here was. He wanted to know what that thing was. He wanted to know why she always assumed he knew what she meant. Unfortunately, Harry was too tired to make up his mind as to what to ask.

Luna must have sensed something in him, because she tuned to the swirling pictures facing them as said softly. "Turn them into butterflies."

"Luna I don't…"

"The pictures…think of them as butterflies."

Harry closed his eyes to concentrate.

"No…leave them open."

Colors were swirling fast again, they seemed to be multiplying.

"Believe their there butterflies."

"Why?" Harry asked weakly. He couldn't shake how tired he was.

"Because," Luna giggled livelily, "All problems look better as butterflies. Besides Max could use the exercise and you could use the space."

Harry gazed into the swirling pictures. They did seem to be flying on their own. He remembered Aunt Petunia had a butterfly cookie cutter. He thought of using it against the spinning mess that was surrounding them.

"Good Anise, now say it."

"Butterflies." Harry whispered. "Butterflies."

And suddenly there were. Thousand of butterflies flying out and opening the space he had been crowded into. Harry was shocked. They had been standing in the middle of a beautiful green meadow.

"I knew you could do it Anise." Luna said smiling at him. "Just don't forget that you can."

"Luna what are you doing here?"

Luna giggled again. Harry realized she had a way of doing that when those around her were confused. But she didn't seem to ever be making fun of him so he forgave her for it.

"I told you this morning that I was worried about Max."

"Max right." Harry said remembering she had been asking about him."What is Max?"

As usual, Luna didn't answer the question, instead she climbed onto the fuzzy elephant ant eater while saying, "I'll take Max out for some exercise and leave you to talk."

"Talk to who Luna?" Harry asked as she rode out into the green meadow. Max galloped playfully, rearing up to suck a butterfly into his trunk. Luna naturally giggled as she held onto grey blue fur.

"I think she meant me."

Harry felt his heart explode in his chest. He knew that voice. He felt paralyzed. He couldn't move. He couldn't take the disappointment of knowing it wasn't him.

"Harry."

Painfully Harry closed his eyes. It couldn't be.

"Won't you talk to me Harry."

Harry still couldn't move. It couldn't be, his mind chanted. It couldn't be.

A hand rested on Harry's shoulder. Gently. It didn't nudge him. It didn't pull. It simply rested on his shoulder. "Please Harry."

"Sirius?" Harry breathed looking up... And it was Sirius, and it wasn't. At least not the way Harry remembered him, but the way Harry had always imagined him. He looked young and innocent. There were no scars on him, no haunting look in his eyes. This must have been the way he looked before Azkaban, Harry reasoned.

"I got your letter."

Harry's heart sank. "I'm sorry,"

Sirius pulled Harry into an hug. "So many butterflies Harry. I had no idea. Have there always been this many?"

"I….I don't know." Harry voice muffled against Sirius chest. "They were just swirling before. Luna told me to make them."

Harry heard Luna's tiny bell giggle again followed by a happy sounding Max.

"I take it that is Luna?" Sirius asked pulling back so Harry could see his friend.

"Yes."

"Well she certainly has the right idea."

About what? Harry wanted to ask. Instead he said, "So you got my letter."

"Yes." Sirius said walking over to an oak tree. In a simple move he sat down and leaned against the trunk. "You could say that is why I am here."

Harry followed slowly. Feeling rather unsure he asked, "Are you mad."

Sirius let out a soft sigh. "Harry, truth be told, I am upset. But not for the reasons you think."

Harry swallowed hard.

"You think you killed me?" Sirius asked.

"I'm sorry. So sorry Sirius." Harry whispered, and even then, he heard his voice crack. He felt his eyes start to water.

"How Harry?

"I was stupid. I should have known it was a trick."

"Harry."

"I am so sorry Sirius, please forgive me."

"Harry. Look at me." Sirius demanded.

Ashamed, Harry did as he was told.

"You didn't kill me. There is nothing to forgive."

"But you only died because you were trying to save me."

"No Harry. I died because someone made a choice. We can all chose Harry. We can choose to kill or not. Bellatrix decided to kill. That is her burden Harry. My death is hers to carry not yours."

"You really don't blame me." Harry asked weakly."

"I never did Harry."

Harry's head bent down as his tears fell freely onto the grass. He didn't see a dozen or so butterflies suddenly vanish into thin air, or a soft sad smile cross Sirius face at their departure. It was only a small dent in the number, but each one was a victory.

"Feel better Harry?"

Harry nodded his head, he did feel better. But there was another question still nagging his gut.

"Sirius, about Snape…"

Sirius leaned back on the oak tree and let his gaze follow the distorted butterflies in the air. He wondered how many more he could kill before he left.

"It's odd, thinking about things like that Harry. I remember being so angry all the time. Seems like I spent all my life being angry. It made me miss other things. More important things. Now looking back all the signs were there. But I couldn't see them. I couldn't see Snape and Peter or Remus' and your butterflies. How could I see them when I was so busy caring around all that hate?"

Sirius turned his eyes back to Harry. "It seems like such an odd thing now. Hate anger…they don't have any power now. They exist like a scary dream that you remember in a funny way. I know they are there in the living…in my past, but I cant taste them, I cant make myself feel them. Even Bellatrix doesn't upset me. I guess you could say I just feel sorry for her."

Harry knew how much the living Sirius hated Bellatrix. "So…does that mean you feel sorry for Snape now too?" Harry asked trying to understand.

"In a way. I understand things now about him, things I should have seen earlier. He is a good man Harry. I am glad you have found him."

"Do you think my parents would be upset?"

"How could they? They love you more than I do." Sirius replied pulling Harry into a hug. Keeping his eyes fixed on the butterflies Sirius whispered into Harry's ear, "And you never, NEVER deserved those thrashings your uncle gave you."

Sirius felt Harry tense in his arms. That was to be expected though, what gave him worry was that the statement rendered no fallen butterflies. Letting out a soft sigh Sirius rubbed small circles on his godsons back.

"Will you always visit me after I write you a letter?" Harry asked after sometime, not moving out of Sirius embrace.

"It doesn't work that way Harry. I will be watching over you however. Always."

"How come you came now?

"Because you were hurting so badly. But Harry, you wont remember this when you wake up."

"Why not?"

"It's just the way of things."

"I am so tired of the 'way of things'" Harry said angrily. "I am so tired of losing people. I hate it. I hate not having a family. I hate being the boy who lives."

"Harry. Listen to me. I had a family. Snape has a family. You have your mother's family. They are not always good. Your parents are good, and they love you greatly. But a family isn't just having the same blood. It's a bond of love that nothing can break, not even death. Remus isn't related to you, he isn't a godparent to you and yet he is your family, just like the Weasley's are you family. Learn to look for the love not the blood.

Harry felt stupid, he did see the Weasley's as family and Remus was like an Uncle…or at least a good uncle. Was it so selfish to want something to call your own?

"No Harry it isn't." Sirius replied.

Harry looked up puzzled, he hadn't said anything.

Sirius shook his head gently, "It's ok to let Snape in. You will make a fine Healer."

"Really?"

"Yes Harry, but I have to go.

"I'll miss you Sirius."

"Why, I'll be right here" Sirius said pointing to Harry's heart.

Together the two stood up and dusted the grass from their pants.

"Goodbye Mr. Boardman." Luna said dismounting Max.

Sirius gave a smirk "And goodbye to you too Moon. Take good care of Harry. And perhaps next time, snitches instead of butterflies. He might find those more entertaining to catch."

"Naturally Mr. Boardman, but I prefer butterflies."

Turning once more, he pulled Harry into a hug. "Take care Harry."

Harry let out a breath and returned the hug. "You too Sirius."

SSSS

A/N- Sorry for the absence, life became hectic and crazy. The main reason it took so long to post was that writing at the computer was a major trigger for me to smoke. I am proud to say that I am totally on the wagon, and with this chapter able to write and not smoke at the same time. Woo hoo.

I also want to say that I was overwhelmed by the amount of reviews and encouragement I received during this lull. Thank you all very much.

And as usual, a big glorious thank you to Graenr for the Beta job!!


	22. The Calm

They had told him.

They had all told him.

The Hat. The Headmaster. Luna. He even felt like Sirius had told him.

Told him in a dream.

His Head of House had even promised it.

But he had never really believed it. He was, underneath it all, Harry Bloody Potter. And while he may be the boy who lived, it never really felt like that.

Then again, he had never seen a battle from the other side. He never thought it would simply be the patch on his chest that would save him.

He never had to keep still and quiet.

He never knew the shame of exception.

**One week earlier: **

The week before Halloween…

"I'm going to be late, Draco," Harry sighed…again. Unfortunately, the blond was not to be swayed.

"Look, Neil, this is my chance. You have to help!"

"Draco, do you have any idea how pissed Snape will be if he catches us?"

"He will never know. Besides, you have enough scales to not even worry."

"What about Theo?"

"Got a date," Draco replied. "Blaise too. You're the only one left that I can trust."

More like the only one left without a date, Harry thought grimly. In all fairness, his heart wasn't really in it. There had just been so much going on. So many things had changed, like Draco asking him a favor, that Harry found the Masked Halloween Extravaganza too much to comprehend. After all, who could he ask? He surely didn't want to go with a Death Eater's daughter. Snape had encouraged him to ask Luna. Once he recovered from that very strange conversation, he admitted, if only to himself, that it would not be a bad idea. He felt comfortable with Luna. She let him simply be himself.

But before he could even ask her, she informed him unceremoniously that she was going with Neville.

"Neil," Draco said, putting his hand on Harry's shoulder. "I am not above begging…if it has to come to that."

"Fine," Harry sighed. He was already two people. What was one more?

"Thanks, mate," Draco said, all smiles. Harry felt obliged to give him one back. But as soon as the blond had left, Harry's smile fell. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door in front of him.

Remedial Potions…It seemed to Harry it was his lot in life.

"Enter."

No sooner did Harry enter the potions lab than Professor Snape began.

"You are late, Mr. Cain. Demerit."

"Sorry, sir, I just - "

"Mr. Cain, I am not in the mood to entertain your excuses. This is about your future not mine. Shall we begin?" Seeing his student's head nod, Snape continued, "Start by grinding these."

Harry looked down at the Anise seeds. Clearly, they were brewing the Dreamless Sleep potion again. Harry was beginning to think he could brew it while asleep. _But that's good right? It means that I am one-step closer to becoming a Healer. Well, that's if I don't die._

"Word yet, Mr. Cain, from Miss Lovegood?" Snape asked softly.

"No, sir. I mean yes."

Harry watched as Snape raised his eyebrows.

"Very good, Mr. Cain."

"It's not like that. I mean, I didn't ask her. She told me she already had a date."

"Indeed," his professor replied and Harry couldn't help but notice how his face seemed to fall a bit.

"Sir, why did you think I should ask her? I mean…it just seems strange."

Snape looked curious now. "Why should it be strange?"

"Well it's just that…she's in Ravenclaw. I didn't think you liked her very much."

"You are very worried with which students you think I hate. Are you still worried that I hate you?"

Harry heard himself swallow. He didn't want to lie.

"It's just that..."

"You don't believe me."

"No..I mean I do… I guess, it's just that people talk."

"Mr. Cain."

"I know you said you didn't hate anyone under thirty, but I heard how you were with Harry…Potter."

"Ground, Neil, not powdered." Snape said, looking at the mortar.

"Right," Harry said, putting the pestle down.

"There is a difference, Mr. Cain, between hate and having opposing beliefs. We have already discussed Mr. Potter. As far as Miss Lovegood is concerned, I find her brewing abilities erratic at best. She has no comprehension of linear thinking. Having said that, Ravenclaw is perhaps the only house of the _other _three I can stomach. She has appeared to be a good friend to you, regardless of the house to which you belong." Taking a breath, Snape continued, "A trait I find…noteworthy."

Harry gave his professor a small smile and reached for the anise leaves. Those, he knew already, needed to be chopped.

They worked together for some time preparing the potion. Snape offered minimal instruction, which lead Harry to feel he was being graded on the progress he had made.

Severus took a moment to look at the child in front of him. It had taken quite a bit to gain the child's trust. A trust that was almost broken when he suspected him of being Harry Potter. The more distance he had from that night, the clearer it became to him. Neil Cain was in no way Harry Bloody Potter. He did not share moments like this with Potter. Potter never left himself this exposed.

Severus watched as Neil cut up his potion ingredients with a calculated precision. Clearly, this was not the infamous Potter. Potter had been a pure slob in class, not even knowing the difference between chopped and sliced. True, he had been tutoring the boy in private so as to aid the child in his ambition to become a Healer. But Potter had never shown the level of competency that Neil did in these sessions. After all, he had had the dunderhead for five years, if a student couldn't pick up such skills, with Granger at their side, there was no hope.

Severus was also certain that if Harry Bloody Potter was running around as Neil Cain, Lupin would have smelt something. He would have sought out Neil's company. Remus Lupin was incapable of keeping a secret.

There was something about Neil Cain, however, that he couldn't put a finger on. Perhaps he was just chasing at shadows, as if his life was not complicated enough. As for Lupin, he could keep a secret. Lupin had kept his for years, true to his word, he never told anyone, never let on that Severus Snape had a heart. It was perhaps the only secret Severus wished wasn't kept. Nevertheless, there was no going back, there was no use getting maudlin over it. Taking a deep cleanisng breath from his mental aerobics, Severus surveyed his classroom and watched as the caldron bubbled orange. Then he turned to face his newest snake and said, "I have noticed that you have accumulated quite a few scales, Mr. Cain."

"I've been trying, sir," Harry said, placing the potion to simmer.

"Indeed, it has shown." Snape agreed. "I was wondering if perhaps then you would care to use some for a trip to Hogsmeade next weekend. While the trip would be solely to educate you in the finer aspects of potion supply procurement, I would not be averse to making a few stops along the way, seeing as we will be in town, and on Halloween."

"Really?" Harry said with excitement. "You would be willing to take me?"

"Really," Snape repeated. "However, I must draw the line at the Weasley's shop. If you find yourself in need of their wares, I suggest you find a friend to acquire them for you."

For the first time that day, Harry's smile was sincere, "Thank you, sir."

********

It was suppose to be simple fun.

He had been looking forward to the trip all week.

He should have known better. Nothing in his life was ever simple or fun. Nothing was ever a walk in a park.

People he cared about were never safe.

When was he going to learn?

Were they all meant to die, one by one, painfully?

Waking up Halloween morning, Draco could hardly contain his excitement. Looking out an enchanted window, it already looked like an amazing day. It was cold and bright. There was a smell in the air of cinnamon and cloves. Like a thousand kitchens cooking all at once. He could hear the main room abuzz with excitement, not only for the trip to town, but also in preparation for the masked ball that night.

Draco had hardly been able to sleep the night before. Yet he was not tired. It took all his might not to roust Neil out of bed.

Instead of jumping up and down with pure glee, he settled for calmly getting dressed. He made himself walk slowly into the common room, sit in a chair near the fire and pretend to read a book. He lost himself to his thoughts. His plan had worked perfectly. He had _planned to _piss Pansy off the second he heard about the masked ball. Waited till she had a date, then pretended he was too upset, or in some circles, to picky to secure a date to the ball. Instead, he would be going it alone tonight.

"Mr. Malfoy!"

Draco's blond head shot up. Snape looked pissed. "Yes, Professor Snape?"

"I believe I asked you a question," Snape snapped. Taking a deep breath, he asked again "Have you, or do you know of anyone who might have, reallocated two vials of my Polyjuice potion?"

Draco felt this was a test of mammoth proportions. Remain calm. He told himself. Don't let your voice crack. Keep eye contact. "Why, sir," Draco said, swallowing hard, "I am not sure what you are talking about."

Snape stared at the child before him for some time. He had expected a better lie from the blond. "Indeed," he finally said before turning and walking away.

"Oh, he's never going to find out." Neil said, taking a seat next to Draco.

"Neil, please have more faith. I knew he would notice it missing, but he won't know it is us." Draco noticed his accomplice did not look so convinced, "Come on, let's get some breakfast. It's going to be a GREAT day!"

Harry could not help but smile and follow the blond.

"Why the robes, Neil?" Draco asked as they entered the great hall.

"Potions," Harry replied. Snape hadn't said he needed to wear them, but as it was an educational outing Harry figured he should wear them.

Breakfast passed in a blurry of activity. Theo and Blaise were busy chatting up their dates which left Draco and Harry pretty much alone at the table. Draco was lost pondering what book he should bring with him that night. In between bites of egg and bacon Draco would ask if a one book sounded too romantic, or another too cryptic. Harry in turn would offer a 'sure' or 'that sounds great', but Draco never seemed to hear him and would just change his mind again.

Somehow, Harry found he didn't mind at all. The past two weeks had been wonderful. It was like a rock that had been sitting on his chest and shoulders had lifted. He was sleeping at night without nightmares or visions. He was learning more about chess and had started a correspondence game with Ron. He was getting good grades in his classes. Snape said he felt confident enough with his brewing of Dreamless Sleep that they were going to move on to a new potion, a headache potion with three variations. Harry had spent most of his free time the past week reviewing the ingredients.

"Say, Draco, in the Mildred Minute Migraine potion, are the laurel leaves shredded or julienned?"

"Julienned, quarter inch," Draco replied, not even looking up. "Do you really think Jane Eyre isn't too depressing?"

"Isn't it Muggle?" Harry asked, trying to sneer the word.

Draco nodded, "Thought she might like it."

"I'd stick with wizard authors, she's liked them so far."

Draco nodded his head and put down his list of books. "Maybe I'll find something new in Hogsmeade."

"Speaking of which, I have to get going," Harry said, rising from the table. He knew Snape was doing him a favor, he didn't want to be late.

Harry met up with Snape in the potions classroom. They left for town taking a lesser used route, one that surprisingly took them right past the Shrieking Shack.

"Mr. Cain, as I said before, I wish to make a few other stops while in town. As potion ingredients should always be kept at the right temperature, and stored appropriately, I suggest we stop at the apothecary last. I have several errands to attend to today, the second most important would be WhizzHard Books. I suggest we start there first."

"Alright, sir," Harry replied, wrapping his cloak around him a bit more. "I would like to check their healer section. You know maybe find something to help me a..uh ..bit."

"A wise decision," Snape murmured.

Harry couldn't believe he was actually going to Hogsmeade with his once most feared professor. Walking into town like this it was almost like he was walking with Remus or Sirius. It was funny how things could change. He felt comfortable with Snape now. Well maybe not totally comfortable. He was still worried that Snape would figure out who he was, after all the man was not stupid. More than discovery though, he feared letting him down. He didn't want Snape to think he was brainless. No, he didn't want Snape to think that at all, that's what he had always thought of the Boy Who Lived.

Perhaps things were just easier with the Marauders. They had just expected him to become an Auror. In a way, he was living up to their expectations. Snape, however, wasn't like that. Professor Snape wanted him to set his own objectives and then conquer them. He had heard Ron and Hermione say those types of things about their parents. It just felt so…so normal. It was weird.

"Mr. Cain?"

Harry looked up to see a slightly annoyed Snape.

"Yes, sir?" He asked hesitantly.

"Are you alright?" Snape inquired quietly.

"Yeah, um, just thinking."

"You should endeavor to learn to think and walk at the same time. It will be to your advantage in the years to come."

Harry knew the words were meant to sound sarcastic and biting, but he could also see the half smile that was lacing the man's face. "I'll try, sir."

"Do that. Now the books on healing arts, I believe, are in the second row. I shall meet you in the front no later than 20 minutes."

Harry found the section easily and quickly set to scanning the shelves. He settled for a book entitled So you want to be a Healer; everything you didn't want to know and some things you did. He hoped it would mention some of the silent requirements Snape was so keen on.

After paying for his book, he waited for Snape by the window. He noticed Luna across the street. She waived at him and skipped her way across the street. Harry noticed that her silvery eyes looked heavy under her light steps. She quickly turned her head to the side, as if she had just seen something close pass by.

"Anise," she whispered grimly, "are you safe?"

Harry felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Luna, what's the matter?"

"I haven't a clue," she murmured, turning slowly back to face Harry. "There just seems to be a lot of Nargles around."

"Right," Harry agreed trying to sound as if he understood her fear. "Nargles."

"It's so ugly. I always try to steer clear of them, you know," Luna whispered as she looked down the street in front of them. "But sometimes, they are just everywhere. Best not to make any sudden moves, Anise."

But Harry couldn't understand why Luna was worried. He looked out of the window at the street before them. It was a beautiful day. The street was crowded with town folk and students. Everyone seemed so happy. He looked back at Luna and found her face grimacing in pain.

"I don't under-" Harry made to say but Snape interrupted.

"Miss Lovegood."

"Hello, Professor Snape," Luna replied and Harry found she was trying to sound cheerful. A weak smile replaced her frown, but her forehead was still wrinkled in worry.

"Luna," Harry started but Luna waved him off.

"Well, I'll better be going. Best to find Neville. He's hopeless, you know. Not like you, Anise. Just remember," she said, staring Harry in the eyes, "what I said, about the moves."

"I will," Harry replied, as he felt a small shiver.

When Luna had left the bookstore, Snape quietly asked what she was on about.

"Nargles, sir." Harry told him. "Have you ever heard of them? She talks about them a lot."

"Never. I have often found Miss Lovegood talks about many imaginary things. Quite an odd girl."

Harry knew the words were meant to sound scornful, but he couldn't stop hearing the word 'noteworthy' lying underneath.

Snape shrunk the books he had purchased and escorted Harry out of the store.

Harry saw his dorm mates up ahead at Three Broomsticks. Snape must have noticed too, as he asked, "Shall we stop for refreshments?"

"That would be great, sir." Harry replied with a smile.

But his smile quickly vanished as he watched Snape's quickly contort in pain. Hearing a hiss, Harry watched his Potions professor's left arm flinch.

"Sir, are you…," Harry started, but Snape interrupted him.

"Go," Snape sneered. "Find Draco and don't leave his side. Do not take off your robe. Am I clear?"

"Sir, what is the matter?"

"Am I clear, Mr. Cain?"

Numbly Harry nodded his head and did as he was told.

Harry ran.

He didn't hear the screaming at first, not through the sound of his heart beating in his ears. He barely noticed the dark rain cloud that was aligned above the Three Broomsticks, so lost was he in dodging the stream of people, now running in the streets. It wasn't until he saw, out of the corner of his eye, the green rain did it come together in his mind. It wasn't a rain cloud. It was the Dark Mark. And it stopped him cold in his tracks.

"See something you like?" a dark voice slithered in his ear. Turning his head, Harry found himself face to face with a death eater. Only one of them had a wand out.

The wand came in contact with Harry's neck, and he tried not to flinch. Luna's words came back to him. No sudden moves.

"He's a Slytherin sir," a calm voice pronounced.

"Is he now?" The Death Eater chuckled.

"Yes, sir, my year."

"Well then, young Mr. Malfoy, I hope you and your friend here enjoy the show." The masked man replied as he withdrew the wand from Harry's throat and hurried away.

No sooner had he left when Draco came into view. Grabbing Harry's robe, Draco fastened it up. Harry noticed the boy's hands shaking. "Make sure they see your patch, Neil. Come on, we've got to find the others."


	23. Emerald City

"Oh boy you otta leave this town  
Get out while you can  
The meters running out  
The voices in the streets you love  
Everything is better when you hear that shout  
Woooaohhh  
Woooaohhh  
Woooaohhh" Keane, Perfect Symmetry.

In Plain Sight, Chapter 23 _The Emerald City_

"Draco, HURRY!" Theo screamed.

Instantly both boys ran.

Blaise was lying on the ground. There had been several moments in Harry's life where chaos marched on around him, and yet time stood still. He didn't hear the Hufflepuff third year screaming frantically or notice his twin sister being held firmly in place by Theo.

And it was Blaise lying on the ground motionless, his mind told his heart. It wasn't Cedric. Not that it seemed to make any difference.

Draco, however, seemed to snatch Harry back to the land of the living.

"Are you listening, Neil? We have to get him out of here now!"

Suddenly Harry's chest started to burn. Instinctively his hand reached up and grabbed the offending necklace.

"Of course," Harry muttered to himself.

"What is it, Neil?" Draco demanded.

"The Headmaster, he gave me a portkey to his office when I first arrived."

"What are you waiting for? Grab hold of him and go!"

Harry didn't need to be told twice. He reached down and grabbed a hold of Blaise's shirt and ripped the invisible amulet from his neck.

A swirl of colors passed him, pulling at his stomach.

In an instant it was done. He was in the middle of the Headmaster's office.

But the Headmaster was nowhere to be found.

SSS

Draco knew enough about Death Eater attacks to know that this one was over. Trying to kill one's own son tended to damper the festivities. Well, he thought cynically, when one wasn't planning on killing one's own son.

And for a bloody Huffflepuff, for the love that was all magical, what had gotten into his friend's head?

Not that he blamed him. He understood, really. But with such a bloody Gryffindor move. He might have saved the girl, but he just cursed the rest of them.

"What happened?"

Draco didn't hear him, he didn't recognize Snape's voice, or the voice of Theo explaining what happened or where Blaise and Neil had gone. No, Draco's mind took a much darker path. How was he going to defy his father? And did it have to be today? Did his world have to end today?

"Draco," Snape whispered, placing his hand on the blond's shoulder.

It was the touch that brought Draco out of his reverie. Coming back into the world around him Draco noticed the street was deserted, save for his Head of House and Headmaster. That was odd, when did Dumbledore get here?

"My father will be coming later," Draco said, resigned. "He'll come to take me."

"No." Snape said simply, as if he could wish away the coming storm.

"He'll take me to HIM," Draco replied, hating how his voice was cracking. But he needed to say it, aloud. He needed some control over it.

"No," Snape again denied.

"Boys," the Headmaster said softly, "perhaps it will be best to resume this conversation in my office. I am sure Madam Pomfrey will have some news for us."

Sss

Harry suddenly noticed Blaise was not breathing.

"Help!" he screamed.

Harry vaguely remembered something he learned once in muggle elementary school about CPR, but would that even work on wizards?

Before he could think more on it, Harry heard Fawkes screech. The fiery red bird raised its wings and flew down from its perch. Harry watched as it swooped down towards Dumbledore's desk and knocking over a bell. The bird let out another screech and flew back to its perch.

No sooner had it landed the Headmaster's Floo came to life.

"Headmaster, hurry!" Harry called out to the figure coming through the flames. "I don't think he is breathing."

"Move!" Madam Pomfrey commanded, kneeling down to the injured boy. "What was he cursed with?"

Harry stammered that he didn't know. He watched as Madam Pomfrey cast spells at his friend. He noticed that Blaise's chest was rising and falling. Another spell drew a deep breath from the Mediwitch. "Tin Mans."

"Fetch me Professor Snape at once," Pomfrey ordered, wiping her brow.

"Yes, Ma'am." Harry automatically agreed, "but I think he might still be in the village."

"Grab some Floo powder and go to Three Broomsticks."

Harry ran over to the Floo and did as he was told.

The Three Broomsticks was crowded with people still hiding from the fight and Harry crashed into several just stepping out of the Floo.

"Watch it there, boy," an old man said, helping Harry regain his balance.

"Thanks," Harry said, straightening his robes. He moved towards the door when the old man's hand grabbed his arm.

"You don't want to go out there, son. Stay here where it is safe."

Harry tried to jerk his arm free but the man had a steel grip. "I have to get my teacher."

"Let him go," a witch said, pointing to Harry's robe "he is one of them. Slytherin."

Harry stared at her for a moment, before rushing towards the door. So frantic was his need to get outside that he knocked over two chairs on the way. It wasn't until Harry was on the empty street did Harry stop for a moment. Was this even safe? Slowly he scanned the street. Then up ahead Harry saw Snape and Dumbledore. He knew it had to be safe.

"Professors!" Harry yelled out as he ran towards Snape.

"Professor!"

Snape turned around.

"What are you doing here, I was told you were at the castle."

"Madam Pomfrey had me Floo to get you. It's Blaise, she said to fetch you. She said something about a tin man and to get you immediately so I Flooed. He wasn't breathing but she charmed him to and she needs you right away."

"Take a deep breath, Neil. Now Severus, the Three Broomsticks can get you back to my office with this," the Headmaster said, holding out a key.

Severus nodded in understanding and took the key. "Stay with the Headmaster," Snape said, looking at Neil. "Both of you."

"Come, my boys, let's return to the castle."

Harry turned to join the other two, and could not help to notice the pale look on Draco's face.

"What's the matter?" Harry asked.

But Draco said nothing; instead he silently marched back to the castle.

SSSS

"Pomfrey, whats going on?"

"Do you know what he was hit with?"

"No, the students didn't understand what it was, all they could tell me was that it involved some sort of gray haze."

"And when you read their minds?"

Snape noticed that she sounded slightly hopeful, "No, why haven't you moved him to the infirmary?"

"I needed help. He wasn't breathing when I arrived. I cast a respirator charm; he has started breathing on his own again which is good. But I also ran a diagnostic. I don't feel we should use more magic than we have to at this time. We are going to need to move him ourselves."

"What is it?" Severus asked lowly. Knowing the boy's father, knowing the Dark Arts…

"Severus, I think he was hit with the Tinners curse. Please help me carry him down to the infirmary."

Poppy noticed Severus' face pale at the revelation. But she was going to need his help. He had to know what they were dealing with.

SSSSS

Harry was certain the Headmaster had a faster means of returning to the castle than walking. But the old man just smiled, nodded that he "really should look into that," and kept on walking. Harry found it infuriating.

Draco on the other hand knew a power play when he saw one. "He's stalling us." Draco whispered to Harry as they walked slightly further ahead.

"But why? What is there to hide?"

"Blaise," Draco countered. "I mean didn't you say Pomfrey called it Tin Mans?"

"Yeah," Harry said, shaking his head, "What does the Wizard of Oz have to do with Blaise though?"

It was Draco's turn to look confused now, "What?"

"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was written by a squib named Baum, who combined some facts from our world with his. Quite the story teller," Dumbledore offered suddenly from behind.

"So there really is a Wicked Witch of the West?" Harry asked.

"No, thankfully, nor is there a Glinda. But there were once a pair of silver slippers that gave one strength, and there was a potion a witch in the east once invented and her sister unfortunately reversed."

"The Tinners curse?" Draco prodded, not knowing who Glinda was or what silver shoes the headmaster was rambling about.

"Yes, Draco, the Tinners curse, or, as many muggleborn would call it, the Tin Man's curse."

"What does it do? Turn a person to tin?" Harry asked skeptically.

"Yes," Draco answered.

"Not quite," Dumbledore countered. "Do you know why Love Potions are illegal, boys?"

"Yes, sir," Draco answered.

"No," said Harry.

"Draco, perhaps you could enlighten us?" Dumbledore politely asked, making both the boys feel like they were in class.

"Well, centuries ago there was a witch named Nessa Rose. She produced a love potion and gave it to her beloved. The potion almost killed him. The Wizard Court ruled that Love Potions to be illegal, and ordered the death of Rose and her sister. But before they could kill Rose, a new potion experiment exploded and caused Rose's house to collapse with her in it. I don't know whatever became of her sister."

"True but just," Dumbledore said with a sad smile. "There is a bit more to the story. You see Nessa's potion almost killed her beloved, a woodsman by the name of Nick Chopper. He would have died had it not been for the fact that Nessa's older sister was nearby. Nessa's sister cast a spell on Chopper that turned him into tin."

Harry stopped in his tracks. "Blaise is turning into the Tin Man. But it will be all right. It will have to be. After all if you could turn a person into tin, you could un-tin them, right?"

Dumbledore turned to look Harry. It was clear from the boy's expression that he had no idea he was talking to himself.

"Unfortunately, Neil, it is not that simple. The love potion originally was intended to force Nick Chopper. He could choose to love Nessa or turn into a statue."

"That's ridiculous," Harry exclaimed.

"Yes it was, Neil, but it shows how little Nessa knew of love."

"Sir, you said that Nessa's potion would have turned him into a statue. Statues are made of rock…" Draco said, trying to reason it out.

"Mostly yes, and I am sure Nessa wanted Nick immobile. But you forget Nessa's sister was in the next room. When she heard the commotion, she rushed in and, well as some scholars like to believe, myself included, tried to hastily fix the problem."

"So what did she do?"

"Nessa's sister, Elfie, didn't know how to stop the potion, and time was running out, so she cast a spell that would turn his living tissues into tin."

"Why tin?"

"Simply put, when she heard statue she thought Nessa meant one of tin."

"Did it work?" Harry asked.

"It couldn't have. History says he died, and they were both wanted for murder."

"It did work, for a few hours, Neil," Dumbledore replied, placing a hand on Harry's arm. "It is unfortunate that History cast such a dark shadow on Elfie, when all she meant was good."

"And that's how we have the Tin Man's curse. Because someone tried to do something good," Draco sneered. And then it hit him. It felt like a ton of bricks, or a house..."_Oh Merlin_…" Draco exhaled. That was why the Headmaster was taking them on this long walk back to the castle. That was what this impromptu history lesson was all about.

"What's the matter, Draco?" Harry asked, suddenly very worried about the blond's paling face.

"Magic makes the curse worse," Draco said with dawning revelation. "Oh Merlin. We used a portkey."

.


	24. AN Dear Reader

Dear Reader,

I know I swore I would never abandon this story. But as the great man once said, "Life is what happens when you have made other plans."

And so, I feel it is time to face the music. I am not going to finish this story. It is only half way told. I do not have the time to, and honestly the drive to anymore. I feel like I am burnt out on the fandom. (It has been so long that I have been in it, this story alone is at the 2 year mark.) It will always hold a special place in my heart and I will always love it. Harry Potter is the only fandom I ever wrote fanfiction for. When I started, I set out with specific goals. Write a long story….longer than two and a half pages….balance multiple characters, not just two,… write something romantic, ….pass time, write something traumatic.

God bless fanfiction, it has helped me in a way a creative writing class never could. I found with each story I was able to pass the goal set before me. Well, all but one.

I really wanted to write a novel length fic. And this year during Nano, I did. It is original fiction (and something that I might actually get paid for one day.) I wrote 50,000 words and told a story. It needs to be edited, and polished. Unfortunately, I only have so much time.

And If I am honest, the past few chapters of IPS have been weak at best, more of a chore than a joy. Please forgive me.

If anyone wants to take over, I would love it; tell me where you are so I can keep a tab on how you tell the tale.

I always hated it when writers abandon their fics and never come back to own up to the fact that they did. I always wanted to know how they would have ended things. Therefore, the next "chapter" so to speak is how I would have told the second half of the story. There are bits in there that I had written, once upon a time.

I want to say Thank you, all of you who followed this story. You have been so kind in your words, and actions. You all have helped me become a better writer and storyteller.

And a special thanks to Sharon, my beta who beta'ed even after childbirth.

Thank and much love,

Melissophobia


	25. How I would have ended it

So here is how I would have ended it….AN means Authors notes, peppered in are some scenes I had already written. I tried to make it flow easy. So here goes….

AN- Blaise got hit by stepping in front of a curse his father had aimed for a Hufflepuff.

Once back at the castle the boys are sent off to their dorms to get ready for the masked ball……

*~*~*~*

"Blaise will be fine." Dumbledore said gently, which made him sound all the more sad. "Minor injures. Nothing more serious…yes…Minor. But enough to keep him out of the ball tonight. You three must have enough fun for him tonight."

The news was good, Harry thought cryptically, but all the same, he swore he could see tears in the headmaster's eyes.

However, he had now spent enough time in Slytherin to know not to question things here and now.

That would wait till Theo, Draco and himself were safely sequestered in their dorm room, silencing charm in place.

"I don't understand why not cancel the dance? I mean Blaise is…But Harry couldn't finish." Harry asked innocently.

"There are larger things happening here Neil. Bigger things to protect."

Harry obviously didn't understand. Therefore, Draco spelt it out.

"What do you think would happen if ole Dumbles canceled the dance and pronounced that all was not safe?"

"Auror's would come and protect the school." Harry answered

_Idiot,_ Harry heard Theo expel under his breath.

Draco in turn sighed. It wasn't the kids fault really, he didn't come form the same environment the rest of them did.

"See if you could follow…The headmaster explains that a student was attacked, a Slytherin student…The board of governors would be notified at once, and as such my father."

Draco paused a moment letting that thought sink in before he brought his point home.

"We are all, this year, within marking range."

Harry looked up sharply and heard the underlying message. Every day, every minute away from his father was the only safety he had. The only safety any of them had. And then, the true reason came crashing down hard on Harry…If Dumbledore explained the extent of the injury to Blaise his parents were likely to come get him…. And if his father had been the one to curse him, well Zambini Sr. was sure to kill him for stepping in front of a Hufflepuff.

Harry closed his eyes and drew a breath.

"We do care Neil," Theo whispered softly, "Even if we have to pretend otherwise."

Harry nodded his head. He understood.

Still the rest of the day passed slowly for Harry. It was hard to get ready for a dance when you didn't have a date and a friend in a hospital bed.

But still he got dressed and took the special Halloween mask from Draco.

~*~*~*~*

AN—So Blaise is in the hospital wing slowly being turned into a statue. Harry takes polyjuice potion to look like Draco who in turn takes some to look like Theo so that he can talk to Hermione. Harry feeling guilty about being at a party cannot stay long and decided to go upstairs to visit Blaise, only to discover he is on deaths door.

Dumbledore is at Blaise's bedside. Snape is there as well, offering him pain potions. He tells Harry that the last thing to go is the eyes and the heart.

Blaise asks to speak to Neil alone. He can see that Neil is really Harry, and wants to know if Harry was just acting as their friends or if he really is one. Harry assures Blaise that he is their friend, and that he will look out for Draco and Theo.

Blaise happy in this dies.

Dumbledore tells Snape cryptically that he must alert Blaise's father at once. And that he will be using a school owl to inform the father that he should come to the castle at once, instead of simply informing the man via floo that his son is dead. He hopes that this will buy them some time.

Snape tells Harry that he needs to go back to the party while he still looks like Draco.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

"It doesn't seem right…" Harry heard himself mumble.

"What" Snape Asked?

"All this happiness, Blaise is dead. Draco and Theo's parents might take them away tonight, so they can become Death Eaters. Everything is falling apart and there is a masked ball going on upstairs. I can't go back to the party Sir."

"You have too," Snape said sternly. "And somehow you will smile, and somehow you will laugh. And you'll pretend that nothing has happened."

"But," Harry tried to counter with tears in his eyes.

"You do this to keep them safe. To keep you safe. Come, its almost midnight. Time to reveal yourself to the world." Snape said handing him a silver mask.

It was a simple carnival mask but somehow in the firelight, it looked like a death eaters mask. And for a moment, harry wondered if that was what it was like to be Snape. To go on dancing while your friends died or were forced to hide

"Come "Snape asked again.

And Harry, still shaking, Donned the mask and smiled. But it only seemed to make his tears fall harder.

-AN- So Harry goes back to the party and Snape goes in search of Draco and Theo. The man has plans after all.

The music in this scene is the Peirces, Three Wishes…

~*~*~*~

Snape grabbed his wand. Before he even had time to open his hand, he yelled out "point me."

The music was soft in the garden; it was more like a soft mummer from the great hall.

"Dance with me." Draco whispered offering his hand.

Timidly Hermione took it.

…_We'd be so less fragile… if we were made from metal…And our hearts from iron…._

"Is this a trick?" She asked nervously.

"No." Draco replied softly, "It's a wish."

Firmly he took her in his arms, and with a formal precession danced her around the courtyard.

"You look beautiful tonight Hermione."

"Thank you," She replied blushing slightly. "I made the mask myself."

"I wasn't talking about the mask."

…_you want three wishes…you want never bitter and all delicious… one your saving for a rainy day…_

"And when will you remove yours?" She asked coyly.

"I cant." He said faltering his step.

…_if your lover ever takes her love away…._

"Why, don't you trust me?" She asked stopping. Gently she reached for his hands.

Draco looked down. Her hands fit so perfectly in his.

…_and you want three wishes…._

"Its not you I distrust, but the world."

Hermione didn't respond. She wanted to promise that no one would know, that they would be safe. But she knew it would be a lie.

"Maybe…after the war." He conceded. "If you forgive me."

"Forgive you for what?"

"The things I have said. The things I will say." He whispered.

She could hear the pain in his voice. "You're not going to join the…"

…_and a clean conscious…and all its bliss's…_

"No." he said looking up meeting her eyes. She noticed they looked brown and blue at the same time. "Sometimes, you have to pretend so that things…" his voice cracked, "things aren't forced upon you."

A small tear escaped her eyes. Without thinking, he reached up and gently wiped it away. "Don't cry Hermione, please, don't cry."

_...and one true lover with a thousand kisses…._

Suddenly a throat cleared.

"Miss Granger, I must ask that your dance partner follow me."

Draco turned to look briefly at Snape. The severity of his eyes told him that he was not being called away because of a stolen potion. The night he had feared was finally at hand.

"I have to go." Draco said turning back to Hermione. "Please, remember me. This way."

He noticed another tear on her face as she nodded her agreement.

She noticed that his eyes were definitely blue.

As she watched the two men walking somberly away, her heart remembered. Her heart knew those eyes.

"Wait!" she cried out running towards them.

"Miss Granger now is not the time." Snape sneered.

But Hermione ignored her professor. Instead, she leaned close to the masked boy's cheek and gave it a soft kiss. "Be safe Draco." She whispered as she closed her eyes.

…_if her lover ever takes her love away….._

And in the next heartbeat, when she opened her eyes, they were gone.

"Do you trust me Draco?"

"Yes" the response was automatic, "Please, don't let him take me."

"Foolish child" Snape sighed as he as pressed a small coin into the boys hand.

"Tell me you don't want it."

"I don't sir, I don't want to be a death eater."

There was a pop and a fizz and Draco felt himself disappear. When next he opened, his eyes a pair of strong arms grabbed him and Draco felt himself being apparated away.

*~*~*~*~

AN- Draco is given a port key that takes him to the Weasleys, and it is Molly who grabbes him and takes him to Charlies house in Romania. Yes Romainia. Yes they apperated all that way. You see in my world it was possible because Molly has a house key to Charlies house and that allows her the travel. It is still very hard on the system and Draco nearly passes out and Molly gets sick. Molly only has one pepperup potion, cursing the fact that she did not have more on hand, she halves the potion with Draco. She rests for another minute before apparating back to the burrow to await the arrival of Theo.

Unfortunately, the boys parents show up earlier than either the Headmaster of Snape would have thought possible. I was thinking some sort of Child Parent clock or something I don't know….anyway….

Theo is taken by his Father and they leave the Castle. Albus gives Theo a book. It is really a port key that will activate outside the castle walls. (Albus does not break the same sort of light/dark magic that Snape does when he makes his port key.)

However as the pair approach the edge of the wards, Theo knowing what lies ahead of him stops. He refuses to go any farther with his father.

Nott Sr. pulls out his wand and casts the killing curse at the child.

Everyone on the steps of the castle swear they actually see the grim swallow Theo whole before the curse hits.

Later that night, Snape tells Harry he will have to live the rest of term in 'the room'. Harry watches as Snape silently breaks down, Harry tries to help him, and even pours him a glass of brandy. but it of no use, as Snape tells him he "has to work tonight."

Voldie is pissed. Not knowing where Harry is, Losing Draco and now having to deal with Nott Sr. and the death of yet another pureblood male, he threatens Snape that if he does not find the missing children he will die.

Back at school, Aurs investigate the scene of the attack, but are unable to process Nott Sr. for murder since there is no body.

Charlie Weasley takes Theo's death very hard, and struggles to earn Draco's trust. Draco is afraid he will put the Weasley's in danger, and is worried that he will never be able to pay them back for aiding him.

Harry of course feels guilty. Luna tries to cheer him up.

Snape is on the verge of a breakdown.

McGonagall is in rare form, and acting very flippant over the death of a Theo. She goes around Snape saying things such as 'Forget me Not." She is also insistent that Snape ward her house. Snape tells her he will not, as he is one, pissed at the Not statements she is keen on speaking and two, because her husband is a ghost. Snape see's no reason for the wards to be protected.

Finally, after much angst, and broken potion vials, Albus orders Snape to McGonagall's house to ward.

And of course there is Theo, alive and well. Having not been swallowed completely by a grim, but rather transported by a cat. The recent developments have stressful to him however, and he has started cutting again. Snape moves him to Charlie's house.

Inter angst with Draco.

Charlie tells Snape that Draco is quiet and keeps to his room out of the way. He says that he has a hard time convincing the boy to study. Snape confronts Draco and tells him he is to study. Draco tells him he has no money to pay the tuition at Hogwarts, but that he can maybe become Snape's apprentice.

Snape tells him he does not have to worry about the tuition; he can attend school for free. In addition, that he will not become his apprentice.

When Draco asks how, Snape tells him that the children of Hogwart Professors always receive free schooling. And that he is to study hard to become a Barrister.

Draco looks shocked and Snape tells him that he has always seen Draco as his son. And that he is currently his heir.

Back at school….

Luna and Harry bond, followed by bonding of the hufflepuff kid that lived and Hermione. They get tired of not being able to sit together and make their own table in the great hall. They all discover that they were all almost sorted into another house. Harry you know, Hermione to Ravenclaw, Luna to Slytherin and the huffle kid to Gryffindor Neville is there and he is a hufflepuff.

They are gifted by the castle a real table, a founders table in the great hall, having represented the four founders and the secret fifth founder, the original headmaster….named Olive Hogwart. She died a shortly after the school opened, when all the houses were separating. She left a blessing on the students who would find the true meaning of house unity. Could this be the power the dark lord knows not Harry wonders?

Soon it is December, and the Holidays. Snape takes Neil to visit with Charlie and the other boys. Molly also goes over during this time to help the boys out, knowing how dirty men can be and asks Hermione to go with her. Hermione goes and the relationship with Draco blooms.

After the Holidays, Voldie is pissed. Snape having no new information is almost killed. Almost, because it is Falkes that flies in to rescue him and bring him back to the castle.

He is dying, the dark mark on his arm is slowly bringing him to death. Harry is upset, (naturally) and pissed that Dumbledore does not appear to care. For two days as Snape lingers closer and closer to death, Albus does not show up.

Finally in the evening of the second day he does. Harry, who has simply refused to leave the infirmary and taking up the bed opposite Snape is lying down when the headmaster walks in. He asks Harry to forgive him for what he is about to do, and promises that he will understand in time. Besides, Albus tells Harry, he is far too much a Gryffindor to be free.

So Albus cast a binding spell on Harry. Tying him to the bed.

Next Albus goes and spells Poppy asleep.

Then, he goes towards Snape's bed

Albus looks down at Snape, lost in a sea of memories…..

~*~*~~*.

Memory 1

"No!" Albus said forcefully, "I forbid it."

Severus brushed his hair out of his eyes and defiantly stood his ground. He would not show his fear. If he did the Headmaster would thwart his plan with good cause.

"There is no other way. To lose this," Severus said steadily, "is to lose a window of opportunity. We cannot afford to lose this type of information."

"I will not dispute the value of information, Severus; I will dispute the manner in which we get it. You have no idea what you are so casually offering. I do not think you understand the life it will lead too. Your potion professor tells me you have a talent few posses Severus. Why not peruse it."

"I have plans to obtain my Master's in Potions, sir. One does not rule out the other."

"He will hurt you Severus." Albus said shaking his head. "He is in no way a kind man."

"I've been hurt before." Severus replied trying to sound cold, but knowing his voice was shaking.

"And you never should have been." Albus whispered.

"I can handle it. Let me do this." Severus pleaded, "Let me be of value to this war."

"My child, you are of value."

"So you will let me?" Snape said eagerly, but suddenly disappointed as well.

"No. I will not sacrifice you to him. Not for all the information in the world."

***Memory 2

"Why…Oh my child why?" Albus said through saline eyes staring at the permanent mark of evil on the boy's arm.

"You couldn't make the decision. It had to be done." Severus said with blank eyes.

"Did he hurt you."

"No" Severus said weakly and Albus could see his chin quiver.

****Memory 3

"He's mad Albus….so much more than we could ever imagine. And now they are gone, dead and gone. All with the information, I supplied."

"We thought they were safe." Albus offered.

"But they weren't. None of us ever were." Snape said bitterly, "none of us are….he's going to come back isn't he."

"I'm afraid so." Albus resigned.

"What a waste." Severus said shaking his head in disgust. "I was useless."

"Severus, please, you did more than…." Albus started, but Severus cut him off.

"But not enough," Severus.

"You did this for her," Albus asked

"No." Snape said blankly, "I did it for the idea of her. And you. I couldn't be like the others. But I wanted to make you proud. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to have failed you like this."

***present time.

Albus stared at that offensive mark with disgust. He wished he was more recovered from the battle, but he didn't have the time. He reached down and grabbed the Mark. It burned against his hands but he didn't care. He knew he couldn't banish it. He had tried once, when he was younger. There were no spells for that. It's hard to make something disappear, but to steal something, that is often easier.

Out of his mouth came a soft mummer of Latin. Tears formed at his eyes as he forced his old mind to recall every memory of his son. Latin words with memories of love and pride filled the headmaster's soul. His knees buckled under the strain, but his hands remained devoted.

Suddenly something snapped. The burning moved slowly, painfully to his left forearm. There was no more struggle; he had stolen the mark. He could feel the black tendrils of darkness rise up and encircle his heart. He could not fight it; there was nothing left to fight with. He was dying.

His breath was becoming rugged. His heart was beating irregular, missing beats and making them up. His head felt dizzy. But kneeling there in front of Severus he could not move. He needed to be sure it was not in vain.

His efforts were rewarded with a breath. Severus heaved deeply, his black eyes opened. He was alive.

"My son." Albus whispered relieved.

"Albus?" Severus said softly. He had never seen the older man in such a state, there was no color in his face. Immediately he was out of bed and at the other man's side. "POPPY" Severus screamed.

"Sh she's a sssleep." Albus said trying to catch his breath.

"Let's help you lie down on the bed then I will wake her."

"No Ti..me. spelled heer."

"No." Severus despaired, "Don't do this."

"I've lived well."

"Albus" Severus said pained

"Only wish…."

"What." Severus asked eagerly, he knew he would do it, no matter what the headmaster asked Severus would do it.

"Wish you were mine. I..I…I love you my son."

The last word Albus Dumbledore heard before dying on the cold stones of the infirmary was the one word he had longed to hear for the past thirty years.

And Severus, cradling the man in his arms, thought it a cruel trick of fate, to have the greatest man he had ever known die with a dark mark on one arm, and a scar warning against lies on the other. But his heart was broken in so many places that he hadn't the strength to pick him up and place him on the bed.

"Father." He cried out, "Oh father."

*~*~*~*

AN- Albus was late to Severus's side because he was busy getting his affairs in order. He sent copies of the memories to the Courts and the Papers, exonerating Snape.

I wrote a bit of the will, it would have been something like this…

…….You have suffered Severus, more than anyone could possibly know. I pray, at the time of my death that you are free, happy and free.

I am willing the wizzardgomet a copy of my memories of you Severus. It is my hope that with their viewing, any lingering doubts about your good character would be put to rest. I know how you hate your privacy invaded Severus, but if you could just suffer this one last injustice, I know you will be free.

They say we create our own heaven. A place without pain and suffering. What a marvelous idea. I can see nothing grander, than living eternaily as your father. The idea of you living without pain makes me eager for the trip. I will keep a tea service ready for you, my son.

…..

Attached to the will is of course guardian papers for one Neil Cain. And a note attached from Albus stating "You know….Do what I never had the option to do." The note is written on the back of a adoption paper dated twenty some years ago, the child in question is Severus Snape and the hopeful adopter is Albus.

No sooner had Snape finished reading the will and the guardianship papers does the new headmistress walk in. McGonagall is in a fury, She has searched high and low in Albus's office for the location of Harry Potter but has found nothing. She begs Snape to tell her anything he might know.

The word the Albus had spoken haunt him, he is with my son.

Snape tells McGonagall that he has no idea where Harry Potter is. And after dinner he will help her go through the papers again.

He turns and looks at Harry. He knows.

McGonagall leaves and Harry starts to go back to his room.

Snape goes in after him and finds that Harry is staring at Snape's picture of Lilly.

Snape begins telling Harry that Lilly was his friend in school. And that when Snape was thinking about joining the Death Eaters, she sensed something was wrong. She kept pestering him to tell her what was going on, but Snape feeling the need to be stoic never confided in her. Finally as a means of silencing her questions for good, and to give him some space from her, he called her a mudblood.

He tells Harry, that looking back; he wishes he had told her, he thinks it would have made things easier.

Is there anything you want to tell me? Snape asks Harry.

Harry freaks out and runs out of the room. He runs out of Snape's quarters and finds himself in front of the room of requirement.

Walking back and forth three times, he asks the room for somewhere safe.

When the doors open, he finds himself inside a replica of Snape's living room, the only exception being there is a staircase in the middle of the room. And under the stair case a cupboard.

Harry falls to his knees and starts crying.

Snape follows him into the room a moment later. Snape holds Harry and tells him it is all right. That he knows. "No matter how you disguise those eyes," he tells Harry, "they will always be your mothers."

After some angst, Harry asks Snape when he knew. Snape answers honestly, he has known for some time, he just could not admit it to himself.

They decided to keep Harry as Neil, until after Voldie has been defeated. Snape and Harry have hot kinky sex….oops wrong story…Snape adopts Harry, and since by this time the other two have come of age, Theo and Draco as well.

Sometime later, Voldie attacks the castle. But this time, Harry realizes he does not have to face his demons alone. He has learned the power of love, the bonds of friendship and the secret power of House Unity. Harry, Neville, Hermione, Draco, Luna, and that Kid from Hufflepuff unite and with the aid of the teachers send Vodie to the dark hereafter.

There would have been an epilogue that would find, Dr. Harry and his wife, Luna (sorry, I know I said I wouldn't but things change) meeting Snape at his house for Christmas. Draco a Barrister and Hermione who is a researcher of ruins, married. Theo is reluctant to come to the dinner, he is a teacher, and social worker now, working with abused kids. He is scared to admit to Snape that he is gay. But Snape doesn't care in the end and invites the boyfriend Oliver Wood over as well.

They all lived Happily ever after.

Here are some odds and ends.

Luna is a dream walker. Nargles are actually pieces of dreams people still hold onto in the waking world. That was how she could tell when the death eaters attacked. They all dreamed of their gallant victory.

Ron was a puzzle piece for me. In some threads, he remained Harry's faithful friend. But I can't see him getting past all of it, Harry a Snake, Adopted by Snape, brother with Draco, who married his girl. I think having so little he would have felt betrayed by all of it, especially with his family helping. I pictured him dying a stupid death trying to prove something.

Neville of course becomes the Herbology Teacher and has a rather elicit affair with Mrs. Sprout.

And somehow, somehow….Snape and Lupin end up together…..If only.

Thank you,

Melissophobia


	26. LJ help Haiti

Just a quick update.

I have had a few bites on the adoption of this story. I will let you know more as it happens.

Some people have asked me to leave the story up on this site, no worries, it will remain up.

Also, thank you all so much for your kind words. It means a lot to me.

For those of you who do not have an LJ, I wanted to pass this on to you. Some of the fanfic writers over there are donating fics for Haiti. (Including me.) For a donation to a certifiable relief organization, they will custom write you a story. They also have goodies up for sale as well. If you are interested here is the link….

http// community. livejournal. com/help_haiti/ Just subtract the spaces....If you are interested in my offering, you can get the link to my lj page on my profile.

Thank you,

Melissophobia


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